Letters to the Editor
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@ one of the many Anonymice
[s]ince when does looking at naked women make a woman gay?
That's not the question I asked. (For that matter, since when does looking at naked men make a man gay?)
I can see the fun in visiting a strip club featuring naked people who are sexually attractive to you. So, if this woman were even slightly gay, I would understand why she'd want to go. But if she's not gay, why is she going? I've gone to a nude male dancing show before, and I cannot imagine that my husband would go to something like that, even if his closest friend (who happens to be a straight female) invited him. What would he get out of it? Probably nothing.
So, I wonder again: what is this female friend getting out of it? And if she's not getting anything out of it but hanging out with her buddies, and they are the only ones who are getting something out of it... well, I just don't get it, and I completely understand why the LW has questions. I'm sure her husband would if he were the one staying at home.
Come to think of it, LW should just take a bunch of her friends and go to a nude show. They have lots of them in NYC (not sure where you are, LW). The men dance first with outfits on, then naked and hard. It's something every woman should do once, like visiting your local tourist trap. You might go again, if an occasion for it arises, or if you have relatives in town, but it's definitely fun once.
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This is one where I would love the LW to write in!
To clear up her letter.
Is it jealousy that she's not seen as "one of the boys" so she's not going to the bachelor party?
Is she really good friends with the groom to be? If she is, then I could see being pissed at how come this other female friend of yours can come, but why can't I? I'm a fun wife! If not, she's just the wife of one of his friends, why would she be invited? Inviting yourself along is also bad form, it just screams to everyone, she can't trust her husband, she's really insecure. So is getting all the other women together and just showing up at the strip club, it just ruins it for the guys and also screams we're so needy we can't leave you alone for one night! We can't trust you with these paid women! I always thought the women in "Bachelor Party" who tried to bust into the party dressed like hookers were the lamest people.
Or does she really want to go to the bachelor party so she can keep an eye on hubby, which is the reason wives aren't allowed!
Or does she know this woman and know that this woman uses her single status to flirt with all the guys and then say naughty boys, look but don't touch, or even lets some of them touch? Or is she honestly a sports lovin', beer swilling, poker playin', jeans wearing doesn't give a damn what boys do becuase she accepts boys are how they are kind of gal?
Or is this woman a complete unknown so you are projecting all the worst character traits onto this woman out of fear?
I am suspicious that she doesn't like the name of the show "My Boys" like how dare she assume as a woman that she's equal friends with these men as their male friends. Their wives come first dammit! This woman better not think my husband is one of "her boys"!
P.S. I also think lady, you are sorely mistaken if you think you can watch your husband get all hot and bothered by the stripper and not get pissy about it, especially if you are at all having suspicious thoughts about this single women attending the party, unless it simply is the unfairness and tradition breaking that is ticking you off. Very very few of us humans are so secure that we don't get a little angry over watching our lovers face light up and get all horny over someone else. No matter how trusting we are. Not very many people can pull off polyamory or a swinger lifestyle.
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Man!
This is the epitome of single women being stigmatized by married people. If a woman isn't married she's a threat, a loser, or some other kind of social pariah. It's snotty and sexist. According to the LW, this woman's status, and the fact that (GASP!) she is best friends with the groom (A MAN, by god!)something fishy just HAS to be going on. Give. Me. A. Break. Another thing; what is with all of this "rules" business? If the groom wants his female BFF there, so be it. Social "norms" are meant to be broken. To be honest, I see the best friend as somebody being badass enough not to give a damn about what anyone thinks of her simply because she was ballsy enough to accept the invite.
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Please forbid it
My god. If this woman knew how much most guys loathed the whole traditional "bachelor party" scene she'd actually feel sorry for the poor gal who has to tag along, instead of resenting her.
The bachelor party -- in its traditional stag party incarnation (like the one her husband is being forced to attend) -- is a contrived farce for most of the modern world. An anachronism that a handful of misogynists and misanthropes can't let go of; their one excuse from time to time to leer at nekkid ladies.
For myself and most men that I know, the "bachelor party" is now merely a night out for dinner and a few drinks with the boys without having to apply or pay for a "hall pass" from our loving wives or significant others. (For those men who insist that they always get to do whatever they want, whenever they want, their wives be damned: really?)
Frankly, were I to get invited to the kind of bachelor party this reader's husband is in for, I'd beg my wife to forbid me from going so I had a good excuse to skip it.