Letters to the Editor
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The Ad
Yes, the ad IS funny, but certainly not in bad taste!
I mean, it does say "covering BOTH food groups." Presumably the bacon is for the christians and atheists, the egg for jews and muslims....
Hahahahaha!!!
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"amazed", you are entitled to dislike jews, you are even entitled to make up things about them
but you can't make up things about ME and expect to get away with it. i am very happily married for 25 years to my (converted) jewish wife and the father of three jews and two christian step children (all doing fine, thank you very much). to me, you are a symptom, not a person.
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That's funny sugarman
I see you exactly the same way - a symptom of jewishness.
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cool, "amazed", we can agree on something
just stick to your side of the bible - from the gospels onward.
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perhaps someone has already said this
but i'd encourage the letter writer to look into a small branch called secular humanist judaism. in my secular humanistic congregation, many of the families are "intermarried" and everyone is very much free to believe or not believe in god (most of us don't) while still appreciating their community and shared culture.
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atheists wear yarmulkes too
I really hope for the best for you. I am in an opposite situation to you on the religion thing. The biggest issue that my husband and I have had is that he is Jewish and I am not, and he wants me to convert to Judaism. This is made more complex by the fact that he, like everyone in his family, is an atheist. I do believe in God and am Catholic, but I will (probably) convert to make him happy. I am only willing to convert in an extremely liberal movement, where men and women are not separated, etc. We live in Israel still for the next two months, so I am waiting until we are back in the US.
Every man in my husband's family (remember they are all atheists) wears a kippah every time we get together for shabbat dinner. They also wear it at weddings, or any other time they end up in a synagogue. I imagine that it is a symbol to them of belonging to the community. It is not a symbol to them of belief in God.
In terms of whether what you expect of him is fair or not, it doesn't really matter. You are married, and things will never be fifty fifty. You want this from him, that he wear a kippah in religious services. The strange part to me is that he also feels uncomfortable not wearing one at synagogue. It seems to me that you decide, make the statement by not wearing one and accept the reaction of others, or fit in and wear one. Also, the commitment to raise a Jewish household must be upheld by both parties. It should not be upon you to find the perfect synagogue. It should also be on him.
Good luck to you. I think Cary's advice to you is spot on. Spend some time on yourself. Hopefully your husband will try to make further sacrifices for you re. religion. Keep in mind from one who has been there (and is still there), converting or professing a faith that you do not believe is very difficult. It feels extremely dishonest, and you also want to express your own deepest beliefs. So try to be patient with him as well. If he even wants to take these high holidays off, don't worry too much about it.
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Caring for the Self
Your husband is being too righteous about his non-religious beliefs. If he really felt strongly about maintaining his non-God integrity then I suspect he would refuse to even enter a sacred space. The fact is, he attends the synagogue to be with family, but like a small boy grudgingly forced to spend time with his parents, he stomps his feet when it comes to the yarmulke issue. It is a passive agressive display of resistance and an issue over which he defiantly expresses control.
But the reality for you is, as Cary says, the fact you can't make him wear the cap. He may be a bastard and inconsiderate for being so stubbornly insensitive when a simple gesture would appease may people's feelings, but this is who he is. You have talked to him about it and now you have to make a choice, because this is what you can control. I would just leave him at home because religion should be shared with religious people. I also think it is very stressful for you to be running around trying to find a synagogue that caters for the faithless social atheist visitor. Drop the cap, in a manner of speaking, as it is not good for your health or well-being.
IVF is stressful. I have been through the treatment four times. As I type this message, my son who was the result of a frozen embryo transfer is in my bedroom watching television. My little boy is 3yo and he is autistic. Interestingly, he is named Cohen which is Hebrew for priest. Accordingly, my infertility prayers were answered with the precious gift of a child, but this was accompanied with the mammoth burden of loving and caring for a child who will most likely never live independently. Cohen does not talk and there is a 50% he will not develop language, he also appears to have at least a moderate degree of intellectual impairment. My son understands very few words communicated to him and does not enjoy socialising, he has obsessive traits and major problems with selective eating..... There are other issues I could list, but that is a story about my life.
Good luck and take care of yourself. You have been through a great ordeal in your quest to have a baby and this stress can have a great impact on the couple relationship. Men and women cope in their own ways with infertility, and whether you will ultimately be the proud parents of a much wished for offspring is often a matter of faith and blind hope. It is this lack of control and a sense of injustice regarding why you can't naturally conceive and give birth in a world overpopulated with other women's babies, that tends to dominate one's thoughts and emotions.
Sure, there are medical issues and explanations for many reproductive issues, but science can not explain why one women gets pregnant on her first attempt whilst another with seemingly healthy embryos and no known health concerns fails to implant an embryo or successfully carry the developing life to full term. Much of what does and doesn't occur in this life really is a mystery. I am reminded of the poignant simplistic words of the Serenity Prayer,
God Grant Me The Serenity
To Accept The Things I Cannot Change
Courage To Change The Things I Can
And The Wisdom To Know The Difference