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Sunday, Nov 8, 2009
I don't understand this clean thing, coming from men. The last two men I dated both wanted me to go without bathing for days on end (apparently, this was something that Napolean famously requested of Josephine). I complied but it felt gross. Now men want clean? What's the world coming to? Soon they'll be exchanging recipes...
that seems like an obvious analytical starting point
This should be everyone's mantra when online dating. I hate when people see red flags in everything. There could be dozens of reasons why a man would check off "must be clean." In all likelihood, he has had a previous relationship with slob (yes, slobs are not confined to the male gender). If you are worried about the oral sex thing, maybe you should ask about it instead of assuming.
I'm wondering if, by "clean," the guys mean someone who's clean around the house. A lot of middle-aged men are hoping that they can find a woman who, in addition to providing regular sex, will pick up after them should they end up marrying or cohabitating. Even if guys are willing to take care of their own messes, hardly any want to be the male equivalent of a housewife and clean for themselves and their partners. And I think many people of both sexes see a messy home and conclude that the occupant is hygienically unclean as well. Just a thought.
And folks with a strong religious outlook, clean might mean virgin, or near virgin ... ie not sexually active woman, a proper Christian wife? That would be my guess. (or clean as in no sexual diseases? )
My second guess would be with the writer, no oral sex
This one is easy… these men have strong homosexual tendencies. You do not go to e-harmony looking to fulfill a sexual kink… you’re looking for Ward (or June) Cleaver… men with a supra non-threatening sexual personas.
I didn’t give this much thought until two of my obviously gay (but apparently in the closet) friends got engaged to two obviously non-sexual women through e-harmony. Then I started watching the commercials… holy crap… e-harmony is a sight for goofy ass sexually ambiguous Jared’s and like-minded women looking to get married. They can even have kids after the spending several $10’s of thousands of dollars treating “infertility”
In another context, it might also mean "free from STDs" or "non-usage of drugs and/or alcohol," but based on eHarmony's general bent, I doubt it's either of those.
Anyway, this letter strikes me as pretty darn crazy. eHarmony men may be doing themselves a real favor by turning the LW off!
perhaps a craigslist ad is different, but when people say they want a clean roommate, they mean they don't want to live with slobs.
isn't also possible that, as a single person, you may have developed some bad household habits, not having to pick up after yourself or clean your shower or etc? and as a non-stereotypical-single guy, they're just not into that?
it just seems too much like code for "clean" to mean chaste/hygienic/wholesome.
(though i also agree with the poster that said it might mean drug-free)
plus, with so much ambiguity, it also seems shortsighted to close off the potential match until you find out what it means...
I am a man, and when I read this, my first response was that it meant "not messy" as in: tidy house, tidy car, etc. It would have taken a huge stretch of the imagination for me to decide that it meant "bathed enough for oral sex."
For example, my wife doesn't keep her car clean (It's full of wrappers, empty water bottles, etc.) and it drives me nuts. Much more so than if she hasn't just popped out of the bath.
Maybe, just maybe, men think they are being asked a different question here? If I was completing the questions, I probably would have included it in my "can't stands" as well.
Sixty percent of the men I meet on eHarmony say, "I can't stand someone who is not clean."
That leaves forty percent...maybe you could get together with one of them.
The writer states they must pick 10 things they don't like. 10 things is a lot. Picking things you don't like eliminates possibilities. These men want to meet someone. So they pick the 3 or 5 or 8 things they really don't like, and then they say "darn, I got to pick more. Hmm... clean. Yeah, I like clean women! That seems like a no-brainer."
I think the writer is reading too much into this.
-geekd
eHarmony is run by Christian evangelicals.
my internet dating friend found eHarmony to be the least cool, least intellectual, least arsy, most tacky and lowbrow of the dating sites. you read Salon and you're on eHarmny? pick a different one.
if you're dating a guy whi has to fold and smooth his chinos after taking them off instead of just tossing them wherever they land on the floor, run, don't walk.
I have had oral sex with numerous women, and I am fairly confident that this "clean" women thing has nothing to do with that, for a very simple reason. You don't just grab women off the street and go down on them without both of you have a darn good shower first, whether it be together or singly. You just don't.
And you brush your teeth and preferably use mouthwash to avoid infections in those delicate nether regions, because the human mouth is a positive cesspit of germs.
However, if I was desperate enough to be looking on e-harmony I might still check the box for clean women.
Why?
Well, first of all this would rule out any smokers. Yes, it would, because I can't stand women whose hair, clothes, and homes smell of rancid smoke.
Secondly, because I recently had an experience with a very dirty woman. Not that kind of experience, though! She was one of my tenants, and when she left the house it stank. The spare shower had been used as a cat toilet, the carpets smelled of cat piss, the kitchen was crawling with roaches, the oven was beyond recall,and the refrigerator was the proverbial biochemistry lab.
The reason she left was that her husband had been promoted to a new job as assistant store manager in a well-known Dow Jones Index company that occurs late in the alphabet, and I found myself asking "how on earth could that man marry such a filthy woman?" (I should mention here that the wife was home all day and did not work outside the house. She did not appear to be depressed, though she complained that she thought her husband might well be gay as they had not had sex in three years.)
OK not every one has had this experience, but most of us men do prefer a woman who keeps a clean kitchen, does not leave dirty dishes out overnight etc. We do not wish to shack up with a slattern.
So my bet is that many (not all) of these men have had a bad experience with a woman who was not a good housekeeper, and that it has nothing to do with oral sex.
Another possibility though is that "clean" is a code word for not sexually promiscuous. The late Princess Diana was quoted as saying, with regard to her virginity, that she was keeping herself “tidy” for someone special. The words "clean" and "tidy" seem to have a special affinity for each other and often occur in tandem.
And finally, to people of a religious bent, the word "unclean" may also have special connotations, especially in connection with menstruation and skin diseases. So with these god-fearin' guys, you definitely don't want to be getting menstrual blood on the bedsheets or zits on your face.
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