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• Monday, October 8, 2007 09:10 PM

  Could be a fake, could be a personality disorder, could be both.

  Could be a fake; could also be borderline, narcisistic or anti-social personality disorder. Think a less violent version of Scott Peterson. Or, could be both. Borderlines live a life of BS. The books on the disorder I've read say not to call them on it as it may be the only thread that is holding them together. They have a very high suicide rate. Don't know about the other personality disorders.

  BPDs don't think about the affect their actions may have on others anymore than your average two year old. After the fact they may be somewhat remorseful, but mostly they'll be angry at whoever exposed their deceit. And they don't really grow out of it. The only proven fix that I'm aware of is Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which is still only available in the most metropolitan locations. BPD's are driven into therapy less by their own deceit, than by the consequences of their restlessness, emotional storms and despair.

  Though BPDs can be masters of BS, I do not think that a sane person with their eyes open could live almost 7 years with a BPD and not notice a problem. But, the writer's husband my have his own issues.

  As noted, the issue may not be BPD or fake, but BPD and fake. If the writer has some sort of personality disorder, there is little chance that the letter is accurate. Moreover, it could be a friend or other family member trying to emulate a real person's voice, so that she can see what strong reactions her conduct would draw. Even if BPDs know intellectually that their conduct is out of the norm, they don't really

  feel it.

  BPD's have family members that sit on the sidelines while their daughter, sister, etc. wrecks her life and betrays husbands, employers and teachers. And they can't very well go around telling each person she encounters, "beware, my sister lies about everything." Moreover, family members--the sane ones at least--probably have limited contact with her because of her behavior.

  In the event that someone has recognized one of their own family members in this woman's letter, or the ensuing responses, check out "I Hate You--Don't Leave Me" by Kreisman, and "Stop Walking on Egg Shells" by Mason, or google "borderline personality" and "cornell" or "linehan."

  —WonderLaw Read WonderLaw's other letters
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