No, they are not talking about slobs or clean living or virgins. They cover that in other statements that you can choose. eHarmony has a little descriptor of the Must Haves and Can't Stands, and the one for "I can't stand a partner who is not clean" is described as "Personal Hygiene." So it does refer to washing.

I must admit, though, I check it off as a Can't Stand and I'm a woman. I don't like boy-stink.

Just the other night I was at a show and some guy nudged my friend and asked her if she was ‘cool.’ My friend replied that she was really very warm – she didn’t even see the joint the guy was trying to hand her.

I’ve never used eHarmony – but on most of the edgier, younger dating sites ‘clean’ has an agreed upon meaning. If someone is looking for a ‘clean’ partner it has to do with drugs and STDs. It’s an opportunity to get that safe sex conversation rolling as it begs the question, ‘what is clean to you?’

That said – it’s pretty clear to me that in this context they’re talking about being neat and tidy. Like I said – it’s really very funny.

In my mind, choosing "I can't stand someone who is not clean" over "can't stands" involving someone's basic character means one thing: "I can't stand performing oral sex on a woman."

I don't think that follows. If I were a guy writing up my eHarmony profile, and I wanted to covertly express the idea that I hate cunnilingus, I don't think the "I can't stand someone who is not clean" check box would be definitive enough for me. As if these men were thinking, "Wow, the perfect solution! I'll just check this box and every eHarmony woman I meet will know never to expect me to go down on her! Whew! Glad I got that taken care of!"

Maybe you are fastidious to the point of OCD, but you would not go down on a woman unless she showered first? I mean, that kind of kills the passion, doesn't it? All the preparation -- her showering, you doing your dental thing? Strange. I think after that whole production, I (a woman, btw) would sigh, give up on the sex, and take a nap or read a book instead.

Honestly, if a woman showers regularly it should be enough. Same goes for men, who don't always smell or taste utterly wonderful either. I am somewhat convinced that those who think otherwise have something of an aversion to sex, in that they don't actually appreciate the human body (unless it's been completely decontaminated and antibacterialized, of course!).

Well, as the French say, chacun à son goût (each to his or her own taste!)

In my experience of sex with scores of partners, showering and cleaning up is all part of the foreplay that sets a relaxed mood. Of course you don't HAVE to wash before sex, but the discussion was about meeting new partners and one likes to think that they may at least have showered prior to their date rather than coming straight from a hard day's work in a nursing home or suchlike just in case their blind date should provoke an overwhelmingly urgent desire to take a licking.

Recently published photographs on the Internet showing Britney Spears with what looked suspiciously like fecal smears close to her pudenda might dent the confidence of the most avid male fan and make him think "oops, she did it again".

Same goes for other minor courtesies like men trimming their pubic hair if long so that it doesn't make their partners sneeze.

My point about mouthwash etc. was aimed more at the fact that women are notoriously prone to urinary tract infections etc. so it is a good idea to have good oral hygiene if you are going in for oral sex.

when a man reads 'clean', there is no subtext. Sure, there might be an occasional guy who encodes the word with his own meaning, like he is some spy. But 99% of the time it is women always wanting to encode everything they say, write, and do.

MAN: 'clean' means 'clean'

WOMAN: 'clean' means everything but what the man said.

why do women constantly have to complicate things so much?

That's exactly what this letter is about, she reads "can't stand unclean" in the hygiene section of eHarmony and infers that he's not actually wanting a woman who keeps a neat and well groomed apperance in hair, nails and teeth and bathing, but that it might have something to do with oral sex and writes to a male columnist to see if he can tell her what these men "really mean" when they check off the clean box.

Holy crap why do women do this, I notice it in my own friends. Dear letter writer, when they check that off, it means they want a woman who bathes once a day and grooms herself, you know clean. It may be unimaginable to you that there are men and women who don't shower regularly, don't brush their teeth, think gum or mints are wastes of money, don't groom themselves well, wear dirty or torn clothing, but there are and people generally want to get the people with poor grooming habits off their list fast.

Plus I think it does say something about a person when they are meeting someone for the first time and don't bother to clean their home or car. I'm not a neat freak, I'm fairly messy at times. But if company is coming over, the house is getting a scrub down; if I'm picking someone up, the car is getting cleaned out.

I would love to think that 60 percent of men were as clean as I am. Like OCD clean. Like so clean they could teach me a thing or two about clean. Those are the men I would like to meet.

I don't know where the meme began but eharmony certainly accepts and matches non-religious members. I'm agnostic and have met several agnostics and atheists who are also quite liberal.

Sounds like one of those slanders like "Al Gore thinks he invented the internet! HAHA!" perpetuated by people too lazy or ignorant to know better. Or maybe it was like that once, but certainly no longer.

Yes, go to match.com or other virtual meat markets where way too much emphasis is placed on your photos, and everyone thinks they'll get the most attractive mates available.

No, I'm not bitter. Really.