Letters to the Editor
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Excellent points
Cary has an excellent response to the LW in his statement to separate his emotional response from his views regarding the issue. I don't get the impression that the LW has done this at all.
In my twenties I suffered horrible jealousy. It took me a long time to disengage my emotional response (fear of abandonment) from the reality (that said partner was not acting in any way inappropriate). Only once I became secure with myself in my late twenties did the kneejerk jealously leave.
I think the writer is having a kneejerk reaction and confusing his thoughts with his feelings. The statement: "I feel like I have less judgment for people who smoked marijuana, but I still feel like I look down on them", among other things, leads me to this conclusion. Judgement is not an emotion- its a thought. If you look down on your girlfriend, you'll only overcome that thought pattern by changing it. How do you do that? Talk to yourself in terms of thoughts- not in terms of feelings. What is it that is bad about doing cocaine in your mind? What could happen? Walk down the logical path of the worst thing about it, and confront that. Accept that you have no control over your girlfriend or any portion of that process, and I think you'll achieve some sense of peace.
I think passing judgement is often more a byproduct of insecurity than anything.