Since the Can't Stand item was listed under hygiene, then we can assume it refers to bodily cleanliness. If this list of Can't Stand items is unisex, then it's just as likely that women will be clicking on this choice as frequently as men do. Maybe yes, maybe no. We don't really know what the actual percentage of men on eharmony chose to pick this item. We do know that about 60% of the men that the LR was matched with did. Hmm, isn't that interesting, considering the level of heebee jeebies this sets off in her!!

We do know that she made a huge assumption about what this choice means to the MEN who chose it which actually tells us nothing about these men, and a lot about the LR's state of mind and assumptions and emotional make up. Cary's response would have been more useful if he had encouraged the LR to explore why she is so upset about the whole cleanliness thing and why she makes such huge assumptions about what total strangers mean when they chose a little radio button over others.

For me, I have no clue which of those 10 I would choose, but I both love and adore the real odors and smells that men make when they are physically active people and when they are sexually aroused and I love the smells my own body makes too. At the same time, nothing is more gross or disturbing to me than a man who is so weird and disconnected from himself that he can't or won't wipe properly and then expect his sex partners to suck him with pleasure. Ever been with someone who leaves skid marks on his underwear or the bedsheets? Let me tell you, there's a lot more than just cleanliness at stake and if I had had a radio button to click BEFORE the fact I would have been clicking like a crazy fool!!

There's a big difference between loving someone's delicious funky sex smells and dealing with anyone who is too fucked up/ immature/ disconnected/ selfish to clean bacterial laden fecal matter off their bodies while expecting another person to put their mouths and noses right into the mess. Give me a break. If I can't monitor my own physical status well enough to tell the difference between when I'm tasty and when I'm rank, then I shouldn't be out there fucking anyone. It's a matter of respect for self and others. One or more experiences with an individual who put me through that and I'd be clicking the cleanliness radio button until it broke!

I was not matched with anyone like this on eH. They apparently read this as "I like hunters with beer bellies who prefer NASCAR to reading, especially if they use their wedding picture with the bride cut out as their eH photo."

Autonomy...

I must have a partner who will give me space to be my own person.

Intellect...

I must have a partner who is bright and can share my understanding of the world as well as enjoy discussing important issues.

Sense of Humor...

I must have someone who is sharp and can enjoy the humorous side of life.

Emotionally Healthy...

I must have a partner who is emotionally healthy, and able to share a stable life with someone else.

Shared Interests...

I must have someone who is willing to share my interests and passions.

Artistry...

I must have a partner who has a passion for music, literature, drama, art, and the finer things in life either as a spectator or participant.

Communicator...

I must have someone who is good at talking and listening.

Energy Level...

I must have someone whose energy level matches my own.

Patience...

I must have someone who can handle life's frustrations or momentary setbacks with a patient, steady, demeanor.

Strong Character...

I must have a partner who is honest and strong enough to do the right thing.

LW wrote: "I asked the question because it puzzles me, and continues to puzzle me. When faced with a list of hugely distasteful human traits, why would someone put a check mark next to something alterable?--ie, a dirty person can take a shower. Yet a trait that reflects the content of someone's character--ie, racism, is rarely checked."

Hmm... I'm thinking a lot of people see this in concrete/personal terms, vs. abstract/impersonal terms. That is, "someone who doesn't take showers now probably never will (actually poor hygiene is pretty ingrained stuff), and I don't want to have to live with that," vs. "someone who's racist doesn't like this group or that group, but that's okay because it probably won't make any real difference in our daily lives together anyway."

I think I'm beginning to understand these guys now... uh-oh, bad sign!

I don't know what the writers at eharmony were considering when they talk about someone being "clean". I wouldn't particularly connect "clean" with "crotch", though. It seems like a big jump in logic. But, if a guy concerned enough about cleanliness of crotch to make that sum up her cleanliness, I'd think it would be because he's thinking about putting his nose TO her crotch.

I have smelled people who I would've guessed hadn't showered that day. Seems more popular among guys, though. I wouldn't want to date a girl who smelled like the people I'm thinking of.

If I read it and thought of cleanliness around the house, it would mean that I wouldn't want to date someone who is much messier than I am--I don't want to live in a mess or clean up after someone else all the time(in addition to cleaning up all my own messes).

Women seem really obsessed with the cleanliness of their crotches. I hear a lot more women talking about it than guys, anyway.

You expect people to be clean. You don't necessarily expect all people to share your ideology.

I think it's easier to check the little boxes that account for the "Well, I expect this in a human!" like cleanliness, or as someone else pointed out, walking upright.

It's sort of like saying "Well, at the very least this is my species."

All the other stuff you can reject later. And usually do!