Letters to the Editor
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Wishing you all the best
Dear Baker Street,
Take it from a woman twice your age, this too shall pass. This is an opportunity to learn an important lesson very early on---you have a right to be here, you have the inherent right to enjoy yourself, and sometimes you have to do it in spite of the road blocks.. You have to let this bounce off you, or filter through you like a bad breeze--I actually feel sorry for your so-called friends---though I'm sure its hard for you to do so right now---but truly, be glad you are not them. You are a country girl? God Bless! I've had my fill of jaded, entitled city slickers. These kids sound like Class-A Jerks. Trust me, you have plenty of good things ahead. Move toward what makes you feel good and filter out the rest. Good luck! Maples
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Trash behavior is easy, and juvenile
I have never been so proud of my 9 year old son, as at his last birthday party. He received a gift of a board game (quite expensive) that we already have. He did exactly what I could have hoped for--he said thank you, he made a big deal about it, and he moved on. He didn't say a word about us already owning it, because he didn't want to hurt the other boy's feelings.
I told him after what a wonderful job he'd done.
It is a mark of maturity to know when to be silent, and when to tell a white lie. To tell Aunt Marge that the thanksgiving dinner was wonderful when you could barely choke it down. To thank your cousin for the lovely yellow tablecloth with duckies and sunflowers. You get the idea. Perhaps they didn't want to be your friend any more--perfectly fine. Friendships start and end for a thousand reasons. But there are ways to move on from a friendship, and what they did is unconscionable.
The kind of people who would post hurtful things about you all over an online forum do not have a shred of common decency. As much as it may hurt now, these are people you do not want as friends. They may have revealed hurtful things about you, but they have revealed even more about themselves--that they have not even begun to approach adult behavior, that they have no tact, no class, and still have the behavior of hormone-addled middle school kids.
I wish you joy in your next friendships, and that you will find people with sense, decency, and tact to spend your time with.
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food for thought
A Web site I found about bullying in the workplace has a long list of traits that bullying victims often have. The "profile" of a typical victim is surprisingly not someone who lacks social skills, but someone who is well liked by those around her and who is comfortable with who she is. Another trait that bullies look for is integrity. If you're the sort not to compromise your values and stand up for what you believe in, you may be considered an easy target by bullies. A third is simply that you were the most available target.
It's hard to believe that you were treated the way you were because of jealousy, but it is possible. People who fit the victim profile also tend to be modest and not take credit for their achievements. Not that it helps much to realize that it was your strengths, not your weaknesses that may have made you a target, but it's possible.
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People don't always grow out of it
Tis sort of stuff happened to me alot when I was young, because I was painfully shy and withdrawn. (Like "mean girl" drawing on my new white sweater with a pen in the guise of "tapping on my shoulder" or "mean boy" stealing my Spanish dictionary, tearing it in half and throwing it away - all of this to laughter from the other kids).
Now I'm a lot older and have grown out of the shyness.
I recently joined a writers' group, and someone outside the group set up an online message board for us. One of the other writers inadvertently posted some of my proprietary (unpublished/unprotected) work on the as yet unsecured board. I asked her to take it down several times - "Please take down the comment, thanks! :)" - but she didn't.
Weeks later it was still up there. I never varied from that one sentence request, with smiley face!
Finally she started - on the open board - to psychoanalyze me, and then implied I was only concerned about having my work stolen because I was there to steal their ideas!! Just out of left field. Especially since we all discussed and shared our ideas openly OFFline.
So I withdrew from the group, but not before being completely reamed by the other people in the group, as in "never e-mail any of us again!!" (I had just barely met these people and hadn't e-mailed any of them even once).
The moderator of the board came on and said it was like watching Lord of the Flies. He told them they were being ridiculous. Cold comfort, since it was a good writer's group! I can post on the board (why would I?) but can't come to the group (again, why would I?).
I complimented them sincerely as I left the group and received one more slap in the form of one last nasty e-mail impugning my character. Because I asked someone (very nicely!) to take a comment down because it contained MY work product? By the way, her husband is in the business (has contacts, etc.) - Oh, I didn't mention that?
It doesn't hurt less now that I'm a zillion years old. It's still bullshit, it's still dog eat dog, it's still pretty much no one sticking up for me even though I was right because she had the "goods" in a well-connected husband and I didn't. I felt like that 3rd grader being drawn on by that bitch Kathy Whatsername.
There's a lyric, something to the effect of "Your best friend always sticking up for you, even when I know you're wrong". I'd give good body parts to have one of those.
I wish I could offer the LW some advice. All I can say is maybe be that "best friend" for someone else. But people can really suck sometimes, at any age.