Letters to the Editor
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Age? Who cares about age?
Soooo....if guys your age are the problem (assuming that you are correct in your theories, LW), then why not start looking around at younger men?
If so many men want babies when they hit fifty (presuming this is true), then why not pick a much younger man? When the time comes that you pass on (presuming your relationship - or any relationship these days - stays together "for life"), he will still have time to find his own younger woman to breed with.
I'm dead serious.
What will happen in 20 years, when a younger man may decide he wants children? Who knows? Who knows what will happen to any of us in 20 years? You could get hit by bus tomorrow. Or maybe some idiot world leader will blow us all up by then. 20 years is a long time away.
I am 38, not interested in children, and in a relationship with a fantastic 21-year old man. I've never had the kind of connection that I feel with this particular man, and no, I'm NOT just talking about sex. (Though that definitely is a bonus!) He is a fascinating, kind, generous soul with a heart of gold, and we have more in common than either of us ever thought possible. Everything I ever wanted from a relationship is all there: honesty, communication, equality (YES), respect, trust....it just about knocked me off my feet when I realized what was happening between us, but I've never been so happy as I am since I met this amazing man.
Age may be an important factor when it comes to breeding, but if that's the case, then perhaps you are the one who needs to throw age out the window, dear LW!
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anonymous, you lie
Still broke? No way. Fat and old I would believe, but the girl who dates a man older than her father is looking for some financial security or status.
Cary, she should date men who have children already and don't want to date women who want babies. You are right that she should avoid repeating this involvement with late bloomers.
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yep, date an older guy yourself
preferably one who's already raised a family and isn't interested in doing it over again. Someone who will appreciate your cultivation and experience but to whom you'll still seem devastatingly young and desirable. There's no reason for men not to want to have a biological family when they still can and lucky bastards they take advantage of it so follow the trend and find someone older yourself who will dazzle you with their life experience and take you on a cruise around the world, just like those little 27 yr olds feel about their sugar daddy.
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Buck the Trend?
Lemme get this straight: A LW takes the time to write a post about how not all guys are like this, he's 32, doesn't want kids, likes older women, etc., and ends with saying 'let us know where to find you?'
And then signs the letter Anonymous?
The joke writes itself.
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To Cary
I don't know about the effect of your changed location on your column, but how about the effect on the earth of your decision to drive (a "truck"?) when you could be taking public transportation?
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computer dating parameters
How about divorced men? If you limit your computer search to divorced men, then you'd be more likely to find a guy who already had kids. Just a thought.
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This is a sad letter.
Hi.
I feel the writers pain.
I find myself in a similar situation where women I am dating balk at the idea of having kids.
That is where the similarity ends.
I do not hold it against the women. Sure, it is disappointing, but I believe it is a persons choice to break it off if they do not feel the relationship is going where they want it.
The rest of the writers concern seems to come from years of built up resentment. It is ok for a man to want kids at that age. Certainly very few people are comfortable criticizing women in their forties and fifties who are having kids.
It appears that the real selfishness is on the part of the woman, wanting men to bend to her will and desire. That is not a recipe for a successful relationship.
Also, if she has so much resentment toward men her own age, maybe she should try some much younger guys, who may be more malleable and willing to do things her way.
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Memento Mori
You know, despite the fact that I'm the same age as the letter writer (older, in fact) - this issue has lost its vitality for me. The whole idea of dating seems preposterous and really beside the point. Either you'll find someone or you won't and pathologizing others seems to me to be a rather pointless exercise.
Do you really want to spend the precious hours and days allotted to you mulling over this stuff? Shopping for partners as if life were one great, big Eddie Bauer catalogue?
Every breath is precious. Every interaction with another human being has the potential to bring you closer to the center of the universe. All else is self parody.
Don't try to be happy. Just be.
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sad letter, you are missing the point
...which is that men her age are spoiled (unless they are, of course, "slop").
Since I'm 47, I therefore must be either spoiled or slop. More complicated options are ruled out, apparently. How about it, Cary? Spoiled or slop?
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I can't believe that the majority or even a significant minority of 50 year old men want babies.
Is there any evidence at all to support the LW's experience? Other than the LW's own choices? Which could well be driven by all kinds of things -- including the desire to avoid a serious commitment by finding men who are likely to bail.
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oh, for heaven's sake
Not every sylphlike young thing lusts after wrinkled old men, dear previous commenters. After 35, it's game over, unless your bank account teems with the fruits of your industrious, focused, loser-ish twenties.
I'm 23, I like older men, but to a point. Because I've lived independently for about seven years now, it seems reasonable to bond with men who have equivalent experience navigating adulthood. But that doesn't mean I want a father, or a lecher, and I've been booted by men wise enough to see beyond the obvious appeal of youth.
LW, only messed-up men pursue trophy brides. Perhaps online dating isn't the best place to avoid them. But you deserve someone who loves you as a 47-year-old woman, no less. (When you find him, I promise to stay far, far, away... there's nothing as beautiful as a couple in love, at any age.)