Letters to the Editor
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Less Attractive After 30, Huh?
I have a question for that theory...
What if you are heading into your late 30's and look freakishly young for your age (as in 10+ years) and can't seem to find men your age because they think you're TOO young to be interested in them? What if you look so young for your age that men in their early to mid twenties gravitate to you? This isn't bullshit (before all you naysayers get started; Brighstar, I'm talking to you:D), this is what I'm dealing with at the moment. I just turned 37 in July, and when I tell people how old I am, they look at me (or laugh) as if I'm lying to them. Some even ask to see my ID! My point is that I'm a single woman myself and let me tell you when I see an attractive guy in my age group (or older) I get this sinking feeling that they may pass me by at first glance because they see someone they think is 25 or under(depends on how I'm dressed). Don't get me started about the college guys who approach me when I go out (first question: "Do you go to school around here?"). When I do meet someone I like, they become puzzled by my not wanting to bend over backwards to get their attention. What I'm saying is that we women are damned if we do, and damned if we don't in the pergatory also known as being single. Look your age (and *gasp* are older) there's a good chance of being ignored. Look younger, you stand the chance of being rejected when you tell guys your real age. Look TOO young, you find yourself surrounded by kids.
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Blame men
Shallow women (most modern American women belong to this category) blame men for all the things that are wrong in their lives. They love to play the victim mentality and to blame others instead of accepting their responsibilities.
This woman says men are selfish because they want to breed. OK, so, if we accept this argument, we have to accept that all the women who want to be mothers are selfish too. Since women are more eager to breed than men, they are more selfish.
In fact, what LW means is that it is selfish for men to choose the partner they want. They have to choose the partner she wants. Such a selfish woman!
It is true that men love young women. It is part of our biology (if you know some of natural selection, you will be able to explain that easily). So young women run the show. When I was young, I was rejected thousands of times by young women that treated me like shit, because I was not "bad boy" enough. It was their right to choose their partners and I accepted that (not that it didn't hurt). Now that I am in my late thirties and I am affluent, I choose the woman I want. And I want young women. It is my right to choose my partner and no bitter old woman would be able to change that.
LW was also a young woman and has her time and decided not to secure a man when she could. Now it is too late. She must learn to live with the consequences of her decisions and not blame others of their mistakes.
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Youngdetroit you nailed it !!!
I was about to say some things when I realized that youngdetroit has described wonderfully the same experience I have had in my life. So I only have to repeat his words.
speaking for the rejects
As an older man, I tend not to like older women for a variety of reasons, very little of it having to do with age or how attractive they are.
Whe I was younger most women my age didn't want to have anything to do with me. They wanted their careers, their independance and carefree relationships with "bad boys" or "hotties". I speak from experience as I've had several women tell me I am a great catch but they're only dating "hotties" right now.
I found it hilarious that often these women would try to turn these carefree relationships into long term ones and then be disappointed when they failed often leaving them with children or burdened with debt from all that spending to keep Mr. Right Now happy and involved in the relationship.
Then they wake up one day and realize that they aren't the hot young things they used to be and are all alone. So as has happened to be in the last several years, all of a sudden I've become Mr. Popular to many older.
Now I ask you why would I want to be with a women who rejected me a long time ago and now is older, divorced, often with kids and is bitter about the way things have turned out?
Or would I rather be with a younger, happier women who has never been married and has no kids? someone who wants to be with me for me and not in a last ditch effort to keep from being alone for the rest of her life?
Basically you choose your path in life and the one you opted for isn't turning out the way you planned. As for older men wanting to have children, that's hardly a selfish desire. Maybe they're like me, ignored until now.
My life seems to have started off late. I don't regret it and it's like a second chance to live my 20's all over again. you don't get many second chances in life, I'm taking mine. sorry you can't find yours.
youngdetroit
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if it is true 40-something men date much younger women
and are apparently able to make this happen relatively regularly, LW should get a clue and date 65-70 year old men.
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mariaxxmm,
I do not disbelieve you, or think you’re making this up. But, your post raises several red flags. You write that everyone you work with is married. EVERYONE?? I don’t believe that. Besides, you shouldn’t date people in your immediate work environment. Dating services? Oh, please. Those places make their money making you feel like shit. They can’t find ONE single man for you to meet? They’re not trying. Do you honestly think they want to work themselves out of a job? Have they tried to sell you other, upgraded services?
Years ago when I became single again, I went to a function that was supposed to be for professional singletons. It was a horror. People were awkward, stiff, and uncomfortable. I asked for my very expensive meal to be packaged to go, and I left early. I’m sure that most of the people there were quite nice, but the environment was not conducive to making friends. And I don’t go to bars. I will NEVER go to any function that caters exclusively to singles. Ever.
About Washington DC. It is a well-established myth that women outnumber men in Washington. When I moved here in the 80s, I was told the same thing, and honestly, I just assumed that I’d never have another date. Keep in mind that I was just out of the military, dirt poor, without even an undergrad degree. I found a world of interesting, intelligent men. I had a blast in my twenties, dating a lot and having a great time. The first month here, I stayed with a friend from my service days, a woman whose parents lived in Prince Georges County, a predominately African American county. We were talking and I was bemoaning my coming date-less future. She said: “You’re wrong. You won’t have any trouble finding guys because you are a white woman. DC has a high number of poor, black single mothers. Combined with the high incarceration rate of black men makes it appear that women outnumber men. The reality is that for white women, there is a large pool of eligible non-black men to date. It’s really tough for black women of all socio-economic classes.” And she was right.
I never went looking for men. I went looking for a life and found - and still find - lots of intelligent interesting men. Do you live in DC? Around Dupont Circle? Try getting out of DC proper for a change. Many of the suburb communities that used to be considered sleepy towns, such as Arlington, Bethesda, Vienna, Fort Washington, Reston, Laurel, all have vibrant communities with interesting people. The City of Alexandria in Northern Virginia is usually ranked first in the US in the high percentage of single, live alone households. And we have all those single military guys - active duty and retired. (I love classical music and cannot afford all the concerts I’d like to see. So, I am a regular at the military band concerts. They are free, first-class concerts - and I always meet interesting men. The Army and the Marines have the most concerts. Check them out.) Oh, if you’re a culture vulture, check out ticketplace.org. I go to plays all the time by myself when my SO is working late - and I get hit on. (Good for the aging ego!)
You mentioned your dogs. Do you volunteer with any rescue groups? I volunteer each month for a spay-neuter clinic and meet others who like animals - and they tend not to have children. I work several hours each month at a food pantry sorting food - and have met some terrific men. (One guy who volunteers - a seriously rich single lawyer - told me that he and his family lived in their car for two years after their father left them. He knows hunger, knows how fleeting success can be, and never wants to get so rich and mighty that he forgets where he came from.) I garden at a public plot and have met several interesting men who wandered by, killing some time while their children were playing soccer at the adjacent filed. (All the jurisdictions in the DC area have public plots. They are cheap and fun.) Do you dance? There is a whole subculture of people who seriously dance throughout the metro area. Yes, there are more women at these things than men, BUT fewer of the women are good dancers. Take some one-on-one lessons and you’ll never sit out a dance.
I have met interesting and nice men at cooking classes and in graduate school. I am a precinct captain for a local political party. I tutor a child each week. I do all of these things because these are things that bring me joy - and I just happen to meet men who share my values.
I would suggest that you ask yourself what brings you joy, and go after those activities. Lots of great men will be there waiting for you.