Letters to the Editor
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Twelve Years Ago
I lived with a couple. They were both very good friends of mine who were there for me through many things. I was there when they beame engaged, and was in their wedding. When the woman became pregnant, she told me before she told her husband. I was there when they brought their baby home, and even helped out when her husband didn't. Fast forward to about three years ago; by then they had two more children and the woman I thought was an old friend told another friend of mine that she no longer considered me in her life because...get this...I was never there for her! I'll never forget that, but I remember laughing when I heard about it. Fortunately the person on the receiving end of this backed me up 100% by telling her she was nuts. If it hadn't been for that amazing support, I would have been crushed. I am very lucky to have a great network of friends and as time goes by you will have built your own family of great friends. You're only 21; you have plenty of time and about a million more chances. You are so smart to take care of your well being right now so it can only get better from here. :D
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something to try
You had a traumatic experience. They tend to have lasting effects.
You can treat yourself with a simple protocol described at: http://www.mercola.com/forms/eftcourse2.htm
Tapping points are at: http://www.mercola.com/forms/eftcourse3.htm
Weird, but it works. More about EFT at the site below.
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Hitting home
LW, I just want to give you a hug. I know - I've been there. Don't make yourself crazy about how long it's taking for you to feel better, it'll happen when it happens. For me it took a 1.5 years after something sort of similar, and my life is pretty great now.
Other people are hard enough on us as it is, you have to take particular care to treat yourself gently. You'll find your way.
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This one hit home
LW, I just want to give you a hug. I know - I've been there. Don't make yourself crazy about how long it's taking for you to feel better, it'll happen when it happens. For me it took a 1.5 years after something sort of similar, and my life is pretty great now.
Other people are hard enough on us as it is. You have to take particular care to treat yourself gently. You'll find your way.
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You never jumped back on the horse...
I think that the reason you, LW, couldn't get beyond the deep sick, icky pain of betrayal is 1. because you believe what they said was true, and 2. now you feel like an untouchable.
Sometimes people look and judge and stamp you with their versions of who you are. And even if some of it is true, some of it isn't.
But instead of deciding who you wanted to be, you took their version of you and ran with it. Maybe you felt that doing so was being honest and strong with yourself. Maybe you've always felt like a bit of an outsider and university was supposed to make up for that. You figure that if a "cool" group of folks found you wanting that, then its your job to accept it.But the thing is if you decide to adhere to someone else's reality of you, don't expect to fare well in their estimation."
Not to be a bitch when I say this, but LW, its easier to cater to others' low opinions. But I have a feeling that you're getting sick of sitting in all that emotional muck.
Here's your out: Decide who you want to be, then work towards being that. If you feel that you're unattractive, then find an image consultant and ask them what you can do to look your best. If you can't afford one, call one up anyway, see if you can get a discount, then save up for a couple of sessions. If you don't have a good job that will even allow you to save, then start looking for another one. Its not easy, but start looking and moving.
Look outside of your box. We always think that a job and a life has to be a certain thing, but it doesn't. Maybe you can find a job through your school? Maybe you can become a store clerk somewhere interesting? Find a job that forces you to push your hair back and deal with people on a regular basis. It will get old after a while, but one year is all you need to step out of your shell.
You have to live the life you want. If you do, a year from now you'll be proud, not self-pitying. No, you'll never forget how badly those people treated you, but then what they've said won't be the beginning and ending of who you are. If you live in their world (Facebook and picking your ex-boyfriend's brain over this), then how can you live a better one of your making?
Living well is the best revenge.
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beyond trust
It's not about the network, or Facebook or even betrayal by one's closest friends. The unspoken question is, "How did they fool me so easily? How can I trust anyone or even allow myself to have friends when I've proven myself unable to detect their true intentions?" Fortunately, that's a skill that can be learned. Hopefully the LW's therapist can put her onto some resources.
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Isn't it crazy....
Isn't it crazy how most people can remember every unkind thing ever said or done to them but it's so hard to recall the nice things? LW, still feeling the pain of this betrayal a mere twelve months later is normal. Most people twice or three times your age can recall every word of some high school taunt. My 70-year-old father just recently retold (for the millionth time) of some humiliating experience with a teacher somwhere around 1949. I have been complimented on my looks countless times, but it's the few times somebody in junior high said something mean that resonate in my head, word for word, to this day. I guess we are all that way. That's just being a sensitive person. Don't see that as a negative!
Like others have assured you, those peoples' voices will fade with time, you just have to try not to think about it too often, reject what you can and work on what you can't. Look, yes, there is always a grain of truth in even the meanest taunts, even if the "truth" is only that somehow you were naive enough to trust these vipers and they punished you for it.
If I had a dime for every time some of my beautiful friends told me that they thought they were ugly...I hope you learn to see yourself as beautiful, as most people are in their own ways.