Letters to the Editor
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backup, shadow
Shadow,
Relax.
-not the poster you were attacking, just a regular poster.
PS. Unlike you, I do not have a penchant for "asian women", from another of your rants.
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Maybe, But....
Reading this letter brings back memories. Two decades ago I was a junior in high school and the cousin I saw in homeroom each day decided to get married. It was an undesirable match in my family's eyes; my cousin was marrying someone with no prospects and basically using the ceremony to get away from her dysfunctional parents.
With the exception of a lone aunt, most of my relatives saw the move as a farce and refused to go. I bought a nice gift with money saved from my part-time job and sat in the third row of the almost-deserted church. To this day I haven't forgotten the way my cousin looked back at the emptiness while the priest was reading the vows, noticed me smiling at her, and returned the gesture before turning back to exchange rings with her fiancee. The marriage was annulled a year later, but I was there when my cousin needed me and that's what counted in the end.
LW, please swallow your anger and use this occasion as an golden opportunity to talk things over with your daughter. Go to the ceremony not as a self-righteous, judgmental aunt, but as a concerned family member crossing her fingers and holding tightly onto the silver thread of hope for the future. You can bet that the bride and groom will be doing the same thing.
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Anon 5:35
Quite courageous of you, attacking me while posting anonymously.
Odd that in the previous 'rant' we were overwhelmed with women talking about how great asian men are.
But I point out that I prefer asian women & you choose to attack me for it.
Never ceases to amaze me the hypocracy of the left.
BTW--my last 'asian' gf is a senior systems analyst for a large international company and makes 6-figures. We're still close freinds. She came to the US as a 'boat person' in 1975 and could not even speak the language. She's still one of my personal heros.
How are you doing, you filthy racist??
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Look on the bright side...at least they're not related!
Yee Haw!
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Romeo and Juliet? Survivor?
What your heart says is what it says. I listened too much to what other people wanted and I am now 43 with no children. I was alternately too careful and not careful enough.
I think let these souls decide and support them in love and truth. We don't really know what will happen for anyone, so how can we decide for them?
-Mary
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wrong focus here...
I've been reading Salon for a few years and I finally got so annoyed with Cary and other letter writers that I set up an account just to post my own thoughts. Perhaps Cary's recent string of unhinged and hard-to-follow advice posts was simply designed to get new members to sign up, out of outrage and and desire for rebuttal?
NO the LW does NOT have to go to the wedding. And I think it's pretty appalling that her husband and daughter plan to go with or without her. Where is that coming from? Does her husband think this marriage of children is OK? Does he want to allow his daughter to be involved?
Whether or not the LW decides to go to the wedding, is of much less importance than whether or not she allows her daughter to go. 16 IS too young to be a bridesmaid, and in this case, it is particularly important to not allow her to participate.
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Bridesmaid age? An issue?
Okay, maybe it's just me, but in ALL branches of our family the bridemaids are frequently close family, in addition to close friends and the family have been has young as 14.
All the women (my siblings, cousins and children are ALL females) who married were a wide variety of ages, but frequently picked a close neice, the groom's young sister, etc. to be part of the wedding party.
I've never heard that this is some kind of taboo, but if it is, people who diapprove can get over it and themselves.
BTW, the weddings where this has occured have been Catholic, Episcopalian, Jewish, Lutheran and even one presided over by a very eccentric judge.
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A-courtin'-we-will-go -- but not all home schoolers!
While this "courtship movement" is abhorrent to many of us, it is a sub-cultural phenomenon that will likely be diluted over time, much as cultural communities such as the Irish, the German, the Scandinavian have become watered down.
Those of us who hate this practice need to be alert for inroads into the greater culture and into statute, but must take care not to make these people feel persecuted, or they will entrench further and become more fundamentalist and militant (and yes, they can get worse). Tolerate these rituals just as you would a quinceanera, for example.
A note for those who would paint all home schoolers with this brush. Many, many home schoolers do not affiliate themselves with religion and do not impose lifestyle choices on their children. (And also note that the "courtship movement" is not restricted to home schoolers; it is deeply involved with the abstinence groups in public schools.)
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it's her life
I say go to the wedding just because they're family. However, who the hell gets married at 16? It's not 1907 you crazy hayseeds!
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Obsessing over virginity is gross
A co-worker of mine has created a similar situation with her daughter, a 17-year-old head-over-heels in love with her 18-year-old boyfriend who is allowed NO ALONE TIME with him. Both families are Methodist-- not exactly fundamentalist-- but clearly their religious beliefs play a part in this strangeness. The situation is especially strange because, despite the constant chaperoning, my co-worker does things like take pictures of the young couple making out, and says things like, "those two sure have some hormones." Disgusting! I was having sex with multiple partners when I was fifteen-- which is not the greatest thing either-- but hearing my mother make comments like that might have been enough to stop me from so much as looking at boys.
I often talk to this co-worker's daughter, and every story she tells about her boyfriend involves her parents or his. She even told me that they broke up for a week several months back because the boyfriend's mother thought she was trying to lure her poor 18-year-old son into sexual activity. Because of this need to control their kids' virginity, the kids are talking marriage. Both are extremely smart individuals with bright futures ahead of them, and it makes me sick to know that because of their parents' conservatism, they have to commit to each other for a lifetime just to fuck.
That is way more disgusting than any sexual act.