Letters to the Editor
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Yep, it's all about the "other woman."
It has been my experience too that guys don't leave a situation like this unless they are kicked out or something else is beckoning them...
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babies need lots of attention
I can't really think of scenario in which it would be OK to just leave. When you decide to have a baby and then bolt when the times get rough, just shows you are weak and selfish. ( I can think of a few other things you would be, but really, isn't it a mute pt?) Usually, I'd be open to discussion but this is a big mistake because it has to do with a fragile new life, one that will be molded by adult decisions.
I hated reading it, and feel bad for everyone involved. You can chop it up and analyze or post endelssly... the guy is just not thinking. At least stay and do your share until things are under control. Five months in is chaos. It's the bloody trenches!
The only thing LW can do is be there for the baby and especially for the Mom. God this is awful. I am sorry and wish you well.
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walk in the shoes
It's so obvious in these posts who has kids and who has no idea what it would be like to have kids, let alone be left with a 5 month old.
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Not an Asshole
he is a SUPER Asshole. An asshole leaves instead of trying to work things out. He is worse than that.
The whole situation is very sad and maddening. The sheer narcissism involved in how this decision was made. The excuse making on both of the parents' parts is pathetic.
Whatever happened to men who stick around for the sake of their offspring? MegaDicks like this just give all guys a bad reputation, something I am so sick and tired of myself.
All of us guys get judged and worked over by women because women deep down suspect all men can be like this.
I can tell you the vast majority of men are not so reprehensible.
And what about the woman in this? is she such a pushover that she lets him get away with skulking away like a weasel? They were together 15 goddamn years. Obviously something mattered between them.
What is almost as sad is the excuse making I hear among some of the female posters on this board on the dipshit's behalf.
If I ran the world, guys like this would receive severe punishment for doing this sort of thing.
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thanks, six, for reminding me
when i think back those twenty years or so, i only remember the good times. i remember once my middle son (we had three in three years) saved our lives. we were so zonked out that we fell asleep like the dead and only were awakened by his crying - the house was full of smoke from the burning bottles (we had left them on the stove to boil). and that was two of us! it is hard to imagine how one person can do it alone - yet they somehow do. come on guy! it's not so hard - you can do it. get back! and yes, six, you *can* tell who has had the little darlings (and my kids were really very good - though again, it might just be my rosy memory). and they turned out very self-confident. it really helps to have two people on your side, especially when you are little. you know, the LW is going to send this to her brother. i hope he heeds it (or at least *my* advice). you can heal a LOT of your own pain for bad parenting by good parenting of your own - doesn't make logical sense but that's the way it is.
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syphax
crap,you made me tear up. Keep up the good work, although you obviously do not need encouragement from me.
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What really matters to kids
The Psychologist who was very instrumental in developing the child custody thinking and resulting changes in custody and divorce laws (I can't remember her name at the moment), has been tracking her patients, their children and even their children for decades. She has found that, by every statistical measure, the children of parents who chose to stay together in "unhappy" marriages did better (lower divorce rate, lower suicide rate, less depression, etc., etc.) than children of divorced parents. Apparently, it mattered more to the children that both parents were there, even if they were unhappy with each other. So here she is, in her late seventies I think, making the rounds once again of Congress, Bar Associations, Child Advocacy and Family Law conventions, saying, 'Remember what I told you in the 60's and 70's? Well, I was wrong.'
The interview with her I heard on Public Radio. Being a child of divorced parents myself, I found it to be one of those radio shows where one stays in the car listening even after getting home. I have to say that for myself, my life was better with my parents divorced. One can never know of course, one only knows what one lives. But, I'm pretty sure I would not been nearly as happy with my parents under the same roof. However, the point remains, that we can no longer accept as a given that it's better for the children not to grow up with parents who are in an unhappy marriage.
So, it doesn't sound like these two are dealing with any violence, drug abuse, or criminal issues. It sounds like they are able to be civil to each other. After 16 years, they're just not happy and fulfilled in their relationship anymore. BUT, they had a child. THAT particular responsibility trumps their need for happiness and fulfillment. Therefore, suck it up. Get a bigger home, where each parent can have their own bedroom. Or sleep on the couch or on an air mattress. Grit your teeth for 18 years to remain civil, whatever it takes. Just be there, because that's what counts. Supper in the evening, breakfast in the morning, Saturday afternoon at the park, ballet recitals, football games, graduations, two parents side by side. After high school, if the brother wants to go off and find happiness and fulfillment, then off he goes.
Besides, I think I could argue quite well that finding greater happiness and fulfillment than being a living example to ones child that their happiness and fulfillment is the most important, the only important thing in the world, would be pretty dang hard.