Eharmony makes it very clear what "clean" means, as a previous post pointed out: it's about hygiene. Hygiene isn't all or nothing, clean vs. dirty. Some women I know don't remove their makeup every night, or floss regularly, or wash their hair daily. Others shower morning and night and wash their hands 40 times a day with antibacterial soap. So who is appealing? Depends on who you ask.

Anyway... You got a collection of men who are interested in good hygiene as a result of your analysis. Somewhere in there you indicated that you are closer to the obsessive handwasher than the never-flosser. It is not all men, it is a very particular subset of Eharmony men who were (supposedly) chosen specifically because they match you. You are probably a frequent flosser, and now you have your pick of men who value that. Yay.

Incidentally, I didn't find Eharmony men to be conservative or overly religious--the results of my analysis no doubt took care of that. But I did find the men to be bossy and "don't waste my time with idle chit chat." So I quit. I like idle chit chat. Guess that didn't come through in my analysis!

Yes, "clean" might mean many things to many people, and sure, a lot of guys might select it "just because." Still: a majority of me DO pick it, for whatever conscious or unconscious associations they have with the word, and that says something.

But frankly, I'd be surprised if a majority of women don't pick it too. Do they, by the way? I think this because choosing "not clean" over all these other character flaws says something about the sort of unease and ambivalence we online daters feel about online dating. Sure -- a great match might be out there, and we all bring our optimism and open minds to the process. But, don't most of us on some level also bring a fear that some sketchy folks linger out there too, and we don't want to connect with them? It's irrational, but it's still a fear. And "not clean" may be nothing close to a character flaw like "racist" or "liar" -- but those words have no visceral appeal; they fail to conjure the weirdo we fear the way "not clean" does. So we see "not clean" and feel on some level that visceral fear and find ourselves clicking it.

Eharmony should eliminate the option because it's ridiculous. LW is right, no one these days truly is unclean, and if they were, they don't see themselves as unclean and certainly won't cop to it on eharmony. Clicking "not clean" is absolutely no screen for meeting truly unclean people (just like it's no screen for meeting racists). Which really makes it even more fascinating that everyone picks it.

Makes me think of the classic attraction/revulsion associated with the unclean -- perhaps the same attraction/revulsion we feel toward online dating.

The sentence near the beginning should read "still, a majority of MEN do pick it..." ... (Freudian slip?)

On this web site, do they have an "Other" option?

What if you said, "Can't stand Segasauruses?" Or, "Can't stand off-key clarinette-playing?"

Do they allow for actual dislikes? Or do they try to jam you into their preconceptions? Do you care about their preconceptions?

Can't stand silly web sites.

....these men want women who are "clean" as in "not slobs." They don't want women who are poor housekeepers and who live in pigsties...because they are looking for women who will be willing to clean up after them. Don't worry--after the first two or three years it won't bother you anymore.

Leah

The actual "Can't stand" selection is "I can't stand: Poor Hygiene...

I can't stand someone who is not clean."

I think it is fine that according to the woman who wrote in that 60% of men say this. I have personally dated women who are not very hygienic. And I am sure every woman out there has dated guys who are pretty dirty too.

When a man imagines his ideal woman, I would bet dollars to donuts that he imagines her just bathed, fresh as a daisy, soft and powdered. Seldom does a guy imagine her just coming in from a three-week camping trip, ripe as last weeks dirty laundry.

Does that mean he doesn't like oral sex? I think that is a bizarre extrapolation, personally. (By the way, every guy I know totally digs oral sex.)

So....it seems the onus is more on the letter-writer than guys as a whole...at least 60% of them. Rather than imagining the possibilities of what it could possibly mean, perhaps she should just accept it and move on.

great letter! Now THIS is way more entertaining than an evening of tv!

I have one friend who fell for, and has been crushingly disappointed, by this eharmony thingy.

Person in question is a psychologist and actually bought into the "science" of it. Oh my.

I've been reading Salon for years, since the Mr. Blue days, and when Cary had one column per week. I've not fallen into the "made up letter" category...yet.

But this letter, on the heels of the one by the woman who's dating a man who didn't brush his teeth for 8 years, begs the question: With all the Salon readers out there, real people with foibles nad problems who probably write in for advice, is this the best you can offer?

Who writes an advice columnist wanting to know why eHarmony has a "don't like" of "clean women?" And of what value is that to anyone else?

Most people would think, "OK, this is a little odd. I'll just skip eHarmony if that doesn't sit well with me and find some other dating service that floats my boat."

And what advice columnist decides to waste precious column space on an answer to this? I didn't even read Cary's response, as I knew he'd take it all the way over to the price of tea in China and back.

You want a columist? Pay me. You'll come out cheaper, Salon, if you pay by the word, because I'll be blunt. "You don't like that qualifier by eHarmony? Then quit the service, don't 'nudge' anyone, and go out into the real world and meet someone. Or try another dating service that doesn't offer a caveat about personal hygiene."

And at the end of my reply, I'll write: "You guys, give me a real dilemma to opine upon. This stuff? You can figure it out yourself. If you're writing me with this trifle, it's because you want to see the glory of your words in print."