Letters to the Editor
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What's the point of this letter?
I thought this letter was about how to help a friend through a break up. We seem to be distracted by the details of this particular relationship.
A friend of mine recently had a relationship end. He's depressed. He says things like "We were so compatible. We were perfect together."
My only comment? "If he doesn't love you back, then he's not the right guy for you."
That's what I'd tell the 41-yr-old. Don't wait for someone to come back. Move on. If they come back, you can be pleasantly surprised and deal with it then. But don't put your life on hold.
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Is the no-alcohol policy really the way to go here?
While I was reading the letter, a bottle of whiskey seemed like the best medicine; I was shocked to see the opposite advice given. In my experience, getting drunk is actually a pretty useful way to deal with a situation like this. After a couple of belts or three, your ability to rationalize is dulled. The serious problems of the world recede. Nothing is left but to wallow in the salve of your own self pity. For the moment you are the most miserable person on the planet. Tears are allowed to flow. Drool seeps from the corner of your mouth. The true catharsis comes the next morning when you can barely make it out of bed to the toilet for a bout of head-pounding, violent retching. Now you can see how truly stupid you were. All this for a woman? It's a wonderful day, full of possibilities, that you are unable to enjoy because of your self indulgence. The situation is suddenly and clearly revealed.
Finally, as a bonus, years later you and your friends can fondly recall the idiots that you all made of yourselves while they helped you drink through your "breakup binge". The strange locales woken up to, the women propositioned while in a drunken stupor, the stinging rebukes. Old loves are fondly remember by the length of drinking required for the eventual cure. Admit that you could use another booster shot for a couple of them. That's the perfect raw material of friendship.
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A little common sense please!
Hey Tony Jaguar, David Smith et al. 41 year olds shouldn't be dating 23 year olds. It’s not a morality thing. It’s a common sense thing.
If you insist upon it, I guess you can date 20 year olds, but only a moron or control freak or deluded person, or (in rare cases) a hopeless romantic would do so thinking it will lead to a life-long commitment.
Age shouldn’t matter, but realistically, it does. So my rule for dating younger people is this: Hands off until they’re at least 30. I figure by then, we’re all mature enough to make life decisions. Besides, it’s the responsible thing to do.
Our 20’ s are for experimenting and sewing wild oats. Date someone in their 20’s and that’s what you’ll be: a wild oat. The girlfriend in question is doing what 23 year olds are supposed to do: finding herself, getting her only place etc, She may have used him for financial security (as some readers suggest). I’ll bet she was in love with him. But “in love” isn’t the same as “real love”. Now she wants to be with people her own age. That’s natural. Leave her alone.
When I was in my 20’s I had a much older boyfriend in his 40’s. He was a handsome, experienced, sophisticated gentleman. I was an earnest, young, college student. He taught me a lot about life in our 3 years together. I thought I was in love and wanted to marry him. But he was smart enough not to marry me. If he had, I’m sure I would have flown the coop a few years later, much like the girl in the letter.
A few years after that, I worked with a handsome, brilliant, English prof in his mid 40’s. He was dating a lovely young woman. She was mature, educated, very intelligent, really nice, and stunningly beautiful. BUT SHE WAS 22!!. They married and were happy for a few years. Then she left. She was too young. It might have worked out had they met when she was in her 30’s. But 20-something is just too young. Face it.
Now I’m in my 40’s, single, happy, fairly accomplished and reasonably attractive (for an old broad!). For some reason, young men seek me out. I’ve dated a couple, even fell in love with one. But in the end, age gaps are a problem (Hey Nineteen...!).
Younger people are fun. I know how hard it is to resist their youth, beauty and zest for life. But before I succumb to their charms, I make sure they’re at least 30. I go in knowing that if the age gap is wider than 10 years, it’s gonna be a good time, but it won’t lead to forever. And I think of the words of the great prophet Dan Savage: You should treat younger lovers like campgrounds: leave them in better condition than you found them.
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There is lots of envy here demonstrated
by the women who are older for the younger, nubile hot young ladies. Why they angst? Why the anger? Why the histrionics? Younger, hotter women win every time.
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ahoythere got it right
dan savages' words that is
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None of us know the LW's friend OR his ex-girlfriend!
Ben Dover said
There is lots of envy here demonstrated by the women who are older for the younger, nubile hot young ladies. Why they angst? Why the anger? Why the histrionics? Younger, hotter women win every time.
How funny that is! Why would you assume that the ex-girlfriend or any other young woman is "hotter" than older women responding here? Unless, in your opinion, younger women are always hotter, which might indicate some personal issues that you may have.
I think it's so bizarre that people have decided that the LW's friend is a pathetic, immature ephebophile and the girlfriend is a hot gold-digger who is a terrible mother, based entirely on a brief letter from a third party. For all we know, the LW's friend never had a girlfriend and made the whole story up as a way to avoid the stalker LW. For that matter, perhaps the LW is delusional and no such "friend" even exists! Come on, people, if I said that my neighbor was wearing a blue shirt today would you start explaining why that indicated that he was abused as a child?
(No offense intended to LW; the above were just examples.)