Letters to the Editor
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They can move
When I had a week old baby, I happened to discover that the apartment I was living in had an improperly installed furnace, and I made up my mind that we couldn't spend the winter there. We found another apartment and moved out within two weeks. It wasn't that hard. These people need to move. They can do it. It's called taking responsibility for your own lives.
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d.c. eric
Yeah, d.c. eric, you're right! The LW should just start being passive agressive and, while s/he's at it, endanger a newborn's health. Terrific idea, thank you for sharing.
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Yo, anonymous
They should move anyway, and I assume they'd move before the birth. They're the one's being obnoxious, and as I said before, it's a lot better than paying legal bills.
If they're choosing to have a baby, they should be prepared to get their own place, not impose on someone who seems to have done more than his/her fair share already.
F' em.
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Presposterous
You might avoid an issue now if you move out, but it's not going to resolve the matter in any final way. In fact it'll probably create a bigger issue in the future.
Go see an attorney and get some advice. Then, most likely what you ought to do is tell the couple that they have 90 days, or whatever notice period is required in your state or city. Or, you may be able to get them to sign a lease for a certain, limited duration (like 90 days). But you definitely should not just move out of your own house and let them stay there indefinitely. It won't be easy to get your own place back, and if you do, you're unlikely to find it in good shape.
Unfortunately, your nice gesture has gotten you in a bad situation.
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Lease?
Everyone's presuming the LW has a lease, but I've got to say: I'm 35, and since my first rental at the age of 21, have had only one lease. Every other rental situation has been as a tenant-at-will. I assume from these responses that that's not as common in other parts of the country, but in my older East Coast city, where landlords live in the first floor apartments of double and triple deckers houses and rent out the upstairs apartments, it's very common. That may be why the LW wasn't clear about what name is on the lease - there might not be one.
Which doesn't change what my advice would be - see a lawyer if you can possibly afford one. Even if you move out, because these people will screw you over on utilities, etc. I can understand moving out to avoid the hassle of trying to get them to leave, but cover your bases.
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Fucking breeders
Fuck the couple. Pregnant??? Waaaa waaaaa!!! Poor me!!!
You know what? Boo fucking hoo for them. This is just more proof that breeders continue to demonstrate to the world that they are self-consumed assholes. So spectacularly self-important that they can NEVER see past their own selfish needs.
Amazing. The most selfish among us are the ones who are reproducing and raising monsters.
God help us all.
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Does the word "doormat" mean anything to you?
Oh, how I wish Ann Landers were still around! She would have given the LW no-nonsense advice. I am sure she would tell the LW to stay: it's his home, for God's sake!
I thought Cary's advice was simply bizarre. Oh, let your friends move in, let them have a baby, cater to their every desire and need, then (when you no longer serve them, and are getting in their way) just politely leave. They need the space, after all! "Oh, I don't mind that my one and only home was hijacked by selfish, inconsiderate people. After all, they're having a baby."
People with new babies move all the time. It's called "life". Of course it isn't easy. Life isn't easy, unless you have a "friend" you can sponge off of and squeeze dry (then throw away). The LW has been keeping his "friends" from facing reality, which is no favor to them (or the baby, who will eventually grow up to be an irresponsible moocher).
Cary fell down here because he failed to spot an extreme example of codependency. On the issue of addiction, he has a huge blind spot, though of course he sees himself as an expert. Well, some of us are sicker than others. "Take my advice, I'm not using it."
The answer, as usual, lies in the letter. "One friend had an interesting take"... Yes, yes, YES, please follow this advice: it's fair, it's real, and it will save you dealing with a lot of justified rage!
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9th circle of hell
As another poster remarked, Dante's 9th circle of hell was supposed to be reserved for betrayers of benefactors, which explains the passion this letter writer has inspired.
I - along with probably most of the people here - have been making some assumptions about the situation. These are my assumptions:
1) This guy isn't on the lease. In fact, he may not be able to get an apartment on his own, based on his credit history. That's the usual reason people "hang out with someone for a few weeks" and then stay forever.
2) Girlfriend, likewise, is not on the lease.
3) There's no written agreement regarding their part of the rent.
Assuming that these assumptions are correct, my advice is that you read your lease. You sound as if you're living hand-to-mouth about the same way I lived in college. When I was living like that, I had a lease which said that no more than two people could occupy my apartment and any guest staying longer than two weeks had to be on the lease. If your lease is similar, problem solved.
Talk to your friend without his baby mamma around. Tell him that you would have been happy to allow them to stay as long as they wanted, with the baby, but that since they've tried to evict you from your own home, they are no longer welcome guests in your house. Explain that you've contacted the landlord and that they need to leave because they are not on the lease. Explain that if they don't leave peacefully, the police will be involved.
Don't necessarily contact the landlord just yet; just lie and say you have. The reason you don't want to contact the landlord is that here, at least, YOU can be kicked out for having violated your lease.
If this doesn't work, move out, cancel the lease, put their stuff on the street, and get your deposit back.
You don't mention how old all of you are. This type of fooforah went on all the time among my friends when I was college age and a little older. People did get tossed out. Sometimes stuff put on the street got rained on or impounded by the city or wantonly stolen or sold at other people's yard sales. A couple of particularly irresponsible people I know spent a couple of nights sleeping on the beach or under a stairwell. One young man who had knocked up his girlfriend ended up going into the military as a last-ditch measure to support his family, and becoming something resembling a sensible human being. A woman who got knocked up ended up in jail, the child (children by that time) raised by her parents. Eventually, most of these crazy, irresponsible, criminally selfish people grew up and started imitating normal people. People thrown into the cold waters of life will sometimes swim, and sometimes sink. NOT YOUR PROBLEM. It's not even kind to try to protect these people from the consequences of their own actions. Swat them upside the head with the Reality Stick now or risk seeing them on Springer 20 years from now.