meant "artsy" not "arsy"

"who" not "whi"

etc.

But for me it means not having a criminal record, not carrying concealed weapons and not using narcotics. I just hate it when they show up with a concealed weapon.

You're right. Every time I see the eHarmony ad, I wonder if these are actors or real people, because if they are real people, two of the guys seem 100% in the closet, lol.

The "I can't stand someone who is not clean" choice on eharmony is listed under "hygiene." I can't stand someone who is not tidy, or something like that, is another choice. I'd be curious to know if 60 percent of the women choose this, too.

Why not just ask one of these men directly about their "I can't stand someone who is not clean" choice. I bet you'll get a zillion interpretations of that question.

But given that eHarmony.com is full of Christain overtones, my guess is that the original intent of the question has something more to do with STD's or how much the woman sleeps around.

You've sold me!

Christian overtones indeed. eDissonance is a better site.

Vanity...

I can't stand someone who is overly interested in their physical appearance.

Dependence...

I can't stand someone who bases their happiness on me.

Depressed...

I can't stand someone who is constantly unhappy about their life.

Lying...

I can't stand someone who lies to anyone-especially to me.

Cheating...

I can't stand someone who takes advantage of people.

Cynicism...

I can't stand someone who generally sees the world from a cynical perspective.

Anger...

I can't stand someone who can't manage their anger, who yells, or bottles it up inside.

Self-Centered...

I can't stand someone whose main topic of conversation is himself/herself.

Rude...

I can't stand someone who is belittling, impatient or hateful to people in any situation.

Unhappy at Work...

I can't stand someone who hates their job and complains about it all the time.

Materialistic...

I can't stand someone who sees material items as a measure of success.

Denial...

I can't stand someone who is unable to accept blame or see fault in their own actions.

Workaholic...

I can't stand someone who treats everything in life as secondary to their job.

Lazy...

I can't stand someone who likes to spend excessive time sleeping, resting or being a "couch potato."

Worrier...

I can't stand someone who easily loses perspective and constantly worries.

Intolerance...

While I understand that religious conviction is a positive trait, I can't stand someone who is self-righteous and feels that their particular faith is the only one that matters.

Victim Mentality...

While everyone has times of self-pity, I can't stand someone who continually sees himself/herself as a victim.

Grudges...

I can't stand someone who has a chip on their shoulder.

Mean Spirited...

I can't stand someone who has a devious nature and is mean to others.

Childishness...

I can't stand someone who is not emotionally mature.

Fiscally Irresponsible...

I can't stand someone who is incapable of managing their money.

Petty...

I can't stand someone who focuses on imperfection.

Hypochondriac...

I can't stand someone who has a general disposition of sickness and is constantly treating the symptoms of their supposed illness.

Boorishness...

I can't stand someone who is inclined to rowdy, vulgar or disrespectful behavior when "having fun."

Excessive Overweight...

I can't stand someone who is overweight.

Gambling...

I can't stand someone who gambles.

Drugs...

I can't stand someone who uses illegal recreational drugs.

Intruding Family/Friends...

I can't stand someone whose relatives and friends are constantly calling or visiting.

Values

Punctuality...

I can't stand someone who is always late.

Flirts...

I can't stand someone who constantly flirts with the opposite sex.

Racist...

I can't stand someone who believes that any particular ethnic group to which they belong is superior to the rest of humanity.

Television Junkie...

I can't stand someone who constantly watches television.

Poor Hygiene...

I can't stand someone who is not clean.

Hypocrites...

I can't stand someone who holds a double standard for their actions and those of other people.

Gossip...

I can't stand someone who loves to talk about other people.

Judgmental...

I can't stand someone who finds fault with everyone and everything.

Pornography...

I can't stand someone who views or owns pornography in any form.

Addictions...

I can't stand someone who currently suffers from addictions.

Sloppy...

I can't stand someone who is unkempt.

Undependable...

I can't stand someone who fails to come through and is unreliable.

Cheap...

I can't stand someone who is so tightfisted as to be impractical.

Foul Mouthed...

I can't stand someone who swears or uses inappropriate language or humor.

Arrogant...

I can't stand someone who is obnoxiously cocky.

Extremely Shy...

I can't stand someone who is so shy that they cannot open up and share with me.

Pessimism...

I can't stand someone who always sees the glass as half empty.

Political Correctness...

I can't stand someone who censors their thoughts and opinions with a politically correct agenda.

Recklessness...

I can't stand someone who has a careless and irresponsible manner when with others.

Sexually Obsessed...

I can't stand someone who is sexually obsessive.

Uninterested...

I can't stand someone who does not enjoy having sex on a regular basis.

Infidelity...

I can't stand someone who engages in sex outside a committed relationship.

the person who suggested these men seeking "clean" women are closeted gay men have a point...

I was on eHarmony for a few months. At the time, I had no idea of the evangelical connection or the other stuff, positive and negative, that eHarmony has been connected with. I can tell you that 80% of the time whatever "can't stands" I or she chose didn't play too much into who I eventually dated on the site, and I never connected the "clean" thing with oral sex. Nor, I think, would many of my friends have made that link. Never crossed my mind, ever, and several of us have been accused of having, er, adventurous minds.

I would invite the author to examine why she made that connection- it's not my (or anyone's) place to tell her she's wrong, and she may have damn good reason to make the connection that she does. But can she, should she automatically assume that the men she's looking at make that same link? Is that useful to her or her prospective others? If oral sex (or any other practice) is a deal-breaker for her, is this pool of men the best place to look for a sexually open minded guy? Not judging, just asking.

(I'd note too, that said, that I didn't think, as some of the other letter writers do, that the origins of the site skewed the pool towards conservatives, or evangelicals, or anything else. I met women who were church ladies and yoga teachers, bohemians and prudes alike. But maybe that's because I live in a big city in a blue state.)