Letters to the Editor
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I'm not getting it
I've read this letter a couple of times, and I read ALL the responses. I'm still not getting what the big problem is. From what I can tell, it seems LW is upset, hurt, "baffled" because the best man's girlfriend/fiancee is pregnant and may have a baby at her wedding. Um...is that it? There has to be more to it. I guess LW is feeling like she's done all of this the "right" way, with the planning and the magazines and the jordan almonds and the tasteful linens. She's been "preparing" for years while living with her new husband, and "planning" for over a year. Now some hyper-fertile 20-year old is going to have a wedding and a baby right around her own wedding. I think this is more about the 20-y.o.'s marriage than it is about the LW's.
I'm going way out on a limb here, but maybe LW is resenting that it seems so easy for the unworthy little trollope. My guess is that the pregnant girlfriend is a lot more fun than the LW, the in-laws probably like her better. The family has been supporting the ostensibly screwed-up brother, and maybe they're just as happy about his situation as they are about the LW's. Maybe they're happier. Maybe this makes LW want to pull her hair out.
It's funny, because the LW clearly wants to paint a picture of some horror with a squealing newborn ruining the big day, but it seems that most of us reading and commenting aren't getting that picture. We see a young girl who's made some mistakes and is "really excited" to be starting a new life...husband, baby, GED! In her failed attempt to paint this monster, the LW reveals herself as petty, selfish, and kind of baffling in her own way. I'm really not understanding all her anger.
If the problem really is that there might be a newborn at the wedding, um, hire a nanny for the afternoon. Now that you're in a good financial position, it seems that even $100 for the day is an easy way to move past this. How you get past whatever it is that is making you freak out about something so seemingly benign is a much more troubling question.
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Speak Now! Or Forever...
Oh, sigh. So many brides are using the wedding as their first major exercise in Petty Social Power: who's in, who's out, who's wearing the right outfit, who Must Be Snubbed. Gag me with a magnolia leaf, I grew up with that. It was monstrous. (Turned me crazy at first, but into a good poet later. Ha ha ha. Take THAT, you Cheerleader! What? You don't read poetry?)
I am thinking, this baby its Momma awaits with joy in her eyes might be one lucky pupper. That young woman sounds like she craves belonging and family just as Cary described.
The kids-to-be of the bride-to-be, though, may be in for a far less grounded childhood. I think they'll be busy choking for oxygen in a household where Mother's Image rules supreme. Poor things.
What a loathsome event so many weddings have become. Joy is intergenerational, so work it out, would you? Don't even videotape it. Try just BEING there.
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Split the difference
I've been in both camps re: children at weddings. At my wedding and reception (which were in the daytime), I specifically invited everyone and their kids. I figured, hey, my friends are considerate enough that if their child starts making a fuss, they'll take him outside. Also, my 5-year-old sister was my flower girl, so it was pretty hypocritical to say, "My sister is the only child allowed."
HOWEVER. When my sisterinlaw got married, I had a 6-week-old baby. I did NOT drag the baby to the ceremony; I stayed home. I did bring baby to the reception, and spent quite a lot of the time walking baby around outside.
So I'd split the difference: No babies at the ceremony, but they're okay at the reception, which will be big and noisy anyway. Sisterinlaw can stay home with baby during ceremony, and then come to reception after.
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fine example of white trash
Am I mistaken or did three separate posters actually say some women are stupid sluts who become career single mothers because they are too lazy to work and don't mind ducking bullets?
Who knew that people who had such ideas could actually read, let alone read Salon?!? And they write too!
Please do continue to spew forth the unmitigated ignorance that is your opinion. We all needed a really good example of whte trash, and you've provided it splendidly!!
C'mon! I know you're probably even more stupid than you've already let on. Let's hear some more!!!
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Oh, and Anonymous who wrote...
"babies and children (and alcoholics) want to make the whole them about THEM. They want to scream and bother people until no one can hear or appreciate the purpose of the event. They are inappropriate. They are beside the point. The are not welcome. They should be kept away."
I really couldn't tell if you were being sarcastic. The idea that babies want to make weddings all about THEM and that they "want" to bother people" is hysterical. If you're joking, I applaud you. That was very funny. If you're serious...wow.
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Lobelia. What a beautiful name.
LW can sing a song:
A Tiskit a Diskette, a green and yellow basket (Chorus and stanza), and all together now, hit it Cary, WE put into the basket, a lovely yellow Lobelia...or...we/me need a yellow birch coffin.
...LW can be a fun basket case. No marry if at all possible. But if you do, don't have Cary play Tennis, and forget to be the best-man or usher? Cary, truth varies, but NO play The Wagner Death March eulogy at the funeral/wedding. okay.
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Who is the guest sitting in the wedding crowd smoking a Kool, blowing smoke rings, smoke signals, DANGER, and wearing dark shade glasses? Yikes!
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do unto others...
...as they have done to others.
Cary called this one. But I want to add what he is too kind to say: LW, you're despicable. (So, LW, how does it feel to be judged as you have judged your sister-in-law?)
LW sounds like an uppity, judgmental Bridezilla I hate when people are obsessed about their weddings. LW has a bad superiority complex. How presumptuous she is to think that because she's found the right person and has a traditional wedding planned, her whole marriage will play out perfectly! Apparently the in-law found the right person, too, but LW detests her for it. And all those quotations in LW's letter are another clue to her underhanded personality - she's trying to pass off her judgments as though they're not hers, but rather the consensus of the masses. At least own your own judgments, LW. Like this--> Here's my judgment, LW: you sound like a B-I-T-C-H.