Letters to the Editor
-
Best night in a strip club
I spent the evening in a fascinating conversation over drinks in the corner with a couple of off-duty strippers. It was enlightening to see how they regarded the clientele.
The rest of the groomsmen hated me. Somehow talking to the girls was enviable compared to having them get naked and rub themselves all over you.
Personally, I didn't care for most of the party myself -- a bunch of DC Beltway brats the likes of which vex Glenn Greenwald so very often.
I did like that the drinks were cheap, though. That was a good night, and so for me "bachelor party" has unpleasant connotations.
-
Huh?
LW, you are writing in about a bachelor party, but your gripe is with the woman attending it? It is a man's event being held for the men. Hate the bachelor party or don't. Shrug it off, complain about it, or wallow in Cary's depressing worldview, but don't blame your issues with it on the woman.
Really, you sound like the wife whose husband cheats and she blames the other woman but not the husband. This kind of mentality holds women back in the world at least as much any male-generated sexism.
-
Oops
pleasant connotations.
Freudian slip?
-
Another suggestion for self-indulgence
Spend the evening laughing. Rent good funny movies and standup comedy DVDs, or just go on Youtube and search for a comedian people have always been telling you to try and you've never got around to. (If you need ideas, start with Eddie Izzard.) Then when your husband gets home, you're laughing hysterically, having lost track of time. This way you feel good, and you negate any unspoken impression that you're no fun.
-
All bachelor parties should be men-only
If I was invited to a bachelor party that was going to have women attending, I would seriously consider passing on it. Part of the point of a bachelor party is the all male aspect of it. This particular situation of a woman attneding a strip club bachelor party sounds like she will be sleeping with one of the attendees. The combination of alcohol, very horny men, and an unattached woman seems set up just for that purpose.
Now on to the other issue. I have never found one of Cary's answers to be further from reality. Other than the one thrown for me, every bachelor party I have been to has been a fun and enjoyable party. No one has been arrested, no one has been allowed to drive drunk, no one has been unfaithful. It is a symbolic situation, a bonding situation for men. I can't imagine why Cary would be so negative about them.
Of course, the fact that he doesn't think the woman should be excluded tells me that he doesn't understand what bachelor parties are about. Maybe that is why he is so dismissive and disrespectful of them.
-
It really has nothing to do with you
The woman is going to be there because her relationship is that of best friend, not wife or girlfriend. From your letter, there's no way to tell if she really does think she's cooler than the wives/GF's, or you just think she does, but if that's how she feels, it's how she feels, and the party has nothing to do with it. She's there because the groom wants her there. It's his party, and he should invite whomever he likes.
-
"Am I crazy to think she's going to be putting the wives and girlfriends of these guys down while she watches them watch strippers?"
The music will be too loud where they are sitting for that sort of conversation. And there will be a sports event on a big screen TV that they will watch as much as they do the stage.
Seriously.
-
Excellent Answer!! Bravo!!
Best answer ever! I mean why worry about something this meaningless, LW? Just because the guys are hyped does not mean that anything fun is going to happen. The fact that they are hyping themselves is kind of a red flag in and of itself. Why is it necessary? Or maybe they will have fun. Who knows?
I think that Cary is right in that the stripper-bachelor party is a cliche with no meaning whatsoever anymore. Did they all hang out at this place in their single days? If they did, the relevance meter goes up, but the answer is probably no. Is the groom a virgin who needs a "lesson" in female anatomy to use on his honeymoon? Probably not. Is it the last opportunity to see a naked woman, besides the wife? Apparently not, since your husband will be there. Is it a chance for "the boys" to have one last blow-out? Well, no, since one of the friends is a woman. A chance to get stinking drunk? Well, you don't need a strip club for that.
Maybe I am wrong and this party is fraught with meaning for all the participants. I still don't think you have much to worry about. The best friend might actually get bored and leave early. I don't think she is going to just gossip about "the wives," and if she is, I think she's going to be in the wrong place.
Don't think that I am saying that all parties are irrelevant. I've been to some very touching and/or riproaring and/or unforgettable wedding receptions, farewell parties, grand openings, birthday parties, end-of-chemo parties, graduation parties, New Year's parties, etc. But the significance of the bachelor/bachelorette party has always eluded me. Are they celebrations or wakes? I'm so glad that Cary made the case that they ARE meaningless now, just as I always suspected.
Also, what DID you mean by "typical" women?
-
the strip club part is lame...
I'd be more concerned that he would agree to attend such an astoundingly lame event, regardless of the company. I walked out of the last one I attended (the host lined up a stripper/??? for the groom who was marrying his (the hosts) sister...waaay disgusting) and the only one I've enjoyed was where we all got together, partied and got drunk w/o all the stripper/hooker nonsense. The all male part is OK, the strip club is not...men who have not got that kind of stuff out of their system by 18 or so are pathetic...this has nothing to do with morality or erotisism...