Letters to the Editor
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Laugh At Him
And teach him to laugh at himself. You either laugh or you cry. About many things, not just hair.
If this guy cannot see how funny this is, he is not worth you devoting yourself. Go out and find a balder guy who laughs at his shiny head. That will teach him.
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Rent the movie...
... of The King and I for you to watch together, then swoon over how sexy Yul Brynner is. Then drag him off to bed and perform ike a wild thing. Within a week he will have shaved his head (and goodness knows what else) for good and this issue will never arise again.
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male pattern BOLDNESS
Cary is absolutely right -- youth is an illusion. We're all lucky to be alive, and balness is a very minor indignity in the grand scheme.
Everything will go. The really good thing about baldness is that it doesn't affect anything important. If your boyfriend were losing his eyesight, or his ability to get a hard-on, then you'd have real issues to attend to. Baldness is merely a fashion problem. He used to wear his hear this way; now he'll have to wear his hair that way.
Here are some reasonable solutions to balding:
-- Shave your head. It works for some, depending on head shape. Get a pair of clippers and try it! It's fun to mess with your hair.
-- Try a nice short style of haircut.
-- Get some cool hats. He'll be getting more sunburns on top, so he might as well explore the world o' hats. Baseball caps are the lamest option. Skull caps are kinda cool.
-- I don't recommend trying to de-emphasize the head by growing a goattee. Many men do this, and it's rather lame in my opinion. But there are quite a few options for rearranging the follicle emphasis in the cranial region. Maybe you could go with your boyfriend to a professional salon and see what they have to say?
-- There are expensive scalp medications that supposedly slow down hair loss. Do some research on this before you dive in. Some of the medications have unfortunate side effects. Many of them are also expensive. My view is, if nature's going to take your hair, it's going to get what it wants eventually.
-- Work out a lot more. Okay, so the hair isn't as sexy. Get some muscles! Get a flat sotomach and a few abs! It feels good! Who'll notice your hair?
-- Remove all double mirrors from your house: For example, if you own a medicine cabinet, never open it, thus avoiding a triangularized back-of-head view. Never go to a store with a three-way-mirror, and always make sure you're directly facing anybody who has a camera. When you get a haircut and they give you a hand mirror so they can swivel you around for a back view, put your foot down and say "NO" to swiveling! Pretend your hair is thick, go deep into denial, and never look back...literally! (Yes, I am joking)
-- Look carefully at both grandpas' hair (or meditate on what they were like when they were alive). Look carefully at the rest of his appearance, and his demeanor and personality. Which are the most important qualities? I'm guessing his hair wasn't why you loved him.
-- Avoid tattoos and other junk to de-emphasize the hair. People who fall into these traps are stupid. Save your money. Which do you respect more, people who go overboard trying to stave off their loss of youth, or people who gracefully accept change and learn to live with it?
-- See the "Samson & Delilah" story for the B.S. misogynist metaphor it always has been. The connection between hair and virility is a cruel and irrational form of symbolism that has no relation to reality. Many bald men in history kicked serious ass and attracted serious love-action. Yul Brenner could walk into a room and pick out any woman he wanted for a night of lovemaking. Bruce Willis could do the same and probably is doing so right this second. You go, Bruce!
-- Laugh at yourself! Look at pictures of your head and laugh at the joke life is playing! Ha ha, you're not all that! Narcissism is for pussies anyway. Life is bigger than you are and will kick your ass. That's a lesson only a real man can learn.
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He'll have company soon enough
My husband was like your boyfriend. He started losing his hair when he was 23. Not only has his father not gone bald, neither have his two brothers. And his father's now 85.
When I met him, I have to admit I didn't like the balding thing. The men in my family keep theirs. Nonetheless, I liked him and other things about his looks and decided, well, baldness just isn't that damn important.
Now, it's more than 20 years later. Not only is baldness still not that important, a lot of my guy's peers have caught up with him in cue-ball land. Most guys start balding and hubby now looks younger instead of older than his age mates.
Despite what Cary says, I don't think balding is that much about the loss of youth because guys go bald at such different ages. Yeah, hubby's older brother has more hair, but he also smokes. Which one do you think's going live longer and stronger?
Also, male pattern baldness is linked to testosterone. Baldies are, as it turns, out the virile ones.
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Look at the referent, not the signifier
My husband lost his beautiful hair around 30 and we must have spent ... oh ... half an hour total mourning the loss of it. He aged young compared to his friends, but I've noticed in the ensuing years that he hasn't gotten any older since then, while they're all falling out of youth into middle age with much more of a splatter.
Hair loss is a symbol, that's all. Your boyfriend is transferring his feelings about mortality and how his life is going on to his head, and he must transfer it back again to his life. He can change his life. He can't change his hair.
I also agree with the suggestion of him working on his body. Now THAT is something men can do a WHOLE lot about, and too few of them do. If he starts now, weight lifting (just within reason), running and generally being a fit and vital guy, he will maintain his youthful virility and sexual atractiveness forever. More importantly, he will FEEL young and fit and virile and that's much more important than how he looks.
Hair loss is associated with higher than normal levels of testorone and when it comes to sex that's a good thing, right?
Finally, Cary says: As a young and presumably attractive woman, you have enormous power and freedom. I disagree with this statement 100%. A young woman's supposed sexual power is remarkably useless to her unless she has the self esteem and options to use it wisely to find a loving partner. If she just fritters it away on men who want only her youth and beauty it's amazing just what a poisoned chalice it can be. I feel much more powerful and free now at 38, with job, family, health and love, than I ever did as a footloose and fancy free - albeit more pneumatic 25 year old.