Letters to the Editor
-
What was Said on Facebook is not the Truth, Even if it was True
Your "friends" may have stated some things that were consistent with your personality or behaviors.
But make no mistake - the way they went about saying these things was not "the truth". It showed a lack of integrity and essential weakness in their characters.
I think in human interactions like in other aspects of life the medium is part of the message. The way something is said holds part of the meaning of what is said. In that respect, you cannot separate what was said from the way it was said.
And since your friends said what they did in a way that lacked any integrity, you simply cannot accept what they said as any kind of fundamental truth about your own personality or being.
Also - your letter shows that you have a really mature grasp of reality now. Yeah, life is hard. But, as US3 said, you've got mad knowledge of self... ;)
And I agree that San Francisco may be a good destination. Or Berkeley.
-
They'll turn on each other, too.
LW, give it another year, and those tasmanian devils will have torn each other to shreds. It may not feel like it now, but you're blessed to be rid of them.
-
Slambook
Over thirty years ago, when I was in 6th grade, a girl took a spiral notebook and wrote all our names in it, one classmate to a page. The book was circulated through the school for weeks, and everyone anonymously wrote their "true opinion" of each kid on his or her page.
I got the book on a Friday, and was allowed to take it home for the weekend. I spent hours reading it, obsessing over my page in particular. There were some "She's nice" and "She's sweet," and there were some slams, mercifully forgotten now. "Plain Jane" may have been in there. Other kids had terrible slams on their pages, especially the boy who had hit puberty early and was hairy and pimply all over, and the fat girl. I wrote on all the pages. Only a few slams, but they were in there.
By Sunday night I was a mess and could not sleep. I went downstairs and confessed the whole thing to my parents, who were reading by the fire. They asked me what I wanted to do, and I decided to rip up the book and burn it. The next day I told the Slambook creator that I lost it and gave her a new spiral notebook. She was annoyed, but she never troubled to make a new one.
I tell the story not to make myself out to be a saint; I was a gossip and a middle-tier popular girl with a mean streak. But given enough time even I could figure out that the Slambook was wrong. I regret the Internet, even as I appreciate it, because it removes the element of time from human interaction. We don't write letters and keep them overnight before we send them, and we can't rip up our Facebook comments after conscience strikes.
To the LW: perhaps you can follow some of the advice from Cary and others here, whatever of it that makes sense to you, and then perform a small ritual. Write down all you recall from the comments, and have a little bonfire.
Best wishes,
-
Pack mentality
So there is a person and he feels less than adequate for whatever reason. He joins a group of people, a posse, and the only thing they have in common is that they are cruel and generally ignorant. This posse treats others as they have been treated by people in positions of power, say their parents, peers, etc. They see media and notice how the other kids treat each other and they watch and learn. They hide behind this group, that always includes a primary bully and they do mean-spirited things so they can feel better about themselves. At times it goes too far and they do unspeakable things.
They grow up and sometimes they come to terms with this abbhorent behavior. They will be damaged more than you know. I have seen them, I know these people. Sometimes they even apologize( but don't count on it ). Most times though, they grow into complete losers. Just a waste of space here on Earth. Breathing the air, using fossil fuel, consuming and stomping around unhappy and still ignorant. If they procreate, most likely they mess up their kids too.
They exist. They were in my elementary school, junior high/middle, high school, college and a few sprinkled into post grad. They are a test to remind you that you are actually strong. You can stand alone if you have to and be cool with that. You are better than the sum of their words. You have lived through the pack mentality like a lion against the hyenas and you are fine. Now lose the online community or join one that allows you a new identity. Reinvent you but don't change you. Their behavior just made you better, it just hasn't sunk in yet.
In short, they will remain unevolved humans. A waste of time and energy. You can move on and live well, especiallly knowing that you have true friends and you will appreciate them. You will grow to love your sensitivity, which is a good thing after all. Someday, you'll be standing on at a bus stop or entering a nice restaurant and BOOM, right there, one coward will stand. He will pretend not to know you though or maybe there with be a look of shock, because his gang isn't there. You'll be looking, and more importantly, feeling fantastic, and you will smile. It will be one of the best smiles you've ever had, starting slowly at the corners of your mouth and spreading across your beautiful face until every part of you glows.
-
Feeling stragglers driving the thought ship, mayhaps
LW,
I thought Cary's advice made sense. I'd just like to add the following possibility; you might still be thinking about this betrayal because you haven't allowed yourself to feel the full painful impact this had on you in the first place. I think it's normal to go as quickly as possible into coping, skipping over the unpleasant experience of feeling the feelings. It's my guess that although the painful feelings may run deep, they're probably not limitless. If you let yourself be brave and go back in and see if you've left anything unfelt about this, and then just sit there and feel it without cooking up any more thoughts about it, you might be able to burn off the triggers for all these remaining thoughts about the event that are following you around.
This is something I'm learning about at the moment, and I thought it might be applicable for you. If it sounds wrong to you, then forget I said anything.
Sorry that happened to you, and it doesn't matter that it happened through a venue as silly as Facebook. It was still absolutely a flesh wound, as it were. You're not remotely foolish to be still grappling with this. Makes sense to me.
I wish you lots of happiness.