eHarmony is run by Christian evangelicals.

my internet dating friend found eHarmony to be the least cool, least intellectual, least arsy, most tacky and lowbrow of the dating sites. you read Salon and you're on eHarmny? pick a different one.

if you're dating a guy whi has to fold and smooth his chinos after taking them off instead of just tossing them wherever they land on the floor, run, don't walk.

The writer states they must pick 10 things they don't like. 10 things is a lot. Picking things you don't like eliminates possibilities. These men want to meet someone. So they pick the 3 or 5 or 8 things they really don't like, and then they say "darn, I got to pick more. Hmm... clean. Yeah, I like clean women! That seems like a no-brainer."

I think the writer is reading too much into this.

-geekd

Sixty percent of the men I meet on eHarmony say, "I can't stand someone who is not clean."

That leaves forty percent...maybe you could get together with one of them.

I am a man, and when I read this, my first response was that it meant "not messy" as in: tidy house, tidy car, etc. It would have taken a huge stretch of the imagination for me to decide that it meant "bathed enough for oral sex."

For example, my wife doesn't keep her car clean (It's full of wrappers, empty water bottles, etc.) and it drives me nuts. Much more so than if she hasn't just popped out of the bath.

Maybe, just maybe, men think they are being asked a different question here? If I was completing the questions, I probably would have included it in my "can't stands" as well.

perhaps a craigslist ad is different, but when people say they want a clean roommate, they mean they don't want to live with slobs.

isn't also possible that, as a single person, you may have developed some bad household habits, not having to pick up after yourself or clean your shower or etc? and as a non-stereotypical-single guy, they're just not into that?

it just seems too much like code for "clean" to mean chaste/hygienic/wholesome.

(though i also agree with the poster that said it might mean drug-free)

plus, with so much ambiguity, it also seems shortsighted to close off the potential match until you find out what it means...

In another context, it might also mean "free from STDs" or "non-usage of drugs and/or alcohol," but based on eHarmony's general bent, I doubt it's either of those.

Anyway, this letter strikes me as pretty darn crazy. eHarmony men may be doing themselves a real favor by turning the LW off!

This one is easy… these men have strong homosexual tendencies. You do not go to e-harmony looking to fulfill a sexual kink… you’re looking for Ward (or June) Cleaver… men with a supra non-threatening sexual personas.

I didn’t give this much thought until two of my obviously gay (but apparently in the closet) friends got engaged to two obviously non-sexual women through e-harmony. Then I started watching the commercials… holy crap… e-harmony is a sight for goofy ass sexually ambiguous Jared’s and like-minded women looking to get married. They can even have kids after the spending several $10’s of thousands of dollars treating “infertility”

And folks with a strong religious outlook, clean might mean virgin, or near virgin ... ie not sexually active woman, a proper Christian wife? That would be my guess. (or clean as in no sexual diseases? )

My second guess would be with the writer, no oral sex

I'm wondering if, by "clean," the guys mean someone who's clean around the house. A lot of middle-aged men are hoping that they can find a woman who, in addition to providing regular sex, will pick up after them should they end up marrying or cohabitating. Even if guys are willing to take care of their own messes, hardly any want to be the male equivalent of a housewife and clean for themselves and their partners. And I think many people of both sexes see a messy home and conclude that the occupant is hygienically unclean as well. Just a thought.

This should be everyone's mantra when online dating. I hate when people see red flags in everything. There could be dozens of reasons why a man would check off "must be clean." In all likelihood, he has had a previous relationship with slob (yes, slobs are not confined to the male gender). If you are worried about the oral sex thing, maybe you should ask about it instead of assuming.

that seems like an obvious analytical starting point

I don't understand this clean thing, coming from men. The last two men I dated both wanted me to go without bathing for days on end (apparently, this was something that Napolean famously requested of Josephine). I complied but it felt gross. Now men want clean? What's the world coming to? Soon they'll be exchanging recipes...