Letters to the Editor
-
A good liberal would kill him/herself
Given it's the least he/she would expect anyone else to do. Please leave the apartment and unless you're some kind of right wing barbarian, you should throw them a party and buy them a nice present too. Remember, liberalism starts at home. Your home, now get out.
-
What makes it "your apartment"?
Your letter doesn't say anything about the terms of your lease, but your first paragraph refers to your male friend as a roommate and implies that he pays part of the rent (which you couldn't afford alone). So it seems misleading to call the apartment "yours" (singular) rather than "yours" (plural).
You make it sound like the girlfriend is a long-time guest of BOTH you and your roommate, living there with consent of both of you. You two guys invited her to live in your (plural) apartment. I don't see why you (singular) claim the moral right to kick her out without his consent, any more than you would give him the moral right to kick out YOUR girlfriend if the situation were reversed.
It sounds like all three of you were living in a sort of commune fantasy, where this baby would have a mom and two dads. Which would be lovely, if all three parents were into it. Maybe your friends WERE into it, but are now sliding back into a more conventional Nuclear Family fantasy. This is what hurts - you were being Dad No. 2 (driving mom to the dr, etc), and now you've been demoted to Surplus Male and Intrusive Housemate.
Maybe they didn't secretly set you up for this ("Honey, let's exploit his domestic fantasies and then kick him out and keep the apartment!"). Maybe this is more like a failure of idealism ("Honey, I thought it would be cool to have a non-traditional family with more helping hands, but as the reality draws near it's freaking me out!")
So sure, talk to a lawyer. Protect yourself financially re: lease, security deposit, utilities, etc. But also consider how you drifted into this situation . . . what needs for intimacy, family, shared responsibility, etc. motivated you to invite a pregnant woman into your home?
Don't just demonize your friends as home-stealing sociopaths. Keep talking to them. Admit (at least to yourself) that your domestic arrangement was meeting your emotional needs. You're not just a sucker, doormat, pushover - you did this for a reason. You wanted this, and so did they. Now they don't, and they're allowed to change their mind. Just as you might legitimately say, "You guys, this seemed like a good idea but I'm really not ready for family life with a newborn. I know you were counting on me, and I'm sorry to leave you in the lurch, but I've decided to get my own place." That wouldn't make you a home-wrecking sociopath - just a person who changed his mind.
-
Get thee to a lawyer
Flyover52 is about the only person who's posted useful advice, LW. Depending on the laws of your state, you may have voided your lease (and lost the protections you have as a renter) with your landlord by allowing them to live there if they're not on the lease. And by letting the friend and then the preggo girlfriend live there you may have put yourself into a possible landlord/tenant situation with them. You really really really need to talk to a good lawyer who's specialty is this type of law. Borrow money from family or friends if you have to in order to pay for it, but you're most likely going to need the legal representation to get you out of this situation. Of course, the usual I Am Not A Lawyer disclaimer applies to everything I'm saying here.
As for Cary's advice...well, he's verbose as always but he did suggest that the LW at least talk to a lawyer, and he also advised LW to take a look at why he/she has allowed these people to behave this way towards the LW. Taking steps (most likely through counseling) to change that about LW's personality will go a long way towards never winding up in a situation like this again.
-
Consult a lawyer, this instant.
Consult a lawyer today or preferably yesterday, one experienced in housing matters. Period. All the business about whether these people are your friends, or whether you're getting screwed, or what other people did in similar situations -- well, that stuff may be interesting, or may be good to discuss with your therapist, but it's simply not relevant right now.
So get on the phone with your state or city bar association and get a referral, now, to someone who is familiar with the applicable laws in your state and who can deal with the specific facts of your situation. Do not listen to any other advice, especially second-hand legal advice that an advice columnist says he got from a friend of his who's a lawyer. Even assuming Cary's friend really is a crackerjack lawyer, he may not even be familiar with the law in your jurisdiction.
-
Battles of will are always such fun.
It's probably for the best that it's so difficult to evict people--we don't want our landlords changing the locks while we're at work because the rent's an hour late and their nephews are itching to move in--but it makes for some serious hassles when people want to abuse the situation.
If the LW's tolerance for surly housemates and newborn infants is high, he could ride it out until they've had enough. The couple deserves no better (legally, assuming he's on the lease, or otherwise) and the baby won't notice. I'd do it, personally, because I love my apartment and moving's such a hassle, but then I'm a stubborn prick. Someone as sweet-natured as the LW will probably prefer to cut his losses--which will inevitably include these two friends, who are probably cutting their entire old lives loose to become parents anyway.
-
Cary!
I find great wisdom in much of what you write. But sometimes you're a complete twat. This pregnant couple are totally shitty people. And if someone doesn't stand up to them along the way, they'll just get shittier and shittier. And guess what kind of children they shit out? So. The first question is, who's name is on the lease? If at all possible legally (fuck the appearance of tossing out a pregnant woman; there are completely sociopathic women with babes in womb) he should try to get them out of the apartment, not because he likes the apartment, but because this type of selfish, blind person needs to be hit in the head with reality as much as possible. If, for whatever reasons, he can't force them out, he should quickly flee. But not before booby-trapping the apartment as subtlely and disgustingly as possible. Fresh fish stuffed into heat ducts. Bags of onions near AC inflows. Punishment is the only thing that sinks in with this kind of amoral citizen. Am I appalled at my suggestions? Yes. But since there are no longer the community controls that once held people to basic standards of behavior, respect, humanity, then other methods must be considered. These aren't violent methods, just stinging. And the child? Well, maybe as it looks up into its mother's eyes and smells some awful stink, it'll get a small warning that this woman is not to be fully trusted.