Letters to the Editor
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Simple solution
The solution is simple & the LW himself suggested it. Let her use the cellphone only for emergencies, since that is why he claims she got it. He must, though, hope that she is able to communicate her emergency needs to the person she calls during that emergency.
So, in other words, he needs to stop calling her on her cellphone.
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a world where everyone isn't constantly on the phone yacking about nothing.
yeah, it's like thier experience isn't valid unless they're relaying it to someone else over a cellphone, or texting. Phone calls, texting, email, are the primary expereince to these folks rather than support for the more authentic expereince of face-to-face contact, or even enjoying an experince in nature with NO other humans around. Being at one with yourself without needing the expereince validated by another person.
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I hate cell phones
I reluctantly got a cell phone when I was pregnant and driving at night in iffy weather. I got a special plan that was free, but each call was expensive. It was for emergencies only. Guess what? I never had an emergency! Never used it even once.
I have since come to the conclusion that not being instantly reachable by clients who think I should be on call 24/7 is a luxury these days, and one I will not give up lightly. True, I can't call up my husband from the grocery store to jabber about what brand of peanut butter I should buy, as so many others seem compelled to do, but it's a small price to pay.
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I'm surprised no one has posted this yet
Dump her. She's no good for you.
Heh. Just kidding.
Cell phones suck. Deal with it.
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Good lord...
For the love of whatever you both deem holy, DO NOT ask or otherwise compel your wife to use the cellphone while she's driving! If she can't manage to operate the phone behind the wheel, what in the hell makes you think she's not simultaneously a extreme danger to herself and everyone around her?
That goes for you and everyone else who can't hang up and drive, too.
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Clink! Clink! The times they are a-changin', old man
Oh please. Too old to text? Crabby about cell phones? I suppose those new-fangled computers are giving you trouble, too. What's next -- the horseless carriage?
Finding a working payphone was always a pain and you may have had a cordial relationship with the newsstand in your little fantasy world, but I enjoy reading news from all over the world on my computer as I sit here in my pajamas.
Get the missus a headset and an explanation about sidetones and whatnot until she swears she'll lower her voice just to shut you up.
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Go phoneless!
My husband and I hate phones so much that we live an essentially phoneless home life. No cell phones. Our landline phone is off most of the time and we have no voice mail. When my in-laws finally die (the only people we call), we may even get rid of the landline.
The result is that our lives at home are quiet. If I get a flat tire, I change it myself. I'm on the phone enough at work...don't want it at home. Not being instantly reachable has disciplined both of our workplaces into organizing their requests when we are in the office.
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You Don't HAVE To Use the Phone So Much
You say you got a cell phone for security. Fair enough. But is there an emergency every day?
My wife and I have a cell phone that I take with me on my 50-mile commute every day. It stays turned off 99% of the time. I only turn it on if I need to call my wife on my way out to the car to tell her I'll be late. We talk for 30 seconds and then I turn it off again. We use it when we travel, but other than that, it stays OFF. I probably average about 10 minutes every month.
If you hate cell phones, then stop using them so much! Save it for emergencies. You still live in a time where landlines abound. Use them. And if you're worried about safety, for God's sake DON'T use the cell while one of you is driving!
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Cell Yell
The condition the wife suffers from is called Cell Yell. It's obnoxious. It might be the design of the phone, as others have suggested, but honestly the mobile clarity learning curve is not that steep that your wife shouldn't know by now how to conduct herself while using her phone. The sound quality of mobile phones pretty much sucks, but again this just takes some getting used to. I find it hard to believe that she cannot bring herself to adjust to it. Is your wife the type of person who is agitated easily or gets all dramatic or riled up about minor things? Sounds like theatrics to me. Some people just get weirdly worked up about new things, or things they don't understand or can't fully grasp.
Explain to her that it's really not that different from using a cordless "land line" while at home. Again, sound quality is dimished a bit with cell phones, but it's not *that* drastic that it should turn your wife into a blathering idiot while using her mobile.
Unless your wife can learn how to converse properly on her mobile, then I would absolutely not speak to her on it unless it is a dire emergency.
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It's not just your wife...cell phones are awful.
I'm in my early thirties with fantastic hearing. Also, I wholeheartedly embrace technology.
Even so...
I probably sound a lot like your wife.
Even the best cell phones with the best coverage simply can not compete with a land line in terms of call quality.
Moving from a land line to a cell phone is like going from fillet mignon to tuna fish.
But, in an emergency -- a genuine emergency, tuna fish can be the best thing in the world.
However, for the rest of the time -- the pick-up-milk-on-the-way-home kind of calls -- keep it short or learn to love text messaging.
Good luck!
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Nostalgic for the days of radio?
This has to be one of those famous fake letters. I'm in my late 30's and none of my 40-something friends would talk about "dialing" a number on a cellphone or being too old to text.
Only a teenager would think 40's is "old" - this has to be written by a teenager!
As a matter of fact, I think Cary had an 80-year-old imposter write his response, too...