It seems to me eHarmony is sort of a religious (Christian?) dating service, or at least it's advertized at places like Beliefnet. I may have it confused with something else, though. I agree there's often been a religious connection with uncleanness and menstruation, which I think may be a sort of buried fertility goddess worship (women are less fertile that time of the month).

I also think we have a bit of a cultural obsession, especially regarding feminine cleanliness. When the feminine hygiene products first came out, my theatrical sister pantomimed a woman dropping her drawers in the airplane cabin mid-flight and orgiastically wiping herself. Whether or not those products sold well, the comparable male products were dismal failures.

Aside from religion and culture, an excessive concern with cleanliness could indicate an obsessive-compulsive disorder, which could indeed be a concern in a potential partner, especially if cleanliness is rated higher than character and personality.

Come to think of it, is the letter writer certain the question pertains to personal hygiene? The question is a little vaguely worded as to what element of cleanliness is being addressed. It might also mean the man is a slob and hoping for a woman who's good at housekeeping. Whether or not this is desireable, it's probably not deviant.

well, we know one woman will date a guy who hasn't brushed his teeth for 8 years

wow, I did not know that.

I'm married, but I encourage all single people to boycott eH because of their biggoted business practices.

I'm sticking with meetup . com . I've met so many great interesting guys on there who go out and do stuff and not just sit home as entitled couch potatoes shopping for women as if they were shopping for cell phones on ebay.

meetup lets you organize yourself into groups, and people get together to hike, read books, kayak, eat nice dinners, see movies... no one lists their age, religion, cleanliness. And no, I don't work for them. But the site's kinda saved me after going through this divorce I'm going through. Meeting new people is all I need. People know people. And I've met some really nice people on there.

good luck

Here's a simple hint: You are overthinking this. Men are simple, literal creatures who are simply reacting to the question in front of them.

If I were answering this, I might check it too, since the last thing i want to do is to hook up with someone who smells. And for the record, if I had clicked this one, I would not have been talking at all about oral sex, but thanks for implanting that image in my brain and depriving me of sleep for the night.

ROFL.

Okay, I have to admit I hadn't read far enough, to the part where somebody talked about how specific eHarmony is about "clean" referring to hygiene. My bad. But still, with that in place, I don't see what the problem is. As I said, it seems to me much more likely that someone wants a partner clean because they DO want to give them oral sex than that they don't. I also was impressed with the person who made the point that "cleanliness" might be a kind of stand-in because we haven't see the person - in real life, we'd know right away whether they met our standards.

But anyway, I've never gone to a dating site with any real intent because I just think they emphasize things that wouldn't normally be as important to me. I end up thinking in ways that aren't me. For instance, I find myself being much harder on men for their looks than I am when I meet them in real life. It's so artificial! Also, when people are there specifically for "romance," then it seems that it's either all or nothing - it's true love, or we have no use for each other. I'm too tender for that and I have a wiiiiiiiide space in my life for different kinds of friendships. I have met some men on line in different places and become very close, and part of the reason was that we weren't shooting for something specific. We just let the relationship lead us.

BTW, one of the guys I met was a great guy, but he didn't bathe. He stayed with me a week, and only took a shower the morning he left. Now, it never occurred to me that, in our talks, I should try to find out how often he bathed. He's still a friend, but, see, I have some sympathy with the position that cleanliness is an all right thing to ask for.

Can't help put think these guys want someone who'll clean their house as part of the deal. That was my first thought. Someone who IS clean, WILL clean.

so why don't the men clean the house if they want it clean?

I was thinking the same thing about the guy who wrote that oral sex only happens immediately after a shower and mouthwash use. Bwahh ha haha ha! Dude, did you know that you're actually gay? Or at the very least, you have some major issues. When people are hot for each other, oral sex pretty much happens whenever and wherever the mood strikes.

that means we're willing to overlook A LOT as long as you don't act like a stupid jerk

so I have never seen these clowns.

I do not like the casting of aspersions women always seem to freely make against men.

I should begin to call all women who do not fit a narrow model of femininity closet lesbians just to see how women like it back at them.

The answer is contained in the Letter Writers very own posting. Nearly all women are in fact clean. For the first round of communication, us guys want to choose features that will maximize the chances of getting a reply from desirable members. These guys are interested in meeting her but don't really know her, so they choose "can't stands" to be features that she wouldn't possibly have. The Letter Writer should consider this to be a positive sign indicating her own desirability to the responders. Rejecting these guys based upon this criteria alone, then, is self-defeating because she is rejecting the guys who are expressing interest in her the most.