Letters to the Editor
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Get used to life with humans
Look, these people are jerks. Along with about 75% of the human race.
Ignore them. Forget about it.
I disagree with most posters in that I think you should have recovered from this experience by now. Logically analyze the situation and your recovery can be instantaneous. It does not take time; it takes perspective. You need to see yourself in the bigger picture of humans v humans since time immemorial.
We are just gang-living animals, a weird-looking bald species with loud mouths, overgrown gonads, mean emotional habits and some really nasty behavior patterns. Look at all mob violence, lynchings, gang rapes, Holocausts, ethnic cleansings, mass murders, mob stonings, stigmatizations, caste-brandings and so on that go on with humans.
How many times in just the past year or so have entire populations of cities in India been riled by some minor incident against "Muslims" or "untouchables" or some other victimized group , rioted, rampaged, cornered and ripped to shreds innocent members of the hated group, burned homes and mosques and generally acted just like your typical human on a tear?
Look at the way blacks were treated for centuries in the South.
Look at the way Indians are treated throughout Latin America.
Look at the way women are treated almost everywhere -- honor killings, judicially ordered rapes, sexual slavery condoned by the police (ie of Filapinas in Japan on a mass scale) etc etc etc.
What makes you think that somehow you, only, are to be exempted from the trash behavior doled out by the nasty, brutish creeps we call human beings?
These people who were mean to you are just your typical little jerks, of whom society is made.
Take this on board. These people are just people, typical people doing typical stupid, mean, nasty, envious, low-down, obnoxious people stuff.
Then, just forget about everything.
I've been through this and worse. Fuck 'em.
There are LOTS and LOTS of idiots in this world. You simply have to learn to ignore everything said by at least 90% of the population, they are so stupid and mean and wrong.
Most people are so stupid and insecure, so desperate to "belong" that they will ape the abusive behavior of the worst in the crowd. They participate in abusing targets both to "belong" and also an attempt to prevent the "mean girls" and the "bullies" from turning on THEM. They target one group for abuse and then enjoy hurting them; it makes them feel in control and superior. This is the psychological wellspring of racism and sexism. But it runs through other kinds of abuse of "geeks," "country girls," "untouchables," the "low caste," "commoners," etc etc etc.
Just get a realistic view of the human race and count yourself lucky that your experience so far has been so positive. You haven't been lynched, you haven't been driven from your home, you haven't lost hundreds of thousands of dollars, you haven't had a career ruined, you haven't been imprisoned or tortured and all your assets seized, you haven't seen your family members blown up with carbombs, you haven't been sold or raped, you haven't been married against your will or even called a slut or a whore -- girl, you haven't even LIVED yet.
You have been called a geeky country girl.
Boooo hoooo!!!!
But you still have several more decades in which to enjoy more of life. You have plenty of time to learn more about the human race.
As far as this little episode, get over it already.
Jan VanDenBerg
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The betrayers knew your secret fears and went straight for them
The reason that you are so concerned that their statements might have a basis in truth is that these were people that knew you, and whom you trusted. Your freshman roommate was someone that you lived with for a year, and presumably had at least a few serious talks with. These pathetic immature people were simply repeating concerns that you already had, and that they had picked up on from knowing you. It is quite possible, since you trusted these people, that through various comments and innuendos they planted the seeds of your insecurities.
That doesn't mean that it is true! Even if you feel that some of their comments were accurate, you have already addressed those issues that can be changed. And frankly, the personal characteristics that are important to a back-stabbing petty college clique are the sort that are meaningless to the sort of mature, open-minded, sophisticated person that you would probably like to associate with.
So, you're a naive country girl? Your point being? You've managed to get yourself off to college, graduate early and are now working your way through school getting a graduate degree. I'm much more impressed by that than by some cookie-cutter blonde whose daddy took her on vacations to Europe when she was a teenager.
There is such good advice here already on how to meet decent people. I would like to add that I would suggest trying to make single friends. By that, I mean avoid the sort of people who travel in herds; which tend to be those people who are too frightened of life and too lacking in their own self-confidence to be alone, and that's when that nasty pack mentality that you have experienced comes out.
Best of luck to you, Baker Street. You will probably never forget the appalling betrayal. But, sooner than you think, you will look back on it from the vantage point of your new, fabulous life and wonder why you ever cared about the opinions of such small-minded insular people.
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It's not my business
I learned in "the rooms" an excellent platitude: "It's not my business what other people think of me" and it has served me well.
LW, I would let their opinions go. Whatever they wrote about you isn't any of your business, it's their opinion/bullshit and you don't own it. It belongs only to them. That goes for what you think about other people too, it's not their business--unless they ask you for your opinion. Try not to give away your power by letting other people's opinions about you affect you.
You would be surprised at how freeing this mindset is. Whenever I slip into wondering what other people think about me, I try to catch myself and let it go. I have absolutely zero control over other people's thoughts and emotions. I cannot change how people think of me. I can only change myself.
Considering the event happened to you over a year ago, I think it would help you to not give it so much weight. Instead of feeling ashamed (something I think we all feel WAY too much) or worthless, try to tell yourself that it's not your business. You can't control how or what these people thought about you. So let it go.
Good luck. I know this is hard when you're 21. I'm 45 and I'm telling you now, it only gets better ;)