Letters to the Editor
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Cary,
just..thank you for this, so, so much. I want it printed out and framed on my wall.
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nude chick
this guy I know had a bachlor party. there was a nude chick. he hid a video camera but he didn't cover the little red light with tape or something so the pimp guy saw it and tried to get the tape back but we wouldn't give it to him and the chick freaked. the end.
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meaningless yet still dangerous
It would be nice if Cary's answer told the whole story. The whole story is that this cliched crap sometimes really does end with people in jail - usually for vehicular homicide.
Don't worry that the macho girl will be making fun of you. Of course she will. But at the same time, all the guys will be looking down on her, so it all evens out. As long as you're absolutely sure your husband won't get drunk and fuck her, there's nothing to worry about in the long term. Who cares if her presence is appropriate? The whole party is by definition inappropriate.
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holy balls!
Now we're cooking with gas! This is the Cary Tennis I know and love! Atta boy, Cary!
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Don't Worry About It
...don't. You sound like a person with self-confidence, and that is to be applauded. It's one night, and, "boys will be boys", just like "girls will be girls". It's nothing to worry about, so don't. You will see all sorts of long explanations here, but Cary's was sufficient.
You know your husband is sprung, and that's all that matters.
That's all.
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Typical "wifey" paranoia...
Sounds like the LW has real issues with non-"girly," single women. I've gotta give her credit--she's covered all the cliches here (such women are always after my may-n; they look down on other "normal" women; guys think they are more glamourous than mere wives; why is she there at all?) Why else would she think that this woman is going to spend the entire time looking at her husband? (And she'd rather this woman be up their stripping instead of watching!? I wouldn't exactly call that a "pro-woman" reaction.) She may say she thinks her husband is to be trusted, but she sure isn't acting like it. Lady, take Cary's advice, get a grip, and get help working out your inferiority complex.
Relatedly, women like this are one of a single woman's worst enemies. No matter how innocent you are, they will always think you are up to something--and that you're totally to blame if anything happens.
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Seriously.....? The answer to the question is no.
Bachelor parties should not have to be men-only. If your threatened by this other woman attending, go yourself. I have seen women at such events and they either are somehow liberated by the event and are good at neutralizing the situation from being debasing, or they hide on the margins and just witness it in their own way. You and this woman should be free to do either or none of the above.
You also said it yourself, you have no reason to worry about your own husband in this scenario. So don't. Worry more about them getting home with a sober driver. I've been to these things, its like 4 year olds on a sugar high, only its booze and too much cologne.
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jeeze Cary, pop some prozac
Wow, a more depressing 'the world is meaningless' answer you couldn't have hoped for. The Bacehlor Party is meaningless, the Wedding is meaningless, your Whole Sad Life is meaningless... get a grip!
Bachelor parties, like weddings, graduations, and funerals are a way of marking an event in your (sad pathetic meaningless) life. As such, I'd say they aren't really meaningless at all. Sometimes they can mean a lot, especially to the mates of the groom. Sometimes they can mean a lot of nothing, if the only reason the groom is having one is because he feels he 'has' to. What's the case here? Who knows.
The LW spends a lot of time worrying about how this 'other woman' will talk about the 'wives' behind their backs. I'd hate to tell her this, but when guys get together for a bachelor party, they don't much talk about their wives. Its a time for them to relive some of the fun stuff they've gotten up to in the past (mostly non-sexual, and involving lots of beer) and basically have a 'big night'. I'm with you that it seems a bit strange that she wants to go, but I wouldn't worry about her talking about you or judging you the way you seem to be judging her. She probably isn't there for the strippers, but then lets be honest, the guys probably aren't there for the stripper either. They're there to mark a turning point in their friend's life... probably with as much booze as possible.
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yes, you're crazy
lw, you seem a little anti-woman yourself. "i know she'll be enjoying the exclusivity..." come on! so the chick's going to the bachelor party. big whoop! is it her fault she was invited? if she asked to go, is it her fault her best friend said yes? does she have some duty to womanhood not to go?
i'd be very surprised and miffed if my best friend didn't invite me to his bachelor party. once at his bachelor party, i wouldn't bore myself and everyone else by talking to the my friend and his friends about their girlfriends and wives. the girlfriends and wives are present enough when we're all hanging out. all to say, i have the sense that bachelor parties are not for girlfriend/wife talk.
what should really concern you is the possibility that the woman won't mention you wives/"typical women" at all. seriously, let's hope she brings you up.
what do you mean, by the way, by "typical women"?
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Brilliant
Cary I loved your take on the meaningless of some social interactions. In my own biased way, I think that many of us introverts already know this and some of us have figured out ways to have more meaningful interactions.
My suggestion to the letter writer is to treat herself to an evening of solitary sensuality. Get yourself some amazingly good porn (magazine, video, whatever floats your boat). Go to the fish market and buy a pound of jumbo shrimp, or oysters, or whaterever you love that feels too indulgent to eat on a regular basis. Saute the shrimp in tons of garlic and butter, serve it over pasta with a fresh loaf of crisp bread. Don't do the dishes. Get on the couch, watch (or read) your porn, have your wild fantasies and pleasure yourself silly. And then treat yourself to the sinful dessert that's thawing on the counter.