1. yes, LW, you're right, you would be robbing her of her sexual authenticity.

2. you laugh uncontrollably after orgasm and are writing this letter? people in glass houses sholdn't call the kettle stoned, or something like that. (the cutesy term "laughgasm" alone was enough to turn me off.)

Why do so many posters only SKIM the letter?

The LW said the PERFUME of a previous girlfriend was putrid, not her scent.

And hating a woman's perfume does not, in fact, make one a woman-hater.

makes little squeaky noises.

then I change hands.

Dolphins like that.

sounds a little toooo familiar.....and the writing style ..just like my ex-boyfriend

quite accurate. I have yet to see advice offered by this tennis fellow that retains any benefit for a man.

If she starts to nudge lost boats to safety with her nose when you take her to the beach, get her an agent immediately. The world needs a remake of Flipper.

Yet again, a man writes Cary for advice in a situation where a woman has a competing interest.

Yet again, Cary ignores the man's interest and favors the woman's. (Yeah, guy, you should totally pretend to like something you hate in order to keep this woman by your side. It will be excellent practice for a lifetime of servitude. That is Cary's model of a healthy relationship, after all -- a man in servitude to a woman.)

If I thought this letter was real, I'd probably just shrug it off. At this point, any man who writes Cary for advice in a situation where a woman has a competing interest probably deserves what he gets. He even deserves all the whining women who write letters attacking him for daring to dislike something a woman does, and all the guys writing letters because they aren't getting laid and hate him for having choices.

But since this letter is prety obviously a fake, I'll just light the touchpaper and retire. Let the female supremacists and the wannabe white knights yammer on. Better they should exercise themselves over an issue that doesn't exist.

...is she doing it on porpoise?

I'm no expert and can't really give an answer. but please do not tell her you hate the sounds she makes.

sounds made during orgasm and sexual pleasure are rarely voluntary. to ask her to control what she sounds like is like asking her to control what face she makes when she sneezes. I'm willing to bet that if you say that to her, she's going to find it extremely hard to get turned on or reach orgasm around you becuase she'll be spending so much time concentrating on what she sounds like (that is if she even forgives you enough for bringing it up to sleep with you again).

honestly, the sexiest thing about giving someone an orgasm is the uncontrollable sounds they make, whether it's quiet whimpering or breathless urging on or crazy grunts n squeals (but to be honest i haven't been with anyone whose sounds i disliked so i'm not the biggest authority on the subject).

A dolphin's clicking can easily be understood as "tsk-ing".

Your girlfriend might be trying to tell you something, in her kind-hearted mammalian way.

swat her ass [playfully, of course] with a tuna

halibut will do in a pinch

Dolphin echolocation clicks increase in frequency when approaching an object of interest, hence an increase in clicking could be a useful indicator of impending orgasm.

... I suspect he would get along nicely with her considering his fetish for such things. No doubt she is better than Selma either way.

I laughed so hard at your comment I think I just made dolphin sounds.

Does she do that after you yell "Spread out!!"

?

The first suggestion that jumps up proposes that you get rid of the Dolphin and use a real girl.

I love it when you talk echolocation.

Have you ever thought of duct tape?

re: noisy neighbors--

years ago i shared a wall with a very attractive couple who were extremely exhuberant--and prolific--in bed. i mean, it could go on at any time of day. i was in a new relationship myself, and when my bf and i heard them, we'd make noises back. then we'd practically die laughing. at times, it was almost like having a foursome.

we were friendly with them when we encountered them outside the building, but never talked about our noises. just knowing smiles.

one particular night i remember i screamed for what felt like a full minute, with all the windows open. i'm amazed nobody called the cops. my bf just totally loved that. it was a huge turn on for him.

i think we should be glad for people when they are having so much pleasure in this all-too-short life, and not try to repress them. life beats us down in so many other ways--to have such freedom of self-expression in bed is quite liberating. be inspired by it, rather than trying to squelch it.

or move your bed to a different room.

otherwise, what's the point.

we live next door to a spectacularly loud couple, in every aspect. Drama drama drama. From screaming yelling china crashing fights at 7 in the morning (where he screams "you're trying to destroy me!") to the obnoxiously loud sex. There's the instructive talking, her nonstop dog-yipping/crying noise, and what we can only describe as the bear sounds. And the cheesy techno music. They are both wanna-be creative people, and so we believe they are working hard to express themselves -- instead of just expressing themselves how they actually express themselves. Then again, my husband's new theory is that they are mistaking the first person who doesn't laugh at them or try to make them stop the intensely performative ridiculousness for sexual compatibility. And maybe that acceptance is all compatibility is... I only wish it lived two doors down, instead of the other side of the wall.

My new girlfriend makes the strangest sounds when she orgasms. She sounds just like Curly of the Three Stooges. I would not mind too much, but she tends to poke me in the eyes at the same time. I rarely have time to get my hand up to block her. Any suggestions?