Letters to the Editor
-
To clarify
I just zone out and not care to psych myself up.
I just zone out and act 'not caring'...
-
To all you "This letter has already been answered" posters
W.T.F.?!
Are you serious that there cannot possibly be TWO African American women in the whole of the United States of America experiencing the same dilemma?
Go spend your time on something more important.
The rest of us want to read one another's opinion on the letter before us, not your silly "we've read this before" malarkey!
-
An honest answer
I think people are avoiding the real issue here--race. Because it is such a minefield. But I think LW deserves much more honest answers.
Even people who go through life completely color blind, are not color blind when it comes to dating. If for no other reason than we cannot decide with our heads who we find attractive. It just sort of happens. It may be un-pc to mention, but our culture does have a racial pecking order for female beauty. So even if someone can put aside any family disapproval concerns, or any concerns that children might face additional obstacles in life, they may just not find a black woman to be as hot--all other things being equal. No this does not make sense. No this is not "fair". But it may be the unfortunate reality.
A similar problem may not exist for black men because beauty simply is not as much of a factor for men when it comes to attracting dates as it is for women.
LW assumes it is not just a race issue because it also happens in all-black environments. But that is not a good assumption. Some black men may get a non-black vibe from her. And some well to do black men may be more attracted to white women.
-
now that's frightening
americo and brightstar discussing women and relationships
-
Re: americo and brightstar discussing women and relationships
Heh! My first laugh, aloud, of the morning....
Kudos.
-
It's not really about race
I disagree with the poster above -- there are PLENTY of white women who have the same thing happen to them. I agree that being black might throw a tiny extra roadblock in there -- but I think if the LW acted a little more outgoing, men would respond regardless of race -- IF they are inclined to respond at all.
-
ITS NOT YOUR FAULT,CARY!
Sadly theres not much you can really do,its a stereotype that exists and I don't see it changing real soon?
I am 66 year old retired cross country truck driver,so I have formed my opinions in a somewhat dubious way,may not be too scientific fact. But,and how can I say it without being racist,and I ain't. Women of color are just different in there sexual relations,actions. You ain't going to be to interested in Oral sex and for most of your early years have been overly easy willing partner. Not to good when your body is still in growing mode. This is a generality,not you in particular,so don't take offense or hurt feelings,I do not know you.
Your like for a comparison to a car with over 100 thousand miles on it, it may still go down the road but not really all that enjoyable to drive. To much experience? Unspoken word why most black males seek white women partners,think O J. Its just different sex. White girls,Italians,French,Cajun's and the Spanish girls in Nogalas,Arizona. We have completely changed there look,blue eyed blonde's that work the Produce truck warehouses. 100% Mexicans but are almost pure white from the generations of working the truckers during there layovers.
And if you have the fat girl symptom,"why can't men like me for my mind?" We won't,we take food first,beer,recreational sex and then maybe pay the bills. Its a man's world,we still like a woman,but we can always get one,its how we choose,and mostly we choose the others with less experience and body shapes.
I feel for you in a way,its not your fault,I will say and its not nuts? Go motorcycling. You will meet one of ever kind and there is no type casting here. Its motorcycles,the ride,the bike and camaraderie,clubs. There not all tattoo's and hell's angels.
-
Keep trying
I met my wife in the 80s when we lived in a large city. We were in our early thirties. At first she was nice to me, but too busy to date or anything like that. At some point she told me where she lived, which was near an old friend's apartment. Every so often I would stop by her place and see if she was home and wanted to go somewhere. She was never home, but I would leave a note. I wasn't obsessed with her, so the notes weren't scary or anything more than "sorry I missed you". Finally after about a year, she started to include me in groups of friends when she went to hear music or eat at a new restaurant. Then one evening it ended up that I was the last friend there, and we had our "date". We went to eat somewhere. That's all. About a year later we were married and have been for 20 years now. What I'm saying is: be patient, stay open, look for someone you like, and show them you're interested. You can't make love happen, it kind of happens to you.
-
Shoot,
we should just all quit our day jobs and become love counselors!
-
Get a life and then use it
Bar scenes don't promote common interests. Take your interest out, work it and see who gravitates to you. I met my wife rollerblading in Central Park,, which is a great daytime dance venue, full of colorblind hardbodies. Volunteering with a cause was how I met my first wife.
-
racism isn't imaginary
I do think that race is a factor -- stupid as that may be. I think the overriding stereotype about black women is that they are angry. And I don't think our LW fits that stereotype, but she may have to unfairly go the extra mile to express that shy is not angry. I also think appearing multiracial is tremendously difficult within the black community.
The hardest thing about racism is that it doesn't just prevent you from attaining things you wouldn't want anyway -- like dating someone who's prejudiced against you -- it attacks the very idea of good things being open to you. It's truly terrible.
Keep the faith, LW. Good things _are_ open to you. You don't need a percentage of the population. You're looking for individuals.
I also thing you've presented yourself in your letter (and follow-up) quite well -- considered, introspective -- and not arrogant or angry. Perhaps internet dating, which starts with writing and a picture, would be a good fit.