Letters to the Editor
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Judgement is exhausting
Everyone suffers. In Buddhism, for example, there is the aknowledgement that life is suffering. "Complexities of misfortune", indeed! There is no escape. Dear LW, I am happy to hear that life is going well for you, but flexibility and tolerance don't seem to be a part of your current repertoire.
I read something Pema Chodron wrote about Tonglen which cultivates compassion in part by sitting with the pain of another, breathing it in and holding it as your own. I haven't been able to do this very well, but it might be a tool for you to let some of this in. Is that what you are afraid of? That if you let some of the weakness into your consciousness, your fortune will change?
I bet you are so hard on yourself. I have some experience with the burden of perfectionism and it will only drain you. Just stay with this and see where it leads you, there is more to this. I look fwd to future posts because this question is a good one.