It's expensive, but we like gay people and smart people here. And many people have or are getting doctorates, so they understand where you are at.

I have always felt pity for the pitiful. It's a weakness, I know.

When I was in high school, a clique of girls I thought were at least semi-nice sent me a note saying basically that I was a huge loser. Were the things they said true? Yeah, but they said them with an astounding lack of tact. Today, I'm an adult. I have good friends, but if I live to be a hundred, I'll remember every word of that note.

Because of that unpleasant experience, I was shyer when I got to college. Something like that happens, and you start looking over your shoulder and double checking every time a new person is kind to you. It sucks, but it's a normal and unavoidable reaction.

Fortunately, when I was in high school, Facebook did not exist. I can't imagine how painful it would be to be bullied via the Internet. But there's a flip side: you can use it to find support and sympathy. Would that a forum like Salon was available when I was a high school freshman.

Time does heal wounds, but the scars usually remain in our psyches. But everyone has been betrayed at some point or another. You're hardly alone, although I'm sure it must feel that way.

Do not get thee to San Francisco--it's more of a gay man's town. (I say this as a gay woman who used to live in the Bay Area.) Get thee to a more lesbian-friendly area with stuff you like to do. Or just look around where you are--there's likely some community there already.

Cary gave you some good advice. I'd like to add just one thing: get off the 'net. Don't hang out on MyFace/LiveBook/SpaceJournal or spend time with people who spend a lot of time building online community. (Comment sections like these are OK so long as the people don't spend their lives there.) For those who live online, it turns into a VERY small town and very nosy and interfering all too easily. I used to. I quit, and it did wonders for my outlook.

Good luck. Although it may not feel like it now, this, too, shall pass.

Lovingly cultivate your bullshit detector. I'm sorry you were taken in by those snotty scumbags--it's happened to me.

And let your Facebook account lapse. It's not often comforting to realize just how unimportant you are in the grand scheme, but it might be in this case: everybody in the world is NOT going to be looking you up on Facebook forever.

I went to college with no social skills and made a dick out of myself freshman year. I'm sure people laughed at me behind my back like they laughed behind yours, but remember,laughter is usually not someone's final judgment on you. Every human being on earth is ridiculous in some way or other, and some people just can't resist pointing it out once they see it.

So--shrug it off. Ask yourself what you're really looking for out of other people. Keep trying for it and be content when you get it.

Social skills can be learned and faster than you think. The key is observing other people to see how they interact and you can't do that unless you're among people. I hung out at the edges of groups, joined committees, watched and listened. Just like learning a foreign language, sooner or later it falls into place.

Good luck.

That kind of betrayal isn't about you, it's about them. It says much more about them than it does you. Keep reminding yourself of that. Feel sorry for them that they needed to act that way in order to feel good about themselves. Really, it's not about you.

Baker Street,

You aren't ugly or socially maladroit. The bastards and bitches who betrayed you are. I know it's trite to talk about "inner beauty," but the truth is that people who are comfortable in their own skins and have any humanity or depth whatsoever feel no need to put others down. In my 42 years on this planet, it has been proven to me again and again that cruelty comes out of self-hatred. Those people were cruel to you for their own ugly, personal reasons that have nothing to do with you. If you hadn't been there to serve as a convenient target for them, someone else would have. You're better than all of them put together, and they are not worth another minute of your attention.

Having said that, you should not be so hard on yourself for your inability to forget about a deep personal hurt after only a year, which is not in fact a very long time. (Wait until you get to be my age and the years start flying by in what seem like seconds.) Here is a quote from Louis Begley's novel About Schmidt that may speak to you: "In reality, it hurts a lot to be disliked or denied some part of the respect you think you should get, without your having done anything to provoke it. It's like being treated as though you're ugly, when in fact you are not. You know that Louis Armstron song -- 'All my sin is in my skin.' One never forgets those hurts."

Go to the mirror right now and tell yourself that you are beautiful and lovable, because you are.

Good luck,

Eric Meyer

"But what I really want to know is why, one year later, I'm still thinking about it. Nobody has been able to explain why this one thing haunts me so badly. The best explanation I can think of is that what those friends and acquaintances posted was really closer to the truth that I knew and didn't want to see. But I've accepted the truth and I've made changes where I could. Is this not enough? What more can I do?"

Why is this haunting you so badly? Only you can say for sure, but I have some ideas.

1. These people were supposed to be your friends (or friend-like) and they betrayed your trust. This not only hurts, it also makes you question your judgment in trusting other people in your life, so it throws a lot of other relationships and potential relationships into question. No wonder you feel isolated.

2. They did this behind your back, which suggest to me that they were being nice to your face. More betrayal.

3. They said these things in a "public" forum, which I'm guessing adds the fun of public humiliation to the mix. That's a hard thing to get over.

4. It sounds like you believe what they said. I would really encourage you not to take what these people said about you as gospel truth. Maybe they did hit on some things that had a smidge of truth to them if you felt the need to make changes, but that doesn't mean they are the final judge on you.

I think you should cut yourself some slack for feeling bad about this a year later -- that doesn't seem unreasonable to me -- but at the same time, try to focus on moving forward with your life. And although I understand why you'd be inclined to isolate yourself, I hope you'll try to be open to meeting new people - it could be helpful for getting over this.