Letters to the Editor
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I am 45 years old
I have no children.
I just broke up with a 40-year-old woman because she wanted to have a child. And I do not.
Should I therefore conclude that all women are selfish?
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So I'm cynical - but these guys sound like liars.
The detective in me is dying to know if the last three guys have procreated yet.
I am scratching my head here. How do LW's interactions with three men get to the status of "relationship" without her knowing where they stand on an issue as big as parenthood?
She says she tells them the truth about her age. So they have to know she's not going to manufacture babies for them. Does anything else important come up during those early getting-to-know-you dates, such as whether they want babies or not? I would think that, at any age, someone seriously shopping for a mate and not just dating would bring the subject up fast, before things had a chance to progress to a "relationship."
Three old guys in a row have mysteriously and suddenly become aware of wanting to be dads? Something is way off here. I think they've all found a crappy, cowardly, untruthful way of exiting.
LW, don't get into any "relationships" with men you haven't gotten to know very, very well. That means lots of talk, before any action.
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Oy.
Cary, you live in a city with good public transportation and have a starting point and destination that allow you to avoid sitting on the Bay Bridge and gas prices are sky high (plus the toll). With all this, you aren't sure if you should take public transportation or drive yourself?
Oh, my aching head. Jesus, man, get an iPod and listen to your tunes while you write. BART takes a little longer if the traffic gods are with you... or a lot less time if they're not. At least it's pretty predictable.
I have no comment on the LW's predicament.
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@ Lazy Lady
You are right. I lied about being broke. But I will never be able to retire.
As if they were trying to suck the nectar out of the flower of my youth
Yes, that is exactly what it is. Enjoying the sweet essence of life second time around. And young people are so excited about it (life, that is!)
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breeders?
I wish people would stop using that term. It's so vulgar. Actually it's pretty damn offensive to the majority of the population. My sympathy for the LW was truly compromised by that word and the sneering implications of it. Is that her attitude towards people who make different choices or have different values than she does? If so, that may be a reason no one will stick around.
oh, and I work with several girls in the 21 year age range. If I didn't know better I would think they're in high school, and I'm only 31. Any man over 30 who would find that interesting for more than a couple nights of hot sex seriously has a screw loose.
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The one infuriating thing
in this letter is that these 47 year old men have had it easy economically. They would have trailed the front end baby boomers, gone to high school in the unraveling educational system of the early mid-70s that did most students no favors in life preparation, went to college-- if they went-- in the universities' bitter retrenchment and obscene reaction of the mid-late 70s, tried to get their financial feet in the economic hell of the late 70s, dragged along in the 80s, most far too young to have together a stash for the upside of the Reagan market, have consistently found their union job lost, their plant closed, their corporation acquired and downsized, their technology obsolete, their credit volatile, etc., etc., etc.
I have a lot of sympathy for the letter writer, but she should use a little imagination about the lives of the people she is judging so harshly.
I'm in my early 50s, and I sometimes marvel that the younger brothers and sisters of the 70s made it at all. In the key period of their youth they got none of the idealism and all of the decadence, fore-shortened opportunities and hopes mixed with outrageous burdens of interest and inflation.
Some of them made themselves into some pretty ugly characters to make it. Some are still wounded and can't even tell you why. Of course, some made a lot of money; but to generalize on their easy lives is not to have thought very much about those lives.
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46 and not worried...
I'm a 46 year old woman. I was married to a man my age and divorced when I was 38. I have since dated men of various ages (ranging from 18 to 52), and just got out of a two year relationship with a man (now 30) who wanted to have children. I don't regret any of my post-divorce adventures. I also saw how immature and selfish a lot of young American men are.
When I was in Latin America I had a number of conversations about age difference. A fifty-year-old Mexican man told me that an older woman with a younger man is a better combination because he will always be able to satisfy her sexually. He knew what he was talking about. I have witnessed a number of marriages of older women to younger men (10 to 20 year age differences) that everyone predicted would never work, and they have all worked beautifully. A younger man who marries an older woman knows that he can't dominate her, and the resulting respect and equality make for excellent long term relationships. These are not as rare as you might think.
Recently some 50- and 60-something men with white hair and paunches and combovers have hit on me, and I just can't go there... I still think of myself as young and want to be with man who is, if not 30, at least vital and healthy. What are my choices? Probably a man close to my age who already has kids or who never wanted them, will show up. LW, you might think about whether you're willing to help raise the children of a divorced (or widowed) man; that opens up more possibilites, especially if you like kids. The man will see you as a true companion, not a breeder.
In any case know that you're still desirable and wonderful. It's probably best to dispense with attitude (optimism, cynicism, etc.) altogether... go out and live, have fun, get laid as much as you want, do your work, and see what happens.