I would only add that what doesn't kill you makes you stranger. This, too, is a good thing.

This "we will remain best friends" stuff is crap. It's just you (and him) wanting to avoid the pain of the breakup. It's not going to happen, and it is unhealthy for both of you. Your ex should not be the person you call up when you are down, etc. You should not be the person he turns to to talk about his new relationship. Ick! Let it go, take the pain, and move on (and move away!)

Well said. I'll only add a hearty, Amen!

One of my best friends is an ex. But I don't fuss about sparing him pain or trying to mother him by monitoring his relationships and trying to organize his logistics.

Yes, you are still a baby and you have become very dependent on this father figure type of guy who you have been with since you were 18, so it is quite natural that part of you finds it hard to accept that it is over. But it is OVER, OVER, OVER.

You probably listen to pop music, but have you ever noticed that the subject of just about every song ever written somehow revolves around the fact that it hasn't started yet (I Want To Hold Your Hand), is soon to be over (Stop In The Name of Love), or, in most cases, that it is already OVER (Big Girls Don't Cry)?

These are universal experiences that nearly everyone goes through. Love Hurts. Que Sera Sera.

Go home to your family, or live where you want to, but do nothing because of this guy. Cut him out of your life.

It is over and you need to get over it and make yourself emotionally available for Mr. Right who is probably walking the street where you live right now wishing a girl like you would notice him.

Good luck!

Feel the pain. It sucks, but feel it. I am of the school of listening to songs that make you sad when you feel like it, but sunshine and getting out and doing stuff can be good, too.

In weeks, months (hopefully weeks) you'll come to a point where you have a moment of normalness, of happiness, that has nothing to do with this guy. Hang onto it. It will build.

And I agree with Cary: break off a relationship with this guy. He might be just great, but it's a bad place to be.

You will find that there are new things you like to do - new dinners you like to make/eat, new movies, new places, and maybe you'll meet a couple of new friends, or just have a couple of nice conversations with strangers.

Good luck.

it's hard to *stay* friends with an ex. Usually the "friendship" between exes (is that a word? It is now) needs to be put in storage for a while(particularly when one has "moved on" and the other hasn't). After a suitable period (from @2 months to never), the friendship can be resumed when both parties have enough distance.

And right on the money.

Enough said.

Indeed, you should get away from him and move on. You are very young, and mostlikely he is too - that's probably one reason why he's moved on so fast. When we are young, we are hungry to experience life! When we're older, we're driven more by fear and tend to be more conservative in our decisions. Now is your time to go out there and learn about yourself - we learn and grow through many things along the path, but through our losses and during times of change especially. You had an experience with love - take the good memories with you and kiss him and his new girl goodbye. Soon you'll be a whole new woman - trust me.

You may someday be friends with your ex, but at that point you won't care anymore. Your life will be so full of other things that you'll say to your kids or your clients or your husband, "Oh, yeah, Clyde and I actually dated 20 years ago. I'd almost forgotten that. Truth really is stranger than fiction."

Trust me on this. I was psycho about a guy who broke up with me when I was your age. Two months ago I ran into him on the street and we talked for half an hour before I remembered we'd been romantically involved in the early 80's. You think the feelings will burn forever, but the fact is that eventually you just forget and other things fill up your life.

Forget about him sooner rather than later so he doesn't claim another precious minute of your life. Memorize the last page of your favorite novel or The Cremation of Sam McGee by Robert W. Service or your favorite city's telephone directory. Every time your thoughts turn to him and his problems or the other woman or the good days of your relationship, recite to yourself the text you've committed to memory. Or build a scale model of the Eiffel Tower out of toothpicks and decide that with every toothpick you place you will forget something about him.

Better yet, travel.

He has given it before because it is exactly the advice that works.

In addition: Rent the movie "When Harry Met Sally" and when it gets to the part where the Meg Ryan character practically has a nervous breakdown because her ex's rebound person turns out to be his future wife, get out your handkerchief -- or maybe a whole box of tissues -- and cry along with her.

It's over.

while the male goes psycho.

But pain is an equal-opportunity emotion, clearly.

Sometimes exes can be friends, but that seems a very modern invention and works less often than people think it does.

Cary is right like a haiku. I hope you can take his advice.

In the words of the immortal Mr. Blue:

"Do not be pitiful; be pissed off. If you've been crying on your friends' shoulders, stop. If friends bring up the subject of the breakup, tell them that your darling was impotent and you got tired of helping him deal with his sexual insecurities. Get a haircut and buy some new duds. Cut out alcohol and put yourself on a diet of greens and fruit. Hurl yourself into profitable activity: Read a book a week, enroll in a French class, memorize poetry, go to the gym daily. Do this for 90 days, and at the end of it, sit down and ask yourself how you feel about your life. Ninety days of self-improvement fueled by anger should use up much of your anger, and then you can have the final revenge, which is to forgive the pitiful bastard and get on with your life."

And more Mr. Blue:

"Enroll in Mr. Blue's 90-Day Drill for the brokenhearted. Eat lightly, get lots of exercise and push yourself to new physical goals, avoid alcohol, withdraw a little from social life and apply yourself to learning something you've long wanted to learn -- French, swimming, arc welding, Japanese cooking -- and subject yourself to some healthy introspection, an examination of your life, your virtues and weaknesses, your habits. It's a desolate time and put it to good use. In a year, you'll be able to imagine meeting someone else. Somebody from Italy."

I post these messages on my wall every time I get dumped. Which happens every couple of years.

I would add to your required listening: Phil Collins. Tainted Love. And listen to the recent This American Life episode on breaking up. It will CLEANSE you!

You can get through this with your dignity intact!