Letters to the Editor
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re: Afro Goddess
I think you're missing the point a lot of posters are trying to make.
YOU would not be acceptable to the LW because you have used drugs back in the day.
I don't use drugs (I rarely even drink). I don't think drugs are cool; I tend to agree with the LW that drug use is stupid. However, I'm not going to limit my friends to only those who have never used drugs. It's clear the girlfriend isn't a giant stoner; she tried cocaine once, at a party. She isn't even a recreational drug user, much less a demon from the Reefer Madness era out to ruin homes and families. She's someone who tried cocaine once, at a party.
The letter writer seems to me to be a long way away from normal. He's not normal even for someone who's opposed to using drugs. Why must she feel remorse? Why is he losing sleep?
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Oh, did I mention...
Afro Goddess rocks. Not just for this reason, but this is a pearl of wisdom worth repetition:
"Today its what old people use to go retro."
At least someone is not asleep at the wheel. This, LW, you need to hear.
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she tried it once dude!
drugs aren't bad, people are.
pit bulls aren't bad people are.
money isn't bad people are.
republicans aren't bad, democrats aren't bad, people are.
DUH.
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geezz, give the guy a break
Remind me never to write to CT for anything lest I bleed to death from the stoning.
While this Nancy Reagan style abstinence from drugs is not so appealing, his general point is that he understands that he is harsh and he is having a hard time knowing what the line is. Have the stone throwers not have had a reaction where you know you are a bit out of bounds but having such a strong reaction, you can't think straight? Bashing this rather earnest guy for what sounds like a compulsive need for control does no one any good.
BTW, what I find bit ironic is that many people who are so judgmental about people like LW are also judgmental about people who use psychotropic drugs. Each to his or her own.
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It's not the drugs, it's your attitude.
This is like watching a train wreck. I imagine it on a nice site, a proper place where people discuss homemade mac and cheese or something. It's just all so critical. I don't like cocaine, I have my reasons. It's an awful thing to get involved in. That said, what is wrong with this man? She is telling you an experience she had and you are judging her. That's really great man, really good for the relationship. Make sure you don't open your closets, ever, beware! Or is yours perfectly clean and color coded? She doesn't sound like the local crack ho.
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LW:
This is your problem, you're ruling out a large number of possible friends and acquaintances with these dismissive words:
"...when I hear someone has done drugs, even if it was in college, that I view them in a completely different light -- I now think of them as stupid, selfish or insecure. I feel like I have less judgment for people who smoked marijuana, but I still feel like I look down on them."
I bet you are lots of fun to talk to. Anything else I can't say or do around you?
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i've seen this before
i know someone else who had such an irrational fear of experimentation, that he didn't speak to his girlfriend (who later became his wife) for 3 weeks. later on in their marriage, he cheated on her and left her for a younger woman, after she supported him and their two children financially for many years. he wasn't lazy. she was just, it turns out, the superior bread-winner, and they wanted one parent home with the kids.
Anyway, my point is, you already know it's an irrational emotional response. If you don't get a grip on it, someday you might find yourself in a situation where others are judging you as harshly as you are judging her.
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You might as well...
You might as well throw away half the art in your home; be it paintings, music, movies, wardrobe, whatever.
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To most respondents: Tell you what...
Let's not ever judge *anyone* for *anything* they do. Ever. Christ, you'd think it was some monumental effort of will to go through life without doing some blow. So it's illegal! So what? That's the Man's hang-up. Alcohol's a drug, too, you know! And rape? What's the big deal? Sex...rape: it's all penis-vagina, right? It warms the cockles to know there are so many enlightened people in the world. There's no such thing as right and wrong, and anybody who thinks different is an asshole. Period. I'm SO glad we cleared that up.
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@rtf100 (8/26, 7:40pm)
"What about all the dead bodies between here and Colombia piling up in places like Tijuana, all the bribes and corruption along the way that are invisible to the users? Don't think for a second that illegal drug use is a victimless crime."
As someone with such an advanced and highly attuned moral sense as that possessed by your august self must surely be aware, the Coca Cola company has been accused of supporting the repression of the labor movement in Latin America to the point of murder. And let's not even begin to think of the costs that our society's oil consumption imposes on the world, of which the hundreds of thousands of dead and millions of displaced Iraqis, and the encroachment of the rising seas on low-lying and island nations, are just the most recent and obvious manifestations.
It's not just the illegal economy that creates "victims." In short, unless you're living as far off the grid as Helen and Scott Nearing, I don't think you have a lot to say to anyone else about their "conscience" or "the bigger picture." There's always going to be an even larger perspective from which you are just another "small-thinker" yourself.
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The power of occasional drug use
In all cultures, as far back as records show, human beings have felt the need on occassion to let their hair down and get crazy drunk/stoned/whatever. In some ancient cultures it wasn't just condoned, it was promoted, (in contemporary cultures too of course) and there is evidence of many pagan rites and festivals that involve a whole community, for one night, getting off their faces and acting out of character.
The reasoning being, I think, that the next day when they get back in character they feel so much more light and free.
Plato (I think - one of those smart Ancient Greek guys anyway) talked about the Apollonian aspect in our personalities - rational, achieving, hard working and sober - and the Dionysian aspect - free, wild, creative, sexual. They need to be in balance, both in a person, in a relationship, and in a community, for that entity to be healthy and its potential to be reached.
Sadly our culture, surprise surprise, has polarised these forces and made a false enemy out of one of them. Losing control? Having an out of body experience? Acting irresponsibly (for one night) - bad bad bad bad. But why?
It's a terrible shame that both legally and in people's crazy little minds, occasional drug use is conflated with addiction. It's also a terrible shame that there aren't more legal and safe ways to express this need to go crazy every onbcec in a while.
I can say for myself that the benefits of occasional drug use have been profound and helpful, which is why I am convinced of the ongoing need for Dionysian acts of release every now and again. The drawbacks have been nil. And yes I am high achieving responsible blah blah blah.
I would suggest that the letter writer try it before being so judgemental - of all people it sounds like he needs to do something fast.