Letters to the Editor
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sometimes the tangent is more important
Once again, Cary has firmly taken hold of a letter that seems fairly inocuous on the surface, then spun it on its head, springboarded off its bottom and leapt deep into the caverns of contemplation-- following which, he drilled steadily back to the surface again, connecting the two places in a most unusual way and actually making me feel awake for at least a few seconds.
Yes, most of us could do with quite a bit more meaning in our lives, Cary. I thank you for all your continued sweaty thrashings against the lack thereof. We are not alone, it just feels that way too often.
<==>
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If she's the type of girl who even wants to go to a strip club with the guys, she's never going to get married herself (then again, maybe she doesn't want to--no judgements),
No judgement? You make a snotty wrong statement like that and then try to absolve yourself by saying "no judgements"?! You're one of those gossiping coffee clatch women who talks about anyone slight different from you own shallow limited template and expresses their fear and jealously in the form of hatred and ostracizing. oh, but no judgement.
;)
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Rites of Passage
Let's all recall Cultural Anthropology 1-B:
They're called "rites of passage."
They include baptsisms, circumcisions, wedding ceremonies, funerals, bar mitzvahs -- well, you get the idea even if you never took the course. No one said they had to be fun or "logical" or even "make sense." They mark transitions in our lives from birth to death. We humans want structure and "meaning" in our short passage from birth to death. Sad to say, our attempts to create meaning are pretty lame at times.
Frankly, I've never been to a bachelor party and I've been married for 47 years. I don't feel any less a man for missing such a rite, but I might feel I had missed something if, say, we had not had a conventional wedding ceremony. Women feel at a loss when they don't have a conventional ceremony and that sense of loss should help any woman understand one of these male rites, dumb-ass as they may be.
Sisyphus
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Salon, haven't you had enough of this guy by now?
I won't even bother addressing this letter to Cary. The man is so self-absorbed and misanthropic -- as evidenced by his weekly masturbatory sessions masquerading as an advice column -- I'm sure my disdain for him will only register as warm ATTENTION on his emotional geiger counter. So instead I ask Salon.com as a whole: Isn't it time to pull the plug on this a-hole?
Why, you ask?
Just re-read this column. Is it really about the LW and her understandable but needless concerns over a harmless bachelor party and the one tomboy who's going with? (Every guy clatch has one of these female hangers-on, my dear, so not to worry. And, frankly, that's all Cary needed to say.) Or is this piece about Cary's own cynicism, wrapped up in prolix self-loathing sagas filled with tons of...name-dropping? Did Sartre really belong in this piece? Did we really need 2,500 words on the subject? Do we REALLY care what Cary thinks any more?
And to those of you who actually LIKE this sh*t, ask yourselves this: Do you really understand what he's driving at here, or were you just hypnotized by the soporific rhythms of Cary's arrogance? Because when you really grasp his point, you realize there's no there there. NO WONDER the man is in existential crisis.
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An anecdote
I dated a guy once. He told me he was planning on a "night out with the boys." Which I wasn't invited to. Later I found out that one woman had gone along. I wasn't invited because they did drugs and tried to pick up the strippers at the strip club they went to. I wasn't invited because he knew I wouldn't have gone for any of that shit.
Do you want to be with a guy that doesn't invite you along to whatever it is? But will invite other women? (And the fact that your dude wants to go to a strip club in the first place, does indeed mean he is sexist. Sorry.)
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I like bachelor parties but always try to stay away from the strippers
which can be near impossible, but I've successfully guided a couple of parties away from. Strippers are basically unecessary to have fun. Cary has some decent advice here. Yes, I see the point of strippers and the like and I've had my fun---but, too, if you ever know the background of a lot of these girls you might not be so comfortable supporting this "fantasy" industry. To me, the greatest thing about bachelor parties is they are just another excuse to hang out with some old great friends. An occasion where some people might fly in from out of town to see you.
Once, I invited my girlfriend to one of these non-stripper parties. And all her hot friends. It was fine, up until the very end of the night where I just wanted to hang out with the guys. guys from out of town who I rarely get to see. She was a little suspicious, but nothing that couldn't be rectified with a little loving once I finally got home.
Peace
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I went to one of the when I was a Crystal City pucke
And all I got for sex was some oral action in the restroom from the coke snorters at the party...guys in suits with briefcases you see on C-Span.
The chicks are way to skanky or way too stuck up...closet sex is best.
Repairing Glory Holes in congressional restrooms has been a steady problem for Republickcan lawmakers...I'm sure.
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Wow
I have been recently tuning out Cary's responses, but today, I'm glad I read on.
Yes, what Cary said about Bachelor parties and Weddings themselves as meaningless exercises in futility comes off as seriously depressing, but in a world where the wedding industry seeks to rob middle to upper class couples (and those that wish to be seen as such) of as much money as they are willing to part with, it's nice to see someone call weddings (and all sundry parties associated therein) what they have become: "something utterly vacuous and inconsequential." (Don't believe me? Check out "My Big Fat Fabulous Wedding" on VH1.)
Weddings are (for the most part) no longer about bringing community together, adding another piece of stability against the chaos of the universe. They have become the show ponies of the monied class, and a way for young women to regurgitate all the Barbie and Disney Princess teachings of their childhood for the world to ooh and ahh over. Wedding showers have gone from a way for a woman to start her first house to blatant gift grabbing. And bachelor parties are a way for guys to pretend they once lived like frat boys from "Animal House" and need to be free to do so once more before they are legshackled for life to their cubicle in the name of saving up for college tuitions, sweet sixteen parties and SUVs. No one likes to hear it, but the truth is it's all pretend.
And this ruffling of feathers is not that he's enacting this ridiculous ritual, but that there is someone involved who doesn't fit into the stereotype box for her sex? Who says she's going to be watching the boys watch the girls? I know it's hard to imagine for the LW's proper box, but maybe she'll actually watch the girls? In all this silliness, is it really so harmful that someone wants to go have a good time, and damn the way it looks?
Thanks Cary, for reminding me why I choose you over Dear Abby every time.