Letters to the Editor
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nashah
Tells it like it is.
All women want the 'alpha' male--the top 20% of men who get 80% of the women's attention.
But do the math. Of course all the women can't GET the top 20% of men.
So instead of dating some nice, decent, nerdy, accountant-type they write bitter letters to places like Salon bemoaning the 'fact' there are no men out there.
If you can't, for whatever reason, get the alpha-male--give it up & quit complaining.
And try needlepoint--very relaxing.
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Thank you...
for an incredibly timely letter. I was just knocked off the dating horse and feeling a little sorry for myself. But this letter and all the responses, reminded me to keep on forging ahead.
LW, you and I are similarly situated. I discovered that getting a date in my 30's is harder than when I was in my 20's. Recently, I started to make concerted efforts to get out there and meet people. But getting out there means facing rejection, which is difficult, especially for women since, traditionally, we are accustomed to being approached and are the ones saying no. There are highs and lows that come with being proactive... highs when the last four dates I went on all told me I was wonderful and wanted to see me again... lows when the last three men I contacted never bothered to respond. It's like job interviewing for that dream position you've wanted all your life. Your ego will likely take a beating and you just have to remind yourself that it's all part of the process. Be patient. Push yourself outside your comfort zone, even just a little. I may not have found a love connection yet but I've met some great people and broadened my social circle.
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BlackVegan brings up a good point, sort of
because every time a GUY writes that he is smart, good, etc. so why is he unloved, he gets about FIVE TO TEN TIMES the number of letters this woman has gotten telling him he is not all that.
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Be interesting
Watch "The Pick Up Artist". Just download it...and see the male perspective on dating. A bunch of ugly and unattractive nerds get some coaching from Mystery - and you as the viewer see a literal transformation on these guys, from ugly ducklings to guys who look decent, and in some cases from abject losers to fairly handsome dudes.
The key is to BE INTERESTING...to your targets. As long as you can just be interesting - then others will be interested in you. Wear clothing that conveys sexuality - that doesn't mean totally slut it up. Maybe you need a change in social groups. Alpha women tend to enjoy being around a group of less attractive women - why? Because it amplifies how much more attractive they are. Don't be the ugly duckling around the Mother Hen.
Think of some funny stories to talk about to break the ice. Ask questions about the other person. Engage the person. Have some interesting topics ready to talk about when things are looking silent.
Wear clothing that looks good on you - ask someone else to critique, and not just a female friend who might be secretly in competition with you, and sabotaging you behind your back. There's tons of material out there and you just have to devote some time towards it. You don't have to buy the most expensive name-brand makeup. Check out the stores that do walk-in make-up jobs for women, and notice what they're using is not the most expensive stuff, yet it looks amazing with proper and effective application.
Take an inventory of yourself - what do you have? A large bust? Maybe a little bit more full figured? Very thin? It doesn't matter what body type you have. There are always ways to accentuate and take advantage of what you have. Look at the famous actresses around you. Oprah Winfrey, Kelly Ripa...look at them as they are onscreen, and then take a look at how they are without their makeup on. Looks-wise, they're really not so different from any other woman.
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Dear Cary
I'm a HAWT guy. So why are HHHHAWT women not jumping into my lap like tuna onto a boat?
Signed,
DimStar69
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Some (possible) sure-fire moves
Shy? Your're thinking about yourself. Forget about it, or learn to. How? Think about him.
How to make yourself attractive? Well, a start is: try doing a few things you don't see guys do. Like, gently rolling your shoulders/tossing your hair (some Italian girls do this wonderfully); and looking upwards and even rolling your eyes (i.e. the 1920's song: "... and I'm learning to roll my eyes"); and letting the heel of a shoe fall away after crossing and re-crossing your legs; and let's not forget: gentle touching, when appropriate.
Does this remind you of Sex, or getting ready for it? It's meant to.
Obvious? Of course; but done the right way, it often works.
And smile, lots, at him: gives him confidence.
Then, let him know you're available. How do? "What you said was fascinating; could you just tell me a little more about that last bit." Anything to make him feel good/important, especially if he's not. And even if he is.
I particularly like the story from two thousand years ago of how, when Mark Anthony and his mates went fishing on the Nile, Cleopatra arranged for underwater swimmers to attach live fish to his hook. So, you do what you gotta do, even if you're Queen of Egypt. Then, you can relax a little.
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Contrarian advise
Nothing wrong with Cary's advise and the advise of many other, but let me add something: Live in the Moment.
Simply put, enjoy just looking at a man, whenever, wherever; enjoy talking with a man, whenever, wherever. Smile naturally because you like what you are seeing or like the conversation. Nothing forced. Not worring about any potential future. Things will happen because you will send the right signals and magically you will become more attractive.
I have a long-term interracial relationship with an attractive black woman who grew up in a primarily white environment. The writer will face some barriers because some white men don't know how (or are a bit to scared) to chat up a black woman, and some black men don't know how (or are a bit to scared) to chat up a black woman who grew up in a primarily white environment. BUT there are plenty of men who are MORE ATTRACTED to someone who is just a little different -- it makes life more interesting and rewarding. You just need to relax a bit and you will send the right signals to them.
Don't worry it will happen, be happy and good luck.