Letters to the Editor
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a little advice
Dear LW: I stumbled on the letter advising a move to Alaska. If you do take that advice and move to Anchorage (or nearby Mat-Su or even Juneau), there are plenty of available men to whom I could introduce you.
Personally, to me, you sound like a winner (NOT a whiner).
If you don't consider a move, and aren't ready for internet dating, how about meeting someone the old fashioned way - put out the word to your friends, relatives, fellow church members and other associates that you want to meet someone and let them fix you up with the available men they think you might like. You'll have to endure lots of bad dates, but it's also a time-tested matchmaking method. Your friends and family sometimes know you better than you think, and might be just the ones to find just the guy for you.
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Urk!
Alpha women tend to enjoy being around a group of less attractive women - why? Because it amplifies how much more attractive they are.
Where do people get this stuff?
I have no idea how attractive to men I am relative to my friends. It's never occurred to me to care, much less make friends based on that criterion. I rely too heavily on my friends to even consider looks as a reason to hang out with someone or not.
Women tend to gravitate toward women with whom they have something in common, not in terms of who will make them look good on club night. Clubbing may be a common interest, but a woman won't look at two other women who like clubbing and pick the ugly one to hang out with because she'll look better by comparison. Actually, she'll probably go with both. Knowing what I know about women and self-esteem, all of them will think their friends are prettier than they are.
The idea gets even more nuts when you realize that physical attractiveness is subjective. One man's 9 is another man's 6, so one guy might think the blonde is the ugly one while the guy on the other side of the bar thinks the brunette is the ugly one.
Honestly, where do these theories come from?
LW, if your friends are having better luck than you are, you might learn a lot by sitting back and watching them. That would probably be a lot more constructive than dumping them.
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uh, NO
One man's 9 is another man's 6, so one guy might think the blonde is the ugly one while the guy on the other side of the bar thinks the brunette is the ugly one.
You completely misunderstand men.
Assuming there is a significant difference between the two women, both men will almost always agree on which one is prettier.
One might say the blonde is not his type, the other might say the brunette is not his type. But there is no confusion as to the prettier one.
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Hate to tell you this...
... anonymous, but women do not switch back and forth in sex appeal to men according to the color of their hair. Women may believe this, but it is actually very simple.
What is sexually attractive is youth, good skin, bright eyes, shiny hair, full lips, nice teeth, a well-proportioned body, and an athletic gait, pretty much regardless of culture and race. Certainly men may have preferences for taller or shorter women, for black or white or Asian etc., but all the same there is very little difference when it comes to defining whether a woman is sexually attractive or not.
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there is a lot less variability than a lot of people think but some major things ARE variable
for instance: tit size preferences. Some men really don't care as long as the boby proportions are right and some are willing to give up some degree of proportionality if the tits are large. This seems like one of the many things that you mentioned, good skin, etc. which DON'T vary, but this particular one does vary.
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attraction
anonymous, but women do not switch back and forth in sex appeal to men according to the color of their hair.
I never claimed that hair color was the deciding factor. I was using it to distinguish between two different women. Period.
Which I believe was perfectly clear.
As far as what men like is concerned, lurk on men's message boards for five minutes. There are men who rate freakin' movie stars no better than a 7. Then someone chimes in that she's his perfect 10, someone else says she's too thin, someone else says she's too fat, and someone else says her butt's too small or too big for him. Then another guy says he prefers Asians, puts up a picture, and a second post-mortem ensues. This kind of thing can go on for ages without a consensus ever being reached.
It's also not worth worrying about if you're female, unless you're more than a few standard deviations from the mean on any critical feature.
Most likely, the LW's girlfriends aren't her problem. Her non-verbal communication skills might be, but not her girlfriends.
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i actually have a collective solution to this problem, the only one actually
(other than men doing nothing until after after the woman indicates she wants to sleep with him, which apparently isn't an acceptable solution for lots of women) and that is that flirtation and sexually charged conversation has to be accepted as a normal part of social interaction between men and women. As long as the right to this type of interaction is a by- invitation-only gift bestowed on specific men by specific women in specific circumstances and enforced formally (sexual harassment) or informally (what a creep!) then there will always be the problem: men can't initiate anything without penalty unless the woman is interested and there is no way to know she is interested without doing something, (unless she is willing to take the initiative which most women are not).
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flirtation and sexually charged conversation has to be accepted as a normal part of social interaction
You brought this point up before. It sounds like you're having trouble scoring with women, and the problem is that women do not often approach a male stranger with the idea already fixed that she wants to have sex with him or not. Yes, I know it HAS happened in the history of the planet.
But for the purposes of, for instance, the LW, the usual route is you get to know a man first thru non-sexual, non-flirtaceous conversation. A lot of women don't know if they want to have sex with a man or not until they get to know him and trust him. They need for emotional compatibility to build up.
It sounds like you want to engage in sexual talk and acts with women without anyone getting to know each other first, and that is just not how it's usually done.