You should risk eviction just to have the chance to be with your mother one last time. It's not the responsible thing to do, but there you have it. These things never look good on paper.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You just have to go.

Yes, dear Rotten, you need to go. In the long shaft of light that is your life, missing her funeral would be a shadow that did not need to be cast.

Your temp jobs and apartment have no spark, they do not further your story. Your mother's funeral is one of those rituals you should not miss. Even if other hopes and other rituals have let you down.

Don't worry about not having been able to hold up your hand and stop death in its tracks. Don't let that keep you from honoring her, and all those who grieve with you, by being part of her farewell.

My heart goes out to you, friend. I don't know what to tell you except that anybody with a mother can understand what you must be going through. From the way you decribed her, your mother sounds like she does too. Allow yourself to mourn, but don't blame yourself for this.

Cary's thoughts on the matter were spot on and much more eloquent than my own.

I sent my wife out early when her father had lung cancer to spend time with him. I was gong to come for a visit. Well, that vist turned into his funeral, and I never got to say anything to him, having him missed him being lucid by about 8 hours.

It is the single biggest regret of my life.

Get down there. Talk to airlines, they'll give you a break on the airfare. Don't wait; don't think; don't rationalize.

Move. Your. Ass.

...have loaned you the money? You are/were under enough stress without worrying you wouldn't have a home to come back to. In any case, do _not_ beat yourself up over this. Would your mother want you to torture yourself--or would she have understood?

To the LW, it doesn't matter - to your mom - that you can't (couldn't) be by her side. She knows (knew) you love(d) her. Nothing else has ever mattered to her.

My mom died last December. I'm a 54-year-old woman, and it was still hard. Still, I was privileged to hold her hand when she entered that new realm of existence, whatever and wherever that is. My three 20-something children were devastated by the loss of their grandma; they are indeed fortunate to not have experienced such a loss sooner in their lives. What I was able to tell them, in all honesty, is that their very existence brought more joy than they knew. And, speaking as a mom who is not much younger than your mother, I can tell you this for a fact. Your very existence brought more joy to your mother, and more love to her life, than you know. You more than repaid her by your very existence. Celebrate your mother's life, and celebrate what you brought to her in her heart. Enjoy the fact that there is love. And grant yourself peace, because you are, and were, a good son.

Give you the soothing, it's-not-your-fault caress that you crave (and that Cary gave you). But mostly I want to ask you this: What the fuck is wrong with you, asshole? Oh, but what is the point. you will never change. You won't. You are approaching 40; you have not seen your terminally ill mother in seven years; your mother loved you; you have to have seen this coming, no?

But maybe I'm being an asshole. After all, you can't change. Who knows what demons haunt you? Make no mistake: demons haunt you. You are fucked up. Your father committed suicide. You, no doubt, suffer mightily from this. You probably share some of his biological predispositions. You probably are haunted by his suicide.

Maybe this is more of a rant about our capitalist ways in this country. Why couldn't someone along the way given you the money to go see your mother? Why couldn't your mother have given you the money to come for a visit? Maybe go see her Ashville home? Why are people so unwilling to part with their precious dimes? Why, in this country, is it nearly immoral to give to someone who can't get their act together enough to hang on to money? Some people can't. Do we punish them for it? Is this moral? Or do we simply accept these people, people like Rotten, and, dammit, give them the money to go visit their terminally ill mothers?

I swear, is money really that important? Really? This is, after all, about money. Money, money, money. Not having enough to visit dying mother. Not having relatives who get it enough to send you a free ticket.

Ultimately, the jig is up. Go to the funeral if you must. Or skip it. Probably the latter. You won't be able to handle it.

I respectfully disagree with those that feel that the LW must go to see his mother.

Of course if he wants to, he should go. If he feels that he needs to be there, perhaps he can borrow the money or make other arrangements to get there before she passes away. It sounds like his family might be willing to pool their resources if he needs them to.

However, whether or not he gets there "in time" will not be the defining moment in his relationship with his mother. They have had a lifetime of memories together, and this one moment cannot and should not "cancel out" everything that they shared.

The LW's mother may be in a coma and unable to communicate with her son, but I am sure that she wouldn't want him to face eviction in order to make a trip that may come too late.

LW, mourn for your mother and allow yourself to feel sadness and regret that you didn't spend more time with her in recent years. Those feelings are normal and are part of the process of mourning. But don't let that overshadow the rest of your relationship with her.

When somebody is in a coma or otherwise beyond our reach, unable to communicate or be communicated with, we must make our own judgements on how to best honor them. Instead of spending money you don't have in order to stand at a deathbed, use the time and resources that you have to celebrate her life. Cherish your memories and love.