Letters to the Editor
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Get a Divorce
If you want to 'cheat', get a divorce. If you want to cheat on a boyfriend, don't get a boyfriend, just sleep with people.
But don't make a commitment to someone, then bail behind their backs. That is not a moral issue, or even a 'health issue' (though it could be one) but a 'do unto others issue' i.e. do not dispense pain unnecessarily.
I personally hope he finds out and gives her a little dose of reality.
I've found the most 'painless' form of relationships (if there is such a thing) is serial monogomy. Works the best. Open marriages are bogus, as are marriages that never end. In fact people keep bad marriages going too long. Bail!
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McGarrett50 and CoCo Chanel blah blah, WTF? It is actually RARE to interact with decent, humane people.
Why in the hell would you be congratulating yourselves on treating others poorly? It is rare to find people who are actually humane and giving. I hope others treat you as badly as you treat them. What a lovely world self-centered morons like you make for the rest of us.
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I'm not going to judge you, LW
However, I do have a question. Why are you married? I am truly curious because I am a bonified committment phobe (hence why I'm still unattached), and according to what you've written to Carey, so are you. I understand that some value monogamy more than others, but those that value it less (the ones I know, anyway) are either in open relationships or single. My only advice is to really think about what you want to do about the boys on the side before you find yourself going on divorce #2.
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Just a thought.
So, you're a whore then?
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Re: Monogamy vs. Polyamory
"Why openly voice them in the first place, only to be defeated?" You're kidding right? (Not really understanding what segregation has to do with open relationships) Relationships are constantly going through phases of rejection, even the healthy ones especially when it comes to sex. (One partner's kink may not be the others, etc.) It is up to the individual at that point to decide if they would really be happy in that relationship without said kink. Maybe they wouldn't be and if that's the case they need to find someone more compatible.
"It only makes sense to be honest if the other person is receptive".
Eh? Do you follow that in all aspects of your life? I don't know that we need to divulge everything but would you withhold your political ideals from a prospective partner for fear of rejection?
What if you were "unusually compatible" in every aspect except having children?
Because that's what this boils down to-compatibility. Even if all other things are "unusually compatible" not being compatible about monogamy is eventually going to be a deal breaker. Especially when we take into account the other persons emotional and physical (yes, there are STD's you can transmit even if you use protection) well being.
The bottom line is if you willingly and repeatedly engage in an act that you know may hurt you partner than you need to question just how much they mean to you.
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Sociopath Who Wants to Share
Really, the title above says it all. So ... you shared. You're not going to stop. You enjoy it. You enjoyed sharing it with everyone else. You're so SHOCKING! SO TERRIBLE!
Yes, it's pretty disgusting and evil behavior. Not that you care. You don't have actual feelings. That's clear from your letter. How the hell would you know how it felt? I feel great sympathy for your husband. I hope to hell you're using protection, because you could expose him to a disease that could kill him. Which, you know, nice going, if that happens.
Eventually, he will figure it out and leave or not leave, depending on his point of view and his needs. You've been SEEN. You can now crawl back into the sociopathic hole from whence you came. Take the serial killers with you. Well, except Dexter from HBO.
I'm not normally this judgmental but seriously .... YUCK. Can we not publish letters from sociopaths anymore, please?
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I agree with the earlier poster who suggested Narcissistic Personality disorder -- also Histrionic Personality Disorder. People like this woman do terrible damage -- look at the Duke case.
My fiance had an ex who was a serial cheater. He is a kind, trusting, honest person, and it was terrible for his self-esteem. She was one of those who managed to always make him feel guilty or like a failure when she cheated, which happened almost monthly. She went on to cheat constantly on her current husband and ended up putting her child in jeopardy due to an outburst. Last we heard, their life was in a big pile of rubble.
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I and I
I knew a woman precisely like this LW. Same lame excuses. Same rationalizations.
Finally realized that it was always going to be about her, her satisfaction and pleasure. And nothing or no one would get in the way of that.
Not a sociopath, but definitely someone to avoid if your looking for love, or anything meaningful.
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The solution is very simple.
It's very simple. Tell your husband what you are doing. If he is okay with it, then fine, no problem. If he isn't happy with it, he can take the initiative to dump your ass, and then you will be free to boink whomever you like.
If you don't feel you can tell him, then obviously you, too, realize that what you are doing is very, very wrong, and need to just knock it the hell off. Either it's okay or it isn't. Well? Which is it going to be?
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Serial cheater/Maybe Sociopath/Just a human
There is a lot of anger towards this human. We love to label in America. She is just a part of the human race which is a part of the animal kingdom. Mankind imposes morals and invented romantic love. However, her behavior may haunt her in the form of some illness or perhaps sterility. Leave her alone, call her what you want, but realize this could be anyone...perhaps, someday, yourself.
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You Need Help,
That could be the only explanation, of course the Pam Andersons, and The Brittney Spears and others that sex bombs need not apply, they make it perfectly known what there choices are. Sometimes that is okay for bawdie types, but you make no point of sharing what you do for a living, or that your "husband" isn't on to your lashivious ways. I am sure, that there is something that has to give away the fact that you are giving it away.
I can understand a certain amount of "why" people might want to believe that having "sex" with people might equate with love, but it does not. Not even close, that is why there are many people that are on drugs. They have been hurt in thier lives, and don't know why such things like real "intimacy" are missing. If intimacy is not important, then why get married in the first place? of if this letter is a type of prank, it is reassuring to bleive that a person would even want to understand what is wrong with thier beliefs?
It is wrong to want to seek the attention or for purposes of sex, outside the boundaries of marraige. But, that seems old and antiquated, even in the days of the "Old West" there were the salon girls, and if you go back before that, there were women that were prostitutes. But is that what you want?
Juding from your letter, I would think you might have an overactive thryoid, that tends to give people a high level of estrogen, thus fore making them sexier, your size 5 and 6 type, and usually these people are running around, seemingly on a non-ending sechdule of tasks, and seldom get tired. They usually have voracious appetites for sex, and it's usually not hard easy to hide such attributes.
If that is the case, then disregard all the hallabollo up above, and keep in mind not everybody is cut out to be the "happy housewife" when indeed they could be the "Happy Hustler".