Letters to the Editor
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yeh, where IS cary?
if he's going to be on vaca or something, shouldn't salon throw up a little 'out of office' blurb or something? The first few times i tried going to SYA, i got a 404 error -- !
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maybe Cary took his own advice and got off the Net for awhile
He might be in Australia, finding himself. Maybe meditating in Tibet? If so, I totally support his soulseeking pilgrammage. Come to think of it, maybe I and a few others here need to do the same- Cheers to you my good man-
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Cary did say..
..in the preface to the post "I've got a stupid racist ditty playing in my head" that he was going to be in a workshop for a week beginning the 30th, and then maybe a few days etc, so that schedule seems just about right on here.
I trust he'll return!
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My first Salon letter
Dear Baker Street,
I've been reading Salon and Dear Cary for years, and this is the first time I've been inspired to write a letter about anything on Salon.
I read your story and I feel for you. Like other posters, in my life, I've encountered people who I thought were cool and then turned out to be total backstabbing, superficial malicious assholes and bitches. Most people have experienced this, though few of us have the boldness and courage that you have to write about it.
Here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. This crap happens to the best of us. Don't knock yourself down because of what others have done to you or said about you. Karma has its way of biting these assholes back in the ass, but don't wait around for judgment day for these people. When it's payback time, you would have already moved on.
2. Continue to be kind to yourself and to others. Don't internalize the negative energy they have tried to rub off on you.
3. I know it's hard to meet new people after an experience like this. Here's my litmus test-when I meet someone new, I pay attention to how they talk about others when those people aren't around to get an idea of how they'd speak of me when I'm not there. So if a new acquaintance often talks crap about someone else, I'd stay away.
4. Give yourself time to heal. One year, two years...however long it takes. Just honor your emotional clock and don't force yourself to "get over" something when you're not ready yet. But take up a sport, like martial arts, so you can rid yourself of the tension building up inside you. And maybe you can keep a journal too.
Continue with your therapy and hang in there!
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you gotta wonder
what makes people act this way,
to tear someone apart
as if it's some kind of joke or experiment,
a test of how much (more) they can take.
I'll never understand it.
other than that,
to them, I
ain't got a thing to say.
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When You Lie Down With Dogs ...
... you'll rise with fleas.
Something like this happened to me recently. The thing was, I kinda knew these so-called friends weren't to be trusted, but I let down my guard and actively befriended them anyway, for various reasons of my own personal agenda. So, while I was horrified by the vicious words that got back to me, twisted, unfair accounts of things I'd said or done, I really wasn't all that surprised. In my heart of hearts I knew I was betraying myself by engaging them in the first place.
I don't know if you had any of these inklings before these friends of yours revealed themselves as the people they really are. I know I did though, and it taught me a lesson - to trust my instincts next time, and not let unproven people get close to me for the wrong reasons.
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Guess it's all been said
Hearing from so many people who have been hurt by others is a reminder that we're all pretty much in the same boat. Nothing weird or unusual about it, or about us for having been hurt.
Time heals most wounds. Do I remember being bullied in high school? Of course. Does it matter to me now? No. Do I even understand why it happened? No, but I don't think about it, either. It's ancient history.
I like the idea about getting Facebook to remove the comments, and suggest you follow through. If it works, fine. If it doesn't, just accept that these people's folly will remain on the web, and in fact might haunt them when it comes time to get good jobs. Meanwhile, you move on.