Yes, move out. Believe me, I know. But also write them a letter. A reasonable letter -- not an angry letter. This will allow you to leave knowing that you have said something in your defence -- that you were not powerless in this situation but made a choice and can be wise and kind in the face of outrageous unfairness. Something like this:

-- You are my friends.

-- This is my apartment, with my name on the lease.

-- I was happy to help you in a time of need, and you seemed grateful.

-- Now, you are obviously scared about your future and instead of asking for further help, have asked me to leave my apartment.

-- I think that, with time, you will understand that you have taken advantage of my kindness.

-- And I think that, with time, you will understand that while having a baby does entitle you to some special treatment, you have gone overboard in this instance.

-- As you may expect, I would prefer not to associate with you for a while, as I would like some space to put this behind me.

-- I'll miss you. Hopefully, we can meet again and apologise and laugh about this someday.

I've skimmed through the 50 pages of posts here, but haven't seen anything from the LW. Did I miss it?

Since the critical factor is what names are on the lease, until we know that nothing else matters.

Others have covered it very well. Heed their advice. I want to repeat a very important point: These people could destroy your credit score. You can't just blithely walk away from this, as tempting as that may be at times. This country is in a massive credit crunch, within the next two years many people will be literally homeless, and most of these will be families with children. We may even slip into a recession, and it will affect everyone, you included. Get a grip and be sure to protect your interests. Don't worry so much about what your immediate circle of friends thinks. Their names are not on your bills.

As for the moral aspect, I still stand by what I said: Give her mother a call. She needs to know.

Assuming, of course, that it really is your place, and that your name is the only one on the lease. It seems to me that other writers have covered the legal aspects of your situation very nicely and very thoroughly. You surely don't want to end up financially liable, and on the street. So, let's consider the moral dimension.

The reason I would not think twice about kicking her out is that she is an unmarried woman who will be giving birth to a new human being any day now. She needs to go home to HER real family, her mother and father, or her brothers and sisters, or whoever it is who was there for her all of her life -- for all the other times when she was hungry, or tired, or sick as a dog, or deeply traumatized -- before she met this "boyfriend." Right now, she isn't at home. She hasn't made a home. She's just pretending. That won't work with a baby.

Please don't call me old fashioned. I do not care what grown people do of their own free will, until they involve new human beings into the mix. It will be a long, long time before a newborn baby will be able to ponder these issues, make up its own mind, and fend for itself. Give this woman the nudge she needs to get her life in order before bringing a baby into it. Do her a favor, and be the one to tell her what I just told you. And if that doesn't work, give her Mom a call. Everyone will scream for a while, hate you, and all of that. In a couple of years (if not much sooner) you will be the one who looks like a sage and a saint.

Re: Thursday, September 13, 2007 08:39 AM

Perhaps it's the combination of home and betrayal, that's so compelling.

Perhaps LW seems like the best of what we all hope we are, or what would like to be as human beings. He invited two people to share his home (in exchange for rent) one being pregnant. In general, was open, caring honest and decent.

When the couple announces that HE should leave, with one month's notice, they betrayed the whole idea of, "what comes around, goes around." I suspect that a lot of people have been hurt, if not in this particular way, than in other ways that they find inexplicable.

Since home is where most of us go to lick our wounds and heal, the combination of a kick in the gut and an eviction, may just be too much for most people to bear.

The person whose name is on the lease -- to whom the landlord rented the apartment in the first place -- stays. The others go!

Cary hit it out of the park by picking this letter, as it seems to be particularly cathartic for everyone who has responded.

It is frustrating that a key piece of info is left out - the lease - and we'll probably never know how the situation pans out, it clearly struck a chord with many people.

While few of us have been in the letter writers exact situation, I guess many of us identify with his position - even, I suspect, those who lambast him for being a spineless fool (one often is hardest on behavior which is similar to your own).

We identify bad roommates, or being the odd person out in a group despite being in the right, or being taken advantage of when you are trying to do the right thing.

At this point I'd like to see an essay speculating about why this letter is so resonant. Is it purely personal, or does it have a political aspect? Is it because it's about an apartment rather than one of the less clear relationship problems? I'd like Salon to do an article, because I'd enjoy reading it even if it wasn't well written.