Letters to the Editor
-
A 46 year old married guy
I am sometimes amazed when I take my son to birthday parties (he's 10) and I see dads that are 10-15 years my senior with kids younger than mine... I was at one a couple of weeks ago where dad - who appeared to be pushing 60 - sat there with 3 cameras around his neck so that he would be excused from any physical involvement with his 4 year old and 6 year old daughters. I thought that this was sad. He was short, balding with a substantial paunch - I never saw his wife, but I was curious as hell. I have been married for 15 years and we are pretty happy, but if anything were to happen to my wife, I would never want a younger woman. I work at a college where there are lots of women in their early twenties and, while I can appreciate feminine pulchritude, I would be mortified by the process of asking any of them out.... Maybe my imagination is too good. I can see myself as I suspect others see me. I also want to be with someone who is my own age as they are more familiar with the realities of aging and maturity. When I groan a little as I get out of bed, I know that my wife has some understanding of how I feel - something that anyone much under 45 would have no real clue about. I know that I wouldn't have, 15 years ago. I think being with your agemates is a blessing - I have a number of friends that I met in college and we are all, more or less, at similar stages in our lives. I find this comforting.
Re: the economic security issues of men in their 40's - I got out of college in the early 80's - in the middle of a recession. I was laid off from a crappy job in 1990. I retrained in physical therapy and that field fell apart in the later 90's - resulting in 2 more lay-offs. I went into computers in the late 90's, only to survive 2 more layoffs with the tech crash. I was very lucky to jump to the public sector in 2002 - 150 people applied for my $50,000/year job - in silicon valley where the median household income was more than twice that and a single family house couldn't be bought for less than $550,000 (now about $800,000). At 47, I am finally reaching some degree of financial security, but there are no real guaranties even so. My brother, who is 58 this year, had much easier economic path - the economic "bounces" caught him at the right time and propelled him pretty easily through life. Of course, he thinks it's just because he was smart. The boomers sucked a lot of good jobs out of the marketplace. I have worked hard all my life, hustled like hell, completed nearly 500 units of college credit, degrees in 3 distinct fields and I still feel like I am hanging on by my fingernails.
To re-cap -
1. Date people your own age.
2. Some of us middle aged guys still don't have it so good.