Letters to the Editor
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Response to more BS
So...for all you guys in their 40's and 50's who are stating "biology" as the reason for the older men/younger women pairings, please remember that there is also a good reason that women hit their sexual peaks in their mid-30's while men hit thier peak around 19 or 20.
This old chestnut is only applicable to unaware sad old men. I have a much more rich, interesting sex life at 41 than I ever had at 20- partner or no partner.
But then I take care of my body, learn all there is to know about human sexuality, and do what it takes to keep my sexuality growing.
I think more men are learning this to also be the case in their lives.
Also, I neglected the probable real reason these men tell her they want kids. They are PLAYERS. These guys come in every age bracket, and many women even after decades cannot discern a player from a real man.
Usually these women are easily seduced by charm and looks and only go for the cute, put together ones, the ones who spend all their time and attention honing their skills. In this way players easily take advantage of women's lack of discernment.
It is the equaivalent of men who only go for bleached hair big tit bimbos and who fail to look beyond this veneer to the vacuous dope behind it. Of course, those men do not then proceed to grouse that they cannot find a real woman.
If women stopped insisting men put on an act, stayed away from the easy lays, and decided to chase the rough diamonds instead, they might more often find REAL PEOPLE instead of guys in masks who are merely taking advantage of easy and ample sex then moving on.
But then womem love to show off their arm candy, it is flattering to their egos to be in the company of players (who, in their egotistic minds, they will try to change and snag).
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Re: Response...
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Yeah...because men NEVER have eye candy or trophy wives - it's just a "female" thing, right?
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Thanks, anonymous
"Men are spoiled by women willing to get way too friendly with them before finding out who they are and whether they care."
This is the only thought here i found at all relevant--and timely, for me. Thank you.
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I am not against eye candy
as long as the person truly wants eye candy, can acquire it, and is not deluding themselves that they have more than that.
LW wanted companionship, something eye candy will likely not get her.
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Ananda, people do change their minds about kids
I'm old enough to have seen it. I know lots of people who thought kids would be a nuisance and that they never really wanted them.
Then they start hitting the ages where they realize they're not going to be here forever and that they want some connection to the future. At which point, you see some desperate measures taken to have those once unwanted kids.
Wanting a child is not like wanting a new car. It's a very big thing. I've had women friends tell themselves they didn't want children because the guy they were with didn't want them. Then, when it's too late and having a child is no longer a possibility, there's hell to pay.
And people, even unimportant ones, have life-changing experiences--the big one is the death of a parent. When your family-of-origin starts checking out, then creating your own family can become a very strong drive.
I don't know what LW's boyfriends were like. I do know that her use of the term "breeders" and her disparaging the desire for a child doesn't show much awareness outside her own wants. You don't have to want children to realize that other people genuinely do.
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Eye Candy Mates..
Actually, some Eye Candies also make good mates. But I guess it depends on the definition of "mate". If LW is looking for something long term and severely committed, than, yes, most likely she might have to broaden her search.
But, if by "companionship", she's looking for a friend to hang out with, talk to, have fun with, sleep with in a relationship (perhaps even one that's committed), it's possible for her to find that with some younger men.
Personally, I'm not seeking another wedding ring or room-mate. And with that pressure of "where is this going" removed, the relationships tend to be much more rewarding..at least in my humble opinion.
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Real Men vs. Her Baggage About Men
This is just the usual disgruntled woman ragging about how men must be spoiled, immature, selfish, dysfunctional, manipulative, ad nauseum....just because they don't do exactly what she wants them to do. Frankly, heterosexual men are one of the last targets where sexist stereotypes and misogyny are considered acceptable. It gets way old. And some of the most ardent practitioners of this sexist bashing are American women, perhaps the most liberated, and patronized, segment of the entire worldwide spectrum of femininity. Never have women had so many opportunities, so much equality, and so much automatic respect for even the most routine accomplishments - like playing soccer, being a park ranger, or holding down a job. Gee, you go girl. Chicks rule.
First off, I don't think most women feel like "Thinking". I think most women are a lot smarter than her. Second: A LOT of men find older women wildly attractive. I personally find young chicks kinda hot, in a mindless, can't-drive-the-fast-car-they've-got kinda way, but that's about it. Gimme 40-plus any day. There's a difference between men's feelings, and your projecting of self-doubt. Third: Your denigration of prospective mothers as 'breeders' is pretty ugly sheeit. I'd suspect you have children yourself, meaning you were a 'breeder' who had your day previously.
Lastly "Thinking": See a therapist. The problem isn't men, it's your baggage about men. That'll be a tough mountain to climb over for any sensitive, caring, supportive man who finds you initially attractive. Being constantly accused of crimes you were never guilty of gets really, really old. Men aren't running around trying to oppress you or cheat you; They've got lives outside of your expectations. And then there's that whole question of why you had three relationships in a row that repeated the same pattern. Better ask yourself a few tough questions there. But "everybody knows" women like men who treat them like dirt, right?