Letters to the Editor
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$1 says
This guy becomes a raging meth addict later in life.
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Dude
Dude. Chill. Pill. Take.
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But why?
I agree with Cary in all his essential suggestions, but I don't think he actually made a vital one: Have you examined WHY you feel this strongly about drug use, LW?
Your opinion on the morality of drug use is perfectly valid IF it's a well-examined one. But you yourself describe it as a "crippling" emotional reaction.
And I'd even say your concern about how your girlfriend reacts to peer pressure is a potentially valid one. Do you know her well enough to make a judgement call on whether she regularly crumples to outside pressure, or whether it was probably a one-time indiscretion?
Lastly, I'd suggest you take a good hard look at all the people in your life you like, love, and respect, or just find interesting, and ask yourself, realistically, whether every aspect of their lives would likely stand up to scrutiny this rigid and reactionary.
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what planet are you living on?
that you think that no one you know (publicly) has tried cocaine? is it some sort of scarlet letter those who've tried it wear that no one else but you can see? i know the first thing i say to people i've never met before is, "here's the list of drugs i've tried so you can judge if you should be my friend or not".
do your pseudo girlfriend a favor and disappear from her life. break up with her - tell her "i'm just not into you", whatever it takes. then go find a nice mormon/scientoligist/radical right wing christian judgmental fundamentalist.
just a thought - is there any sort of sex that you find reprehensible as well? when she brings a dildo/vibrator home are you going to freak out as well?
oh, one more thing - please don't reproduce.
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sympathize with the letter writer
Dear Cary,
I have a fair amount of sympathy with the letter writer. There really is little excuse for using recreational drugs, and it's rather tiresome to see so many of the other respondents go out of their way to insult the LW simply because he finds drug use abhorrent. If the LW is to try to see the other perspective, maybe these people dumping on him should consider that they may be "wrong" too. Indeed, it seems rather bizarre that so many people are upset because the LW is intolerant of drug users. It sounds like a lot of people are self-justifying, rather than trying to understand the LW's perspective.
I do think that the LW has a legitimate concern: his girlfriend giving in to "peer pressure" at her age is an issue and does say something about her character. Admittedly, people can give in to peer pressure at any age, but how easily one does it is a comment on how strongly and clearly a person understands and holds his/her own values. The LW may want to take this into consideration when he is trying to understand the kind of person he has become involved with.
Sincerely,
Shaun Narine
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Re: Anonymous
You declare with such certainty and condescension that doing a little coke at a party on a casual basis hurts no one, certainly not the user. So who cares? What the f___. What about all the dead bodies between here and Colombia piling up in places like Tijuana, all the bribes and corruption along the way that are invisible to the users? Don't think for a second that illegal drug use is a victimless crime.
Maybe the writer has a conscience and sees the bigger picture whilst small-thinkers like you, who hide behind "anon", don't.
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Who wrote the headline?
The headline is really belittling. Not only that, but the comparison of drug use to singing is belittling, too.
I'm disappointed that Cary would frame this in such a way that a sincere person is made to appear a fool.
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I know people just like this LW
And the key here is that they are usually afraid to lose control of their bodies, to lose control in any way. They are a little afraid of drugs and what effect they might have on them, so not only do they avoid drugs, they look down on people who take the drugs, who are "weak" and can't resist the temptation of drugs and/or peer pressure.
I don't know if this person can change his personality so drastically. I hope this girl dumps him, because he's obviously not the right match for her.
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another irritating Cary Tennis answer...
really, Salon needs to hire Carolyn Hax from the Washington Post. She's consistently sensible and far more qualified than Tennis to do this kind of thing.
Readers who are tired of Cary's childish 'answers' can check her column out Sunday, Wednesday and Friday at
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/style/columns/tellmeaboutit/
I'm done reading this annoying and trite crap...
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Give up now
Give up the need for control and you will be a zillion times happier. I'm not saying you should do drugs, nor am I saying that you should change your views on drugs. I'm just saying that life isn't yours to control. It is, amazingly enough, possible to love someone with "flaws."
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@Shaun Narine
Thank you for a thoughtful and lucid letter. I, too, noted the hostility and judgmentalism of several respondents. Ironic, no?
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Cindy...
LW is both sincere and a fool. Cary was nicer than he this clown deserved. Ok, he doesn't do drugs, but why so sanctimonious? He drinks, and booze kills more people and makes people do dumber shit than coke anyway. WTF LW?
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Shaune Nerine: "There really is little excuse for using recreational drugs"
One wonders why humans have been accessing secondary psychological states for literally thousands of years with anything they could find - alcohol made from the local crop (beer, wine, vodka, sake, etc.), peyote, mushrooms, hashish, caffeine, cigarettes, etc.
What causes this seemingly universal pull towards drug use?
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What would a normal person do?
Why are you even asking this question? Who cares what a "normal" person would do? Is this "normal" person dating your girlfriend?
You need to be honest about your own boundaries and morals, no matter how hot/charming/good in bed she is, or you'll only regret it later.
But the other comments here seem to have it wrong--the question is not "Is occasional drug use wrong?" but "What is up with this girl?" It sounds like the real problem is not this one line of coke but the fear that it could be the tip of the iceberg. So talk to her, in a kind, non-freaked out, non-judgmental way. Did she tell you this because she knows your rigid rules about drug use and she wanted to clear the air on this single, unusual experience? Or was she warming up to tell you about other things she knows will shock or upset you? Once you know the answer, you'll know what to do.