Letters to the Editor
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Don't count his chickens
Rich parents do not necessarily mean a rich son. Your fiance's parents may choose to create a non-profit foundation or donate all or most of their money to charity. They may disinherit their children, or live healthy lives well into their 90s (leaving you & fiancee in your 60s or 70s). Or, perhaps they will encounter a drawn-out illness that uses up their resources. Or they'll lose it in the stock market. You get the picture. This is not a sure thing. Life is not a sure thing.
You're not marrying the parents, you're engaged to marry the son. He seems to have a good head on his shoulders and to be making his own way in the world, seemingly without feeling entitled to parental help in matters of day-to-day survival.
So, what's different here is pretty much entirely in your head. I wonder why he didn't tell you more about his background earlier (did he suspect that you would react poorly?). Whatever. Talk to him. Tell him it wierds you out a bit to think about how different your backgrounds were. Look for commonalities. Think about counseling. He sounds like a keeper, and this doesn't sound like a reason to throw him back.
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Chris is right
If you are already engaged to this guy, why have you all of a sudden found out that he went to prep schools and such? Something doesn't pass the smell test here. Also, if he drives a beat-up car and doesn't have a nice place to live, maybe he DOESN'T HAVE MUCH MONEY! Duh. Just because you grew up well doesn't mean you are a trust-fund kid. Take it from someone who knows. My parents were from the depression era and never believed in giving me things I hadn't earned, especially as an adult. I think you may be confusing their money with his money. Are you thinking that his parents are going to die soon or something?
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another point of view
dear LW,
I think your problem should be looked from another angle. And I suspect part of the problem is the way you may have handled your choosing of relationship with people. Im not saying your conscious of this, but you need to ponder this:
1) You say you dated a bunch of other men and they were losers. what was it about them that you didnt like? Could it have been that it seemed they didnt have enough money to provide a comfortable living for a family? I am not saying you dumped them for lack of money but I wonder if that subconsciously that factored in your decision to dump them. If it was for other reasons that you dumped them, then this point is moot.
2) I dont buy your point that your fiance seemed "poor". I knew a lot of kids growing up, especially in college, who came from upper middle class families (most of them die hard Republican families), and they like to dress "poor", listen to "angry" music and rail against Corporate America, and they wanted to save poor black babies in Africa. But as soon as they graduated they usually went back to their posh lifestyles with Mom and Dad funding them while they were looking for corporate jobs. I knew genuinely poor kids and you could tell they were poor from from their looks..they didn't have healthy look that comes from good nutrition and exercise and other things that money can provide that these poser rich kids had..these poor kids didnt have the best books, best clothes, didnt eat the best meals etc...the rich kids, who were posing as poor, looked healthy and talented and had access to means...my point is, that maybe subconsciously you were looking for someone who had the means and you developed a sense to smell that, but at the same time you wanted some assurance that they didnt flaunt all that richness in a way that would make feel uncomfortable
3) or maybe you always felt so angry at these rich people flaunting all their wealth and living happy lives and you never had a chance or means to channel your anger at this injustice..subconsciously you could have been looking for someone to whom you could vent to about all the luxuries he had and yet feel secure in your relationship with him.
I think at the end of the day you need to understand what he plans to do with his life and how he plans to attain money to take care of his family. if he wants to struggle by himself and make money in an earnest fashion to feed his family and earn a good reputation and not rely on his mom and dad to bail him out then you have nothing to worry about. But if it seems like he is another George W Bush where mommy and daddy will bail him in times of trouble, then you may wanna reconsider your relationship with him (and make sure he doesnt discover Jesus when he is in trouble)
Plus I tend to agree with Cary. It wont harm to remind him of the troubles you went through to achieve what you achieved so far..And while he may be cool with it and still love you and may give up eating at fancy places he maybe used to, you future in laws may not and may resent you making their son save every penny and live within the means...just something to think about....Good luck
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Economic realities
LW, maybe what's making you mad is that your guy is possibly a poser, or worse yet, obnoxiously cheap. IF he has lots of money at his disposal (and as others have pointed out, that's IF), what's he doing pretending he's a paycheck to paycheck type?
Maybe you're seeing him as obsessive or stingy, now that you "know" he has money.
But find out if he REALLY has (his own) money, and quick -- because two people getting married should just plain know each other's financial realities and agree about how to proceed with them. Unless, of course, you want a REAL reason to be miserable once your marriage kicks in.