Letters to the Editor
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@ violetclementine
Funny you should mention foodstuffs. I know it's been mentioned on this thread before, but would you be as quick to condemn the letter writer herself (or some other random Jewish person) as a self-righteous jerk, should she show up at your grandmother's house, be served pork for dinner, and refuse to eat it? The situation is entirely analogous.
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When people marry, there is so much dissembling
And when they have children, does it only get worse? I've been astounded by all the letters that say "you have a strong marriage, you love each other," and so on. I did run across one that dared to breach the subject of divorce.
There is absolutely no way that an outsider could know what the feelings are between the LW and her husband, how profound they may be, or how shallow. There is no more complex relationship in the world than a marriage. So my own impressions could be vastly wrong, phenomenally wrong. I'm not saying this to soften what is coming next. I'm saying it because it is true.
My impression is that living in this marriage is like dragging yourself every morning to the worst job in the world. You do it only because unemployment seems even worse. You do it because you're afraid you'll never find another job. You do it because you're afraid you'll end up on the street.
My God. Quit that job.
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Please Read the letter "From the Husband" on p. 17
Dear Readers:
Before more people write in expressing their views on this situation, please read the letter "From the Husband" on p. 17 of the responses (if you're going from the oldest to the newest letters). That respondent claims to be the husband of the LW and, from his comments, its seems that he is. His response adds a lot of context to the discussion.
I find extremely distasteful the number of respondents who are calling for these people to divorce. I am also slightly repulsed by the level of tribalism that has come through in some of the letters published here, but the less said about that, the better.
From the husband's letter, it is evident that he and his wife love each other very much and do have a strong marriage. I wish them all the best and hope that they can work out their problems.
Sincerely,
Shaun Narine
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Fellow Heathen!
Be quiet! No protesting allowed!
Wear the beanie!
To Struggling:
I've been to Jewish services. Your husband is a saint. If there is a heaven he is going just for attending. This man loves you. Stop demanding so much of him. Find a temple that will accept your husband right now. Or support him by not attending yourself. Why isn't your marriage number one? Stop making an issue of this or you will lose your meal ticket.
I am so sorry about your pain about conceiving. Give it a rest. Life is like that sometimes. Grow up.
To my fellow non-believer:
The great thing about not believing in God is that we have no club and no expectations of you. The next time you have to attend any type of regious service,do what I do. Think of it like a secret society meeting, or perhaps a service for the sun god. Because, if you don't believe, you can't be angry. It's just a club that you have no feeling about what so ever. The sun god doesn't anger me. I don't care. I don't have to protest.
If you attend services, do it with a full heart, as a gesture of love for your wife. Everyone who needs to know, knows you are an athiest. Be classy and wear the uniform if you choose to attend the service.
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I'm struggling on too many fronts -- religion, fertility, parenting philosophy, even employment.
Given the scale & depth of your existential problems, I believe they are a manifestation of deep incompatibility on many levels between you and your husband.
There's a Latin maxim which I love: Ad amicus ad aras -- Friends until the altar, meaning friends until we are divided by principle ... religious, philosophical -- your values are no way compatible -- so it is these which are symptomatic and manifest physically by inability to conceive. -- the megillah if you will, a many headed hydra effects of the same cause -- basic incompatibility
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What wonderful answers!
I have read the responses to both the initial article, then the Husband's posting, with some interest.
The thing I find interesting is the vast majority of jews (whether self-proclaimed atheists or not) as usual show their intolerance and, indeed, hatred for anyone outside their faith/culture who interacts with them, unless the "goy" acts in a completely obsequious way. What the vast majority of respondents say is: "Either wear a yarmulka as we tell you to (regardless of whether or not it's based on halachic law or indeed the words of YHWH in the bible) or we spit in your eye!" Alternatively, LW should be ashamed of defiling her race by marrying outside of it, as david sugarman purports (who was perfectly happy to prance around in bed with a non-believer without even being married to her...what a GREAT example of moral rectitude based on faith).
These kinds of opinions and actions only serve to demonstrate that no matter how high jews are in their own self-esteem, they are no better than any of the people they rail against. It seems that historically from AD 70 to 1948, it is only their status as minorities subject to other cultures that has prevented them from acting as shamelessly against other cultures as other cultures have acted against them.
Before that, in biblical times god would either do the dirty work for the jews himself by killing their enemies, or he (pardon me, "it," since it is a being of light and somewhat at a distance from his people) would sanction the extermination of other tribes that got in the way of the jews.
An example being when Moses' army defeats the Midianites and all the adult men are slain. That not being enough, they follow Mosess (and presumably god's) instructions, and kill the women and children, except for the virgins. In this way they got 32,000 virgins -- Wow! (Numbers 31:1-54) Interesting, david sugarman... it's OK for jewish men to take infidel virgins for sex and procreation, but woe betide the jewish woman who takes an infidel man!!!
Since 1948, in modern-day Israel, bigotry and racism of the worst kind is commonly displayed (try living there and you'll know what I mean). The state of Israel also had no problems collaborating with the heinously racist white dictatorship of South Africa on arms manufacture for the purpose of keeping black Africans and Palestinians in bantustans and refugee camps.
I completely agree with the Husband that there is no reason to wear a yarmulka in "shul" because, quite frankly, there isn't much to respect in there except for the family he is close to and who seem to be good people.
Oh, and by the way: I've lived in Israel, and I've been to synagogues lots of times. Yes, I did put a yarmulka on when I went, out of misplaced respect. Having observed what jews do to others as a nation and how happily the diaspora supports it, I have just come to realize that they're just as bad as everyone else who acts in the name of their religion.