Letters to the Editor
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I grew up poor, too
Eight years ago, when I moved in with a really good friend of mine, we exchanged stories about our childhoods. He was born to very well to do parents (his mom is a doctor, his dad an engineer). Although he was always the first kid on his block to get the latest of everything, his folks didn't give him much in the time/love/affection departments. My dad was a single parent struggling to get food on the table, yet he showered me with more love and attention than any child could wish for. Do you know what my friend said to me? Here's a direct quote: "I'd have given up everything ever bought for me in exchange for what you had; a loving home."
Having money in your family may make life easier, but not necessarily better. My friend is an angry, sad young man who no longer speaks to his parents.
Have a long, honest talk with your fiance about his upbringing. You may be surprised at what he tells you.
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It's Resentful's problem ...
Let me get this straight: the fiancee doesn't lord his wealth over anyone. He's considerate. He appears to recognize that he came from a privileged background.
And Cary's advice is, "tell him how /he/ needs to understand ..."
Turn this around. Imagine that this was a letter from someone with a rich background, expressing concerns about the poor background of her partner. Would anyone say that it was the partner who had to change?
If you're resentful about something your partner has no control over, that's YOUR problem, not your partner's.
Resentful needs to focus on herself, and her own issues with money, before she gets her fiancee involved. I won't trivialize her childhood by simply saying "get over it," but, given that she has no valid complaints about her partner's behavior, she needs to recognize that her resentment has almost nothing to do with him and almost everything to do with herself.
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LW does not fully explain the issue: is it that he is rich, but dirt cheap? A loser who wants to inherit his money and then never do anything?
Is he generous with you and others (within reason)? If he is cheap, or not motivated, run as fast as you can. It will get much worse.
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The Boyfriend Is Rich?
Ummm... after reading the letter, I did not get the impression that the boyfriend is rich. The LW said his PARENTS are rich, which is different. Yes, the boyfriend had a more privileged upbringing, but that doesn't mean he has his own wealth. If he is living in a lousy apartment and driving a lousy car, he may not be "aping" the poor - he may genuinely not have much money of his own.
Does the boyfriend have a good job? (or any job for that matter?)
Does the boyfriend have his own money and assets?
If the boyfriend does not have a well-paying job, and if he does not have any of his own assets to speak of, then he is not "rich".
Yes, he may one day inherit money from his parents, but that may be 30 years from now.
In addition, he may not have taken advantage of his privileged upbringing by attaining for himself a good education, and he may not even have the ambition to follow in his parents footsteps of doing what needs to be done to attain their degree of wealth. If that is the case, he's NOT wealthy now, and probably won't be wealthy in the future.
The LW came from a background of severe deprivation, and I can't help wonder if she is exaggerating the boyfriend's family wealth based on the degree of contrast she sees from her own background of poverty. These people may be quite middle class.
In any case, I didn't see anything in the letter that suggests the boyfriend is a wealthy man in his own right.