Since you keep coming back to the "not clean" vs. "racist" scenario, I'll say this:

A person who doesn't care much about their hygiene or cleanliness MIGHT be willing to admit that it's not their top priority, and that they think the world doesn't stop if they go without showering or making the bed for a few days.

But no racist on this earth will EVER admit that they are racist or classify themself as such.

So, one of the checkboxes has SOME point, while the other has NO point.

It's ironic to read this article with all the clean asses blinking at you.

This is an incredibly deep, nuanced question. I decided to investigate it further on Match.com

My methodology involved controlling for two variables: over/under 5' 10", and commitment to fighting racism. The first part of the study involved those women desiring partners over 5' 10" in height.

Surprisingly, out of the selected sample NO woman mentioned COMMITMENT TO FIGHTING RACISM in her profile!

Frankly, I was shocked. Why were women so willing to trade "tall" for something so integral to the character of a person?

The second part of the study looked at women accepting partners shorter than 5' 10" (since I'm only 5' 8", I was particularly interested in these results!).

ONCE AGAIN, women in the selected sample DID NOT mention COMMITMENT TO FIGHTING RACISM in their profile!!!!!!!

Can we thus conclude that all women on Match.com are racists??? And if not, maybe there is something else negative we can say about them! WHAT A GREAT DISCUSSION! WOW!!!!!!!!!!

Quote from a previous letter: "I think it's easier to check the little boxes that account for the 'Well, I expect this in a human!' like cleanliness, or as someone else pointed out, walking upright."

I do the opposite -- if that trait is a reasonable expectation of a normal human being, then I'm with the LW on not wasting Top 10 space with it. Any deal breakers I have are giant, life-defining ideas, like "I don't want kids." I don't bother to start the nitpick list all the way down at "I'm looking for someone who is capable of functioning in the outside world, and who is not mentally unhinged or currently in prison."

You make some interesting points in your rebuttal, but the fact remains that in your original letter to Cary you expressed revulsion against the men who checked the "can't stand dirty women" box, because you thought it meant one thing, that the man did not like performing oral sex on a woman--something that is evidently a deal-breaker for you, as it probably is for many women.

Now numerous people of both sexes have written and told you that this is probably not why they check this box.

You also asked, rhetorically, I assume: Who in this day and age of running water and indoor showers is not "clean"?

Well, the answer to this is a hell of a lot of people, though people who are not clean don't often admit to it, and as you can see from the responses here, people have varying definitions of cleanliness.

At least the check statement as currently defined gives you guys and guyettes something to talk about if and when you meet.

A statement like "I hate having oral sex with someone who has not washed since they last took a poop, especially if they wipe themselves from back to front", while providing a more accurate scenario as regards likes and dislikes, is a bit more detailed than most people will want in the early flirtation phase.

If you want an even more detailed analyis, I would say that most men are not wildly enthusiastic about performing oral sex on middle-aged women, but if they like the woman and her personality, they will do it because they know it will make her happy.

Good luck anyway.

You said: "If I cannot have my way, to be treated as a full person, not as some Alpha Fool, I want no way with women. I have learned to live without women. I just wish I could let go of the heartbreak of it."

Yet another lame contradiction. You are also over in Cary's thread talking about your e-Harmony experiences. Very strange for a guy who has given up on women. Too bad that they don't still have a diagnosis of Multiple Personality Disorder. I believe you might qualify.

You are either a complete phony and liar or completely in need of psychiatric help -- maybe both.

When you spout your usual trollish oh-my-God-I-can't-get-a-hot-woman-for-my-not-so-hot-self, I am going to ignore you.

AKA, why do you have to feel there is a contradiction in any of the above? Certainly, you are entitled to feel resigned that you will never win the lottery, but still buy lottery tickets on the chance fate will deal you a better hand than you expect.

I treat eHarmony with the same attitude I would treat a slow motion car crash occurring in front of my eyes. I place no bearing or importance on what goes on during the meeting or date and let things flow. I just let the tragedy happen.

I let go. Really, this is the only way to deal with being a man like me who wants to be FREE. A zen-like detachment from reality. My freedom at the end of the night is in knowing things happened as they were meant to happen, completely out of my control. If she never wants to see me again, that is perfectly fine. If she adores me, that is fine too. I am along for that 'ride'.

Many women still date even after declaring their hatred for men, or after they declare they do not want kids. Do you stop having sex just because you want no more kids?

Why am I any different and less entitled to live a seemingly contradictory life? It is called COMPLEXITY, of mind, of thought, of intent. I do not live to serve someone's interest in keeping me DOWN by keeping me on a thin straight line. How arrogant of anyone that expects that of me.

My coming Saturday date is sounding better and better, maybe I'll get some action. Today I find out the hot latina (who weighs all of 108) actually likes 6 ft slightly pudgy men (like me). but really, if nothing happens, no chemistry, or no kiss, I will not frustrate myself with Earthly concerns like seusuality, love, affection, sexual needs. I have no control over the outcome, the way you American women expect us men to be, passive vessels, (while you yourselves still get to make all the sexual decisions and screw men as much as you please yourselves.)

Oh, and she is not really American, so I have hope that she turns out to be a perfectly fetching, charming woman who will not be hostile or hateful towards me (unlike the bitter American crone I, unfortunately, went out with last night).

However, when you start in with completely unreasonable, overdramatic BS, I am going to call you on it.

Funny, how that still works only one way. You women can get all dramatic on our asses, yet we are supposed to just take it. I shall begin calling women on their drama too (actually I already do, it just makes them more pissed off... it is hilarious!)