Letters to the Editor
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you need to talk to your husband about his lack of respect
I am not of the Jewish faith. When I enter a Jewish temple, I wear a headcovering and respect the traditions of that temple. If the religion has traditions that I simply cannot abide by (such as the practice in some Mosques of sitting women in the back, as they are considered lesser beings), I do not attend the service.
Your husband has a right to refuse to go to the synagouge, and instead be included in your family's other holiday activites. He does NOT have a right to refuse to respect the traditions of the synagouge when he is there, however. This is common manners. You should respect his right to refuse to attend, and he should respect that if he DOES attend, he should wear a hat.
Have you had a real talk about the infertility thing with him? How important are children to him? Are they very important? How important is your Jewish culture to you? Is it very important? The two of you need to honestly work this stuff out. How important is it to him/you that the children would be fathered by him? I'd think that might be a really big deal to him, to be raising kids who weren't biologically his, to revere a God he doesn't believe in. Maybe the yarmulke thing is a kind of (lame) protest about his non-involvement in these things.