Letters to the Editor
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Regarding marriage,
I wanna marry Cary.
Babies are welcome.
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wow Cary
Chicks wanna marry you and when they write in, it's not even after midnight.
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Well done, brightstar
Like many men, I am tired of the double standard:
1. Women complaining all the day long is "empowerment" and feminism (the so-called pay gap, men don't doing housework, men don't being sensitive and femenine enough, men don't wanting to do everything a woman want them to do, men don't wanting to commit -that is, giving their S.O. the ability to divorce them and take half of their assets and their children). Men have no right to complain: they have to shut up (this is the mark of the slave) when their natural needs are not fulfilled (like sex) or when are attacked ("opressors", "male chauvinists"). This is called "equality".
2. Women explaining with full detail the most intimate details of their sex lives to their female friends and co-workers is normal and usual. But when a man comment some big problem in a marriage (lack of sex and the frustration this produces) with his close family, women get outraged. How does he dare to express that his brother-in-law is entitled to sex? Marriage is only about fitting the woman's need and the man's need are not important at all. If he is unhappy, he has to shut up and "take it like a man" (this is called "rejecting the gender roles", as in feminism)
The role of man in this society is to do everything women want, be labelled as an opressor, and to shut up. As brightstar says, many woman don't want a husband: they want a slave.
But things are changing, many men are waking up from their dream and no amount of shaming language can prevent that.
If you are a woman who disagrees with that and you are able to express this without insulting and using shaming language (I haven't used it), you are welcome. But if you get outraged and begin insult me ("mysoginist", "jerk", "loser", "freak", "you have a short penis", "you scare me", "you have to get laid" - by the way, I do it) you are a bad-mannered person who have no arguments and recur to insults.
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Better to call it off
Dear Baffled,
1. You are a mean bitch with unreasonable (neurotic) perfectionist impulses. Are you going to throw a fit if world peace is not achieved to accommodate your wedding?
2. Whether you believe it or not, you can't marry a person without marrying their family as well. Sounds to me like this match was not made in Heaven.
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Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Families are not perfect. However, if you open your heart and try to have a bit more sympathy for your screwed-up future sister-in-law - and control your desire to look down at her- it will be well worth it over the long run.
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The Perfect Wedding
I think Cary missed the most important part of this problem: The IDEA of a perfect wedding.
Anyone dreaming of a "perfect wedding" is a person engaging in ego fantasies.
The bride who sees herself as the star of the show.
The mother who sees herself as the producer of a broadway show.
The father who shows just how much money he has with a six figure wedding.
Weddings themselves have become competitive events when it really should be about people coming together for a celebration.
The "perfect" wedding would be less formal, less costly and less like a pagaent. But to the person wanting their 15 minutes in the limelight, these are poisonious words.
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Oh for cripes sake grow up
As I was getting ready to leave for the church for my big day, the bus carrying my husband's relatives came down the street and my husband's elderly grandmother tottered to the door. The poor old thing had wet her pants and needed to borrow a pair from my mother.
I was pretty horrified at the time but my mother pulled through, the old lady got to the church on time and I had a lovely wedding.
We laughed about the whole thing later.
Families are like this. If you love your husband, you take what comes with him, it makes life the beautiful mess it usually is.
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From a Little Different Perspective...
Going anywhere with a newborn requires more planning, equipment and flexibility than went/goes into the Iraq war. It's work, hard hard work.
If the GF doesn't deliver before your wedding, she may be too miserably uncomfortable to come. If she does, she will still probably be too miserably uncomfortable to stay. Not to mention that her pediatrician should encourage her not to expose the baby to a large group of people.
She will need a raft of diapers, a suitcase of clothes, bottles and formula if she isn't breast feeding. That's a ton of stuff to haul around.
If your BIL is tied up w/ wedding responsibilities he won't be able to help her.
I honestly wouldn't stress this. It's probably not going to happen.
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Save your money for the divorce
Wanting to have a nice wedding does not make you a Bridezilla.
Writing to an advice columnist looking for tacit approval to be a bitch to your future in-laws because they are not living their lives to the standards you require for your wedding? Now that totally makes you Bridezilla.
Pathetic.
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What kind of wedding doesn't have any children?
No children are allowed at your wedding? No ring bearer? No Flower Girl? No trashy relatives are allowed? No one is allowed to drink too much and fall during the Chicken Dance? What about the underage drinkers that throw up in the bathroom? Aren't they allowed? What about the DJ that you asked not to do anything corny announces the Mr. and Mrs. with the theme song from the Price is Right? All of these things happened at my wedding and I didn't plan it, and all the money and petulance in the world wouldn't have prevented it. It happens, and you know what? It's funny, and it's fun, and it's the nature of weddings. Do yourself and everyone around you a favor and lighten up.
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Anything not perfect
Must therefore be destroyed. Do you want Arbeit Macht Fries with that?
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More off topic ranting
he volunteered the information to me without me being so much as curious about it. Men talk, I know this bothers women because it means you cannot control us completely.
Why did you let him continue? Why wouln't you stop a conversation like that dead in its tracks? That kind of information is none of your business, and a huge violation of your sister's dignity and privacy.
How so? I want people to be happy. Blood is thicker than water, and my brother-in-law feels closer to me than my brother in fact, though my real brother and I are also close. My real brother does not get any from his wife either.
Do you not consider your sister "blood"? You discussed -- or attempted to discuss -- your *sister's* sex life with HER MOTHER. That is nobody's business but hers and her husband's. Her husband is a cad and a disgrace if he thinks telling her family about her sex life is appropriate (maybe he should consider that as a source for her problems). You're just creepy bordering on pathological for passing that along to Mom.
Is this physical abuse or threat of it another way to control men? Must be, because it breaks all semblance of civilization to have women talk about knocking around men much less doing it. No wonder I do not trust women anymore-- to hear such things is beyond the pale.
Can the melodramatics. Anyone confronted with such a discraceful and appalling violation of boundaries and lack of respect for not only the subject but the audience is going to have a visceral reaction. Perhaps "punch" was strong. "Slap" would probably have been more appropriate. You disgust me.
I don't know. Why don't you LIE to me and tell me women NEVER DISH among each other about their sex lives in the minutest detail. LIE SOME MORE and tell me the women never criticize to other women their husbands' prowess or physique or talent in bed. C'mon, I am easy to fool. If you tell me women never talk, I will believe you. (heh)
I have no idea what other women do. I don't talk like that, and I get creeped out by people who do, so I don't listen to their chitchat. If the most intimate aspect of a couple's life together are opened up to public discussion, what else is left for them to call their own?
Brightstar, I really did start to believe that you couldn't get a date because you were slightly awkward and overweight (according to you). Now I know that nobody will date you because you have zero notion of what constitutes appropriate social discourse.